The Basics Of “Emotional Leadership” In Pickup & Dating (#1 Skill To Master)
October 31, 2009
All’s Fair In Love And War
I sauntered along through the Cosmopolitan casino here in Vegas, a sexy woman under my arm, feeling almost gallant at the utter ease at which I’d secured my current little love affair. But I knew it wouldn’t be this easy all the way to the end. Someone would try to interfere. It was a shame, ‘cuz so far it had been going great. I’d walked up to this girl a few seconds prior- our energy and vibe such a good match we’d almost immediately intertwined and continued on our together way arm in arm.
I would find out later she was a millionaire psychologist, her practice was in Beverly Hills, she used to party at the Playboy Mansion, and she was married. Oops
Her head was resting on my shoulder as we talked, meandering along the walkway together with no particular destination in mind, when all of a sudden this HUGE Amazon “mother hen” comes out of nowhere, grabs my girl (almost forcefully) and speaking with absolute authority says, “We’re going over to the [insert_random_location], you’re coming with us!” This monster cockblocker was well over 6 feet tall in heels, and apparently used to pushing her weight around with her girlfriends.
I immediately reacted. I don’t get ignored or bulldozed, not by anybody. I say, “EXCUSE me. Mother HEN.. two minutes.. PLEASE!” I did not say please in a conciliatory fashion, I was not being gracious. I was putting someone in their place. She reacted visibly like she’d just been slapped, collected herself quickly gave the obligatory mumbled apology and disappeared. Well that seemed easy enough. Ten steps more and another mother hen attempting interference appears. Before she can say a word I let out, “Oh another mother hen? Pff.” This one disappears even more quickly. I feel like I’m running a football down the field, shielding safeties and the rest of her defensive squad.
“All’s fair in love and war” isn’t just a cute phrase in today’s dating battlefield, it’s the fucking truth.
We arrive at the table her friends are having drinks at, a chode orbiter male appearing out of nowhere and trying to weakly establish some sort of claim over her. I just ignore the guy keep talking to her like he’s not even there. PFF.
After awhile I get bored, I tell her I’m going to find my friends and we’ll hang out later. I could clearly see she wasn’t down to leave with me quite that second, but if I gave her the “gift of missing me” and she was forced to go back to hanging with her boring as hell friends, maybe she’d be more compliant later 😉 Five minutes later I toss some text game genius at her:
Me: It’s me. Let me know if you need help ditching the mother hens. We’ll hang out later
Girl – 21 mins later: I love the mother hens
Girl: They go wherever I go
Girl: Who is this anyway?
Me – 6 mins later: That hot gay dude you were talking to (What woman could resist? Lol)
Girl – 1 min later: Come here
Me – 1 min later: You same place I left you?
Me – 3 mins later: Do not see you and I’d recognize you from five miles away so obviously you aren’t there (a subtle way of making her feel special)
Girl: I’m peeing
Me – 1 min later: Oh yeah. And texting at same time. Talented
I see her a few seconds after sending the last text. As I walk up to her I see the first mother hen approaching her as well, the gigantic one. I don’t hesitate in the slightest I walk up and comfortably rest part of my arm on her. We’re immediately back in the “sweetheart” mode we’d been in earlier. As the Amazon mother hen walks up and sees us standing comfortably together, the barest glimmer of the pained facial expression she’d made earlier passes across her face. She stops several feet out, won’t come any closer. Haha. She says something about my girl being “alright”, looks at us, then backs up and disappears. A good attempt to recollect her lost girl, but sadly enough I couldn’t oblige her 😉
Maybe they were fighting so hard for her because she was married? Haha, possibly! But I wouldn’t realize this till later on, when we were up in her hotel room and she was down on her knees in front of me. Gazing upon the lovely spectacle of her sucking my cock, I realized I was also looking at a huge rock on her ring finger. Whoops where’d that come from! Haha.
The True Story Of “Romance”
Most of us were raised on Disney movies that painted a ridiculous and almost impossible picture of romance. A prince or knight fighting a dragon or breaking a curse to prove his love and worth to a woman seemingly impossible to please otherwise. And therefore so many men get stumped, feeling beholden to a Disney narrative of romance that is out of their reach.
Men need an updated version of romance. 2.0 here we come
Men need to understand that women are perfectly excited by the prospect of a man leading them on an adventure that ends in sex. If you can make it happen logistically and emotionally, she will sleep with you. Gladly. It may not end in a never ending fairy tale romance, but it will still be an amazing experience for both of you. Understand that the romance women are looking for is the battle and the adventure of you leading and making it happen with her! So many men are passive towards women, this is so unappealing to women! And it’s not just about you and her.. it’s about managing her peer group, her logistics and her ever fluctuating emotional temperament! By demonstrating the ability to socially manage a situation to closer intimacy with a woman, being exciting and emotionally stimulating yet assertive enough to pull her away from her friends for a quick little adventure off by themselves, or by actually pulling her home, a man is showcasing his evolutionary value, survival skills, and masculine prowess. Meaning a man effectively leading socially and being proactive and assertive with a woman is seductive! The emotional experience you give a woman while battling through logistics, cockblocks and assholes is romance to her!
But 90% of guys choose between two equally dead-end options when faced with social obstacles during their romantic pursuits. A guy either does nothing, thinking the girl will “appreciate” him for being easygoing, when she in fact thinks he’s just “easy” and not worth her time.. or he gets angry and acts stupid. Neither of these are seasoned, masculine “romantic” responses.
Over the years one of the most common questions I get is how I can interact with women and their friends in such an assertive even sometimes forceful manner. It’s because sometimes that’s what it takes! Whether it’s to manage cockblocks and mother hens, other guys in the group, or even just tough logistics.. many times it takes a strong leading hand to make it all work. And contrary to what some may think, it takes a lot of emotional empathy to be able to do correctly. It’s not some James Bond type scenario where you give her a knowing glimmer and she hops in your Rolls, or you just verbally cower mother hens and cockblocks into submission. At least not usually. 😉 What it comes down to at its baseline is “emotional leadership skills”. I don’t mean dullish “caveman” nonsense. I mean more masculine forms of emotional communication, social decision-making, leadership skills, etc. These are essential for pickup yet also transfer amazingly well into developing and maintaining long-term intimate relationships with women.
Now all this may sound rather simple and not that attractive a skill set, but understand that a person with these skills is extremely alluring to women. They are highly attracted to men who exhibit social leadership abilities. In fact a lack of social know-how is the clearest sign of a low-value male, which is probably the biggest sexual turnoff to a woman. Without some sort of display of social abilities, the vast majority of women will not sleep with a guy. It’s only rarely you get some guy from the Ukraine who can barely speak English that still manages to barrel his way through any resistance or obstacles and pulls a girl home through sheer obstinacy- which actually is a form of leadership if you think about it, haha. Either that or the girl is so drunk she just goes with whatever. There are plenty of guys that call themselves “puas” that simply blunder their way through a club hitting up every girl they can find until they finally manage to find a drunk enough one at 3am. Happens a lot. That’s not what we’re in this for.
But there’s something even deeper at stake than “dating difficulties” in the modern era for a lot of men. So many men spend their marriages kowtowing to their wives during arguments, seeking to simply appease rather than learn how to manage these battles effectively. It’s the same skill set! If you want to really develop yourself in this area, e.g. become a social leader a better man, and someone the women in your life respect, you will have to learn how to LEAD effectively in these situations. And that means developing emotional control and resiliency, and the ability to project your own agenda, in ways that women and people respond to positively.
That means learning “emotional leadership” skills.
There’s no one size fits all “routine” gimmick that works anywhere even close to consistently, which means you will have to be able to understand and flex to a situation as it’s happening. For all the potential cockblocks and logistical roadblocks that come up when you meet a girl you like, there’s simply no way to avoid learning this skill. I have met guys who simply lie and create a story, however implausible, to trick a girl into going along. But unless you’re a sociopath (and they’re out there in the pu community, READ HERE), then this idea is super unhealthy because it creates major cognitive dissonance and eventually deep-seated unhappiness as you’re creating results/successes, experiences with women that you’re massively disconnected from. E.g. it’s not you they’re interested in, it’s the fake story you made up that got them. This is why a lot of the old school routine guys who were successful, also ended up being massively unhappy.
The travesty is that most men think that somehow with a good enough job, money or popularity, women will all of a sudden start being nicer, more compliant, and more sexually receptive. But this is NOT how it works. The real way of meeting women and creating intimate scenarios with them is by taking the time to learn to deal with women and their friends in the correct “emotionally masculine” manner so you can maintain a more genuine and authentic grip and connection with a woman, while demonstrating leadership capabilities that not only manage the situation correctly, but also massively attract her (not based on money or fake bravado), and then succeed in pulling her home to your castle. Or box. Whichever one you’ve got 😉
Being able to have amazing intimate relationships with women doesn’t have anything to do with money. If you’re constantly running up against women who are leveraging some sort of financial judgment on you, you just need to up your game, homey. I got out of the military in 2008 with a college degree. Remember the economy back then? I was broke as fuck for awhile. Car not running, a.c. in my apartment out for a week at a time in the middle of summer. Didn’t matter. I was banging Vegas strippers, accountants, bartenders, mma ring girls, tourists, a playboy model, any woman I met that I spent longer than a few minutes with was in the danger zone with the sort of emotional interplay I could have with her.
So.. how does emotional leadership work?
Step 1. Stay Your Ground
Let’s say you’ve got a situation with a girl who’s into you and vice versa, and a shitty friend or sister or random guy comes in trying to interfere. They’re either acting deliberately bratty about it, or are having a bad night, can’t help themselves, and unknowingly start shitting on your parade. At this point you have strong contradictory social “evidence” coming at you telling you to “fuck off”.
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The immediate problem here is that most guys are trying to be accepted by the social peer group, or simply want to “please women”, so as soon as they get any signals from a woman or her friends they immediately blindly start following them. This is WRONG! Not only do many people have shitty ulterior motives for ruining your night with a girl, most importantly she is looking at you to see how you handle the obstacles! It’s a test.
If you allow a little bit of resistance to throw you off and wreck your mood, your plans, or the special time you were having with her, she will decide you are not a viable sexual option. It’s sad but true. She could think you’re the greatest guy in the world, but if you immediately back off at the slightest sign of resistance from an external source it’s going to let her know you’re not cut out for it-she’s going to be turned off.
On a side note this is actually the point of women’s “bitch shields”.. they’re designed to scare away guys who get put off too easily by a woman’s temperament or mood. You can’t be scared of a woman yet still think one’s going to let you attempt to court her, the idea is ridiculous. Women already know they don’t like men like this, so they screen them out from the beginning. But just like men learn that there’s a difference between a woman actually wanting to be left alone, and the majority of women who simply want a man to step up and introduce himself or approach her in a way that shows some social grace and at least a modicum of masculine resolve and audacity, so men also learn to NOT jump to conclusions as soon as someone tries to project negativity onto them or scare them away.
Think this sounds difficult? Considering what’s at stake gentlemen, I think showing a woman we’ve got a bit of masculine seasoning and resolve is the least we can do.
So step one is to stay centered and grounded so that you’re able to continue to read and evaluate your own emotions and opinions on the matter. You’ve got your own opinion on if you think this woman is fine leaving or staying with you! And many times this is MORE important to her than what her friends or peers think! Sometimes she just wants to know you think she’s worth fighting for! So it’s time to learn how to use your own social tools effectively!
Now this can be hard for new guys who are unused to dealing with women and other people in medium-level social pressure situations like this. This is why we recommend resources like Eckhart Tolle and meditation for developing solid emotional and mental control and discipline. So you’re able to stay on your own emotional and mental path even when outside influences are trying to subvert you for their own agendas. Understand this is not just for pickup or dating, this is for every sort of social interaction possible. When dealing with bosses, cops, even parents or other forms of social authority, you must remain chill and centered on your own agenda because all of these WILL at one point attempt to powerfully influence you in a direction that is not to your benefit!
Step 2. Evaluate Motives & Assign Correct “Blame”
First of all realize that not everyone you encounter is looking out for the interests of others, even their friends. I’ve seen a single girl ruin the night for everyone in her group because just because she was in a bad mood. So when someone gives you a “fight” you need to ask yourself some pertinent questions about this person:
- Is this person just being shitty? Do they have any right or personal business trying to interfere? Many times women can be quite predatory with each other, bossing each other around and ruining the good time they’re having with a man they just met. It’s way more common than you’d think especially when drinking is involved, I’ve seen it countless times. They also have zero manners with most of the guys they meet when out. Some women will be rude and utterly obnoxious unless called out on it effectively. I’ve also had women treat me like gold then turn 10 degrees and treat a student like utter dogshit.
- Is it a sister or family member that’s got genuine concern? You handle valid concern a completely different way altogether from someone being a naggy or otherwise encroaching friend.
- Is it some jealous guy who’s using unfair social pressure to block you out?
- Is it some prudish girl that’s “bothered” by the prospect of her friend “getting laid” and is trying to cockblock you based on an outdated moral principle?
- Is it tough logistics that you actually can manage, she/they just need to trust you more? (I’ve pulled off ridiculous social coups)
- Is it a woman just giving you shit to test your resolve and leadership capacity? This is super common!
These determine how you handle the situation or obstacle!
I want to point out that most of the time I already know the potential issues even before they arise. If I’ve met a girl who’s hanging out with her sister or family, I know there’s going to be issues to deal with, so I’ll start working on them sooner rather than later. There are countless men who don’t take obvious factors into account and lose a girl as if by surprise when the clear obstacle had already presented itself way earlier.
And some men adopt a strategy of trying to “agree” with all potential obstacles, attempting to befriend family and friends in a bid to make them all “like” him and accept him. In actuality this course of action completely sabotages him. Here’s the sad truth, other people will ALWAYS attempt to undermine and subvert your intentions of meeting a girl and pulling her home, so don’t make it easy for them by trying to please them! Just the fact you’re a stranger means 90% of people are going to resist the idea of you pulling one of their friends home or leaving with her. So understand resistance is a normal part of interacting with people, whether they like you or not. Humans don’t like change, and that’s what you represent, so you have to take a more active hand in making your plan work!
Step 3. The Double-Edged Strategy
Women screen for ambitious, self-motivated, “cool-headed” men. It’s a female evolutionary survival mechanism designed to pair her up with a strong viable mate. Men have to learn to take a stand and show some masculine resolve and even audacity when it comes to romance. But it’s got to be done smart, especially when there are other people involved. If you make mistakes and commit too many social faux pas most women will screen you out. If you say something or make a blunder that insults her friends or shows her you don’t understand the situation, or are too sexually aggressive or eager, she’ll get turned off.
Now this may seem complicated and full of pitfalls, but once you get the basic drift you can manage a lot of it on the fly.
The Dual-Edged Key
There are two main prerogatives when crafting a social strategy in dealing with a situation where someone is trying to undermine your game plan with a girl. 1) First off, always place yourself at the top of the social food chain, and 2) use the correct emotional “key” on the obstacle.
Here’s your main obstacle when attempting to pickup or otherwise meet women.. men are treated to an unconscious double standard by women. They’re either treated well, with manners and social grace, or they’re treated like shit. Is it right? No. But it’s reality, so learn it. What decides the difference is the perception of the man’s social value by her and her friends. If it’s considered high he’ll be treated with manners, even granted privileges. If he’s deemed low value- or even just “normal” he will be potentially subjected to a much harsher social reality. Rudeness, dismissal, a complete lack of sexual receptiveness, he will typically serve as an emotional tampon for whatever sort of negativity women want to dish out on him. Shit rolls downhill, and these men are generally at the bottom of it. And if a guy proves pliable enough he’ll get taken advantage of even further. Lots of women have male friends that are complete chodes, buying them drinks, tickets, etc., giving them rides at obscene times of the night, and/or generally supporting them in all kinds of weird exploitative ways. I’ve definitely had girls dropped off at my place for a quick romp by some chode they knew, and then get picked up when we were done by another chode! I don’t mean to be condescending or berate these guys, but they should know better.
And understand this is not just for “cold approach pickup”, it takes place across the entire spectrum of social interactions whether it’s sales, the military or your workplace. If you do not learn to manage this you’ll be dismissed and socially vanquished across the entire expanse of social interactions.
So what does this mean? It means if you’re perceived as, or act low value.. you simply don’t matter. Your opinion, what you want, or anything you suggest, is automatically deemed low priority.
So if you get challenged, just face it and get the job done. understand that as an outsider coming into a woman’s group your value is fully under question. It will be up to you to display your worth and prove it if it gets questioned. Don’t get angry or resentful, simply manage it effectively when it happens.
Now do women mistakenly prejudge too many men as being low value? Yes. Is this easily fixable? Yes. Should you always act and exude high value mannerisms and behavior? Yes. But what do most men do? They throw themselves at the mercy of the group, get fucking castrated, and die a lonely death. Lol.
So, how do you act when your value gets questioned? “Cool”, aloof, untouchable. Above it. Almost disdainful. Doesn’t matter if the sky is falling, it ain’t gonna fall on you. That’s your frame. As minimalist or verbose as you need to be to knock that shit out of the water. Your emotional head space is in no way touched by it, neither is your mouth. You don’t need pity, or mercy. You would not deign to entertain anything of the sort, it’s below you. Even in your own head. And when you speak to it there’s a tad bit of righteous indignation in your voice.
This is your “frame”. And this is ALL while being emotionally stimulating enough to keep a woman’s attention and warrant her continued sexual receptivity to you. Sound hard? Like I said earlier.. considering what’s at stake I don’t think it’s too much for a woman to ask.
Sure we can bitch all we want, but at the end of the day it’s a woman’s body, and we hold no power over it save for what she’s comfortable giving us.
Some guys do a decent job faking this, but the clinch factor is how you conduct yourself at times of social tension and stress. It’s what happens when this gets put to the test that really matters to a woman. So don’t hate it or be in fear of it, just handle it when it happens.
Did you walk up and one of her friends gave you attitude? Or further along in the interaction? Are they making plans that blatantly exclude you?
The first one is to place yourself at the top of the social food chain, or at least high enough to be able to make the point that you were “wronged”. This sounds like social bullying, and to a large degree it is. Sex and society hinges upon status. Without But it’s simply the culture women live in. There’s no “justice”, it’s all mostly a popularity contest. If you’re “higher value”, you’re right, and faux pas commited against you are held against the other person.. but if they are perceived as higher than you, then whatever they did is okay. Think this sounds like a raw deal? It’s simply the way things are. Either because you’re an outsider coming into a new group and still have to prove yourself, or
And the second is to understand how to typify people’s “bad behavior” correctly to influence her to go along with your plan instead. Basically you point out their faux pas to her in a meaningful fashion so she gets the “proper” perspective on them and can come from under their influence, and more under yours ;). Understand one thing.. women do not come embedded with a sense of social “right or wrong”. They’re looking to you to establish this! They’re very flexible in this area. Unless you’re a Cuban orphan rescued at sea or a cute puppy, do NOT be expecting sympathy from a woman, especially if you’re trying to sleep with her!
So if it’s an overbearing mother hen cockblocking friend or family member, you point out, subtly or not so subtly, that she’s being bossy or nosy, or too controlling. Or that she’s jealous and trying to ruin her friend’s good time.
And also remember to always stay composed. Even IF you have to raise your voice to be heard or shout someone down (I’ve done it countless times), keep your cool. This is very masculine to a woman and very seductive.
Step 4. Walk Into Mordor
Now it’s time to put on your dancing shoes. ‘Cuz this is where you separate the men from the boys, and the intermediate/advanced guys from the bad motherfuckers that make the legends happen.
then see what the other person is feeling and saying/projecting, measure any ulterior motives or flesh out hidden agendas, and project a STRONG emotional state that the girl and everyone else can pick up on and be inspired to go along with. Many times a girl’s emotional state on the matter is determined by what’s “most popular”, or by which option the clearest, strongest signals of being right. E.g. if you can convince a girl’s friends to go along with something it’s “popular”, or if you can put a cockblocking mother hen in her place then your girl will jump on your plan because you seem the most in charge. Of course there are definitely scenarios where it’s only the girl you have to convince as she truly is an independent female, but most “pickup” scenarios you’ve got multiple people, motives, and obstacles to contend with. It’s why when Brad Rsd and I talked about the differences between “day game” practitioners and guys that typically ran “night game”, we both agreed day game dudes were way “softer” in comparison to dudes who’d developed competent social skills in the “mainstream” social arenas of clubs, bars and parties. In fact I know several day game coaches that do not like night game and can’t do it.
The emotional fortitude guys develop who become good at same night lays is formidable.
The most important emotional stronghold to establish in all courses of action is safety and comfort. Women want to feel safe with you and whatever plan or adventure you represent. Now this seems straightforward enough.. the problem is that how you establish trust isn’t always as intuitive as you’d think. If you’re leaving with a girl’s sister, you can express
If you’re dealing with an overly bossy woman you probably need to teach her a lesson in manners. And you may have to be a bit of a dick about it if she doesn’t get the message easy and early.
Of course some people get left out in the cold, like the cockblocking sister or the male orbiter (competition). But that’s just how it goes, and there are genuinely shitty people out there you have to just sort of give the boot.
Now getting the group to agree to something is not always what you think it is. Sometimes things move super subtly and decisions are made without a word. And so you sometimes you have to be reading what’s going on below the surface of a situation. For instance (pay attention a lot of guys don’t know this)
I’ve definitely picked up on ulterior motives and agendas that were so shitty and self-centered, like a girl knowing how to pretend she’s complimenting a guy to her girlfriend when in actuality she’s making him look like shit to her friend whom he’s interested in. Even though she knows full well the girl is genuinely interested in the guy, she’ll still shit on it ‘cuz she wants to get burritos instead. So understand.. taking the emotional and social reins of an interaction is most of the time very much in hers and your best interest! Don’t feel ashamed, don’t feel like you’re encroaching, do the right thing, and if you’ve got something going with a girl, don’t let anyone or anything stop you!
Step 4. Execute The “Winning” Emotional Frame
Women love a man that can lead. The problem has been that most men simply weren’t aware of their own capacity for it.
Now it’s not as hard as it seems once you get your skills up past a certain point. After some practice many of the tough situations guys used to find themselves in become incredibly easy and straightforward. Almost unconscious effort, and in fact men begin to adopt mannerisms and habits that start to prevent a lot of bullshit from happening in the first place.
What’s funny is that sometimes the best way to handle situations where women need to be effectively lead past a
I actually recently found out many many guys lack this simple ability to read emotions- much less influence them. But its incredibly important. It’s similar to keyword tracking in online marketing. If you don’t have any keyword tracking, you’re driving with a muddy windshield.. you have no idea where you’re going and in what direction you’re going. You’re simply moving forward.
Now for a lot of guys who are sensitive to other’s emotions, and trying to learn game, it can be a curse.. because they’re reactive to a girl’s emotions in a negative way. Guys without this ability, or foreign guys who aren’t used to reading American girls, just plow with abandon and can get some shit done. So understand picking up this ability might not necessarily be the best thing at first..
This is one of those times focusing on the skill set will help you more than focusing on getting the girl. And to get the basic speaking fundamentals down, read this post on how to talk to girls.
This also explains why sexual direct doesn’t work for a lot of guys.. they throw something out there super sexual, the girl reads them, and can tell they’re a fraud. But then this is also not the healthiest realization for a guy learning direct game.
However if you are always centered, witnessing reactions or emotions without being encumbered by them, you’re at an extreme advantage. You definitely want to develop this ability if you lack it. Now trying to break it down into steps that can be learned is like trying to understand how waves come from deep oceanic currents. I ping off people several times a second.. it’s like sonar, and I can detect minute changes in emotional state from one second to the next. I can tell if a guy gets laid a lot or not, if a girl is socially saavy or not, if she’s ready to be fucked, how I make her feel, if she’s out at the club looking to hook up, or simply there to socialize with her girls etc.
None of this would matter however, if I lacked the “inner game” required to actually DO something with this ability. The underlying principle, is that I observe, and work to INFLUENCE and CHANGE a girl’s emotions to MY purpose. Most of the time its very subtle, the girl trusts me and goes along with it. It’s what a girl wants; a man that can lead her emotionally. However if its a difficult situation, and I simply don’t like a girl’s reaction.. I can simply punch through her reaction and force her to see things my way.
Now the problem most guys have is that they might say something, but then not have the balls to observe the reaction- (they look away) or not possess the internal authority needed to decide to change a girl’s emotional state to something else. They’re simply reactive to the girl’s state, so however the girl reacts, that’s the bottom line. Sure sometimes the girl reacts well and they progress, but many times the girl reacts badly- especially with guys developing game, and there’s no attempt to shift the girl’s emotional state. In truth, most of the top guys- I can’t think of a single one that doesn’t- communicates beforehand, how he expects the girl to respond to what he’s saying. This is probably one of the major keys to game actually. When I say something sexual, I’m projecting at the girl how I want her to respond. When Tyler used one of his trademark routines he projected at the girls, using tonality and facial expression to show dominance over them, he showed how he expected them to respond. When Mystery talks to girls he sounds like he’s talking to a six-yr old, and so he is projecting that he wants them to respond to him like he’s their daddy.
Another point is most guys try to act stoic. They think this is the manly thing to do. However, girls know that’s bullshit. To be stoic usually only means you’re hiding weak emotions. That’s why girls are attracted to guys that show emotions, they know emotions are authentic, so they’re getting a look at a guy’s real core. Stoic (not showing emotions) is easy.. anyone can do that. But with life experience, most girls come to understand that being stoic is usually a front. Putting your emotions on the line and projecting them.. that’s REAL strength.
However here comes the difference between “Dancing Monkey” and Sexworthy. Sexworthy is projection of a certain purpose, or endstate in mind. It can be unspoken, never even explicitly stated to a girl, but she KNOWS you’re a sexual guy and if she doesn’t signal that she wants it, she’ll lose out. Now your typical Hollywood style pua will get a lot of reactions from girls because he’s bouncy and energetic. But they’re not sexual responses. To get a sexual response, you must display a strong sexual state.
Let’s discuss being sexual verbally.. I say something sexual, I’ll see the girl look at me to gauge my resolve, and I’ll flex my frame/core, almost like flexing my abs when I see a hit coming, she’ll see this, or maybe already KNOW it, and she’ll have a slight intake of breath, her lips open slightly. I’ve put her into a sexual state.. and I’ll grab her because I know she’s mine. I’m like a fucking boa constrictor with a mouse, when I feel that little breath- I know to squeeze tighter. Many many times however, especially with higher-value girls, she will NOT show that she’s gauging me, so I’ll have to appear completely at ease with what I just said, and act like it’s nothing. Best thing to do in this case is to keep talking about whatever random topic you were discussing beforehand. This is beginner to intermediate. Most of the time I’m simply talking and sexual topics come up. I can discuss blowjobs with a girl and not even have a thought to her reaction. She’ll read this and know it’s ok to discuss it with me. This being said, you don’t want to fall into dancing sexual monkey frame. If you’re trying to get sexual with a particular girl, and start talking about sexual stuff.. you need to communicate you’re making a personal sexual connection to her. In your eyes and tonality. Otherwise you’re fun entertainer guy she gets to talk about sex with. A lot of guys think they’ve arrived when they get to speak about sexual stuff freely with a girl. Nope.
The biggest leap guys will make, is when they learn to project a strong sexually dominant state, that they’re super relaxed and unapologetic about.
BIG POINT: Many times a girl’s sexual communication or body language, is simply stating that she’s SURRENDERED. She hasn’t communicated anything sexual at all, she’s simply surrendered to your frame. This is how MOST girls are. This is how they communicate on a sexual level. As one of the most dominant and bad ass girls I’ve ever known told me “I don’t care how strong or dominant you think a chick is, to a girl, sex is SURRENDER. She’s opening up her body to be penetrated. There’s no dominance there. She’s surrendered herself.”
That’s why guys that don’t understand, accuse me of rape sometimes. They saw no sexual “yes” from the girl, simply saw me escalate on her without “verbal consent” (lol), and assumed it was some form of force. No, the girl was in full compliance, but in the society we live in.. girls most of the time simply cannot give consent. Or they’re deemed sluts. Incredibly stupid as I believe girls are MUCH more sexual than guys. I know I don’t moan and scream when I’m fucking. Tyler probably does ; ). Alex?
A guy in the San Diego showed footage of a set he entered at a bar. As he walked into the set and began to talk, one of the girls slighty bowed her head and began subtly bouncing up and down. Boom.. sexual state. The dude didn’t recognize it and so didn’t act on it. This will happen from time to time, you come in hard, speak with the right subcommunication, and the girl communicates you’ve unlocked her. When a guy enters a girl’s space that meshes with her idea of being a guy she’ll have sex with, she enters what I call the “fresh girly zone”, her eyes will be wider, she’ll be super responsive to what he’s saying, even perspire a bit more. And potentially be very physically active- like slightly dance in place (like the girl in the vid). That’s rare however. To me that’s like her putting a big neon sign over her head that says “Fuck my MOUTH”. I’d say the #1 thing to look out for is how closely a girl is paying attention to you. If a girl’s locked onto you.. it’s on. If you’re in an interaction, but not giving much to it, and the girl is talking to you and leaning forward, has excitement(emotion) to what she’s telling you.. escalate. Self-amusement is also extremely similar to this. The guy is self-amusing, talking out of his ass in a self-rhythmic manner and displaying that he’s amused with himself. The girl is simply watching a guy who’s unreactive to her, not giving her much at all, yet having a great time. She’ll just get sucked right in. It’s like watching a really good movie and wanting to be part of it. I watched Brad in field a few times and he’s got this to the hilt.
Emotions are a big thing in social dynamics. They are GENUINE and girls are biologically hardwired to react to them. This is why we use humor to mask sexual escalation. Humor, or intense emotion, masks logical thought patterns like ASD. Because when emotions are involved, logic is simply not needed. Its also why even if a girl’s angry with us, it’s a good thing.
I had a girl meet me for a champagne brunch several months back. I’d met her a couple nights before at a club, hadn’t even kissed her. She got super lost trying to find her way through the beach streets and got very stressed out, to the point of crying. I thought it was funny and didn’t help her much over the phone, even ignoring her calls. By the time I got to her, she was an emotional mess. I quickly pulled my dick out and had her stroking it, ripping open her shirt so I could squeeze her breasts and suck on them. Fucking awesome. I know many of you will think I’m a bastard for this.. but seriously I was simply responding on a biological level. And gawdamit her tits were fucking amazing.
I wish I could show a picture of the girl’s face. To me it’s like a beacon call. Usually I simply respond, and at this point I’m wired to respond without thinking, and can enter that state easily from most other states, even super logical ones. The fucked up thing is I can’t think of a single movie scene where you can see a girl enter sexual state, or entering a surrendered state. It’s almost like a secret they don’t want getting out, plus most of these girls are in too much of a logical state of mind (they’re acting) to actually enter such a highly emotional and vulnerable state. If anyone can think of one let me know. I’ll try to think of maybe a porn scene I’ve seen. Angelina Jolie is a great role model for how a GUY should act when displaying sexual prowess. That half-smile and those glaring eyes. That’s fuckworthy. Too bad it’s a girl. Katie Holmes in The Gift enters a sexual state, but she’s very dominant about it and its not quite what I’m looking for. In fact now that I think about it, there are COUNTLESS movie examples of girls displaying the dominant sexual communication that guys should be employing. It’s almost like they’re trying to teach us something…
You can always spot the girls that love to suck cock because they have their mouths open a bit wider than everyone else, and they just have it open at random moments. Not just this tho- they have a way of looking at people like they’re appraising them- or if you’re a chode- judging them. ANY girl that looks like she’s appraising people, or looking around for something, whether you see it as a negative thing or a good thing, is wanting dick.
There’s more, feel free to ask questions or post up observations.
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| how to read girls emotions