LMR Series Part I: Being the Prize
June 16, 2008
You ever wondered why you get LMR? Or why everything seems to be going great, and then you’re finally alone with her and BAM you hit a wall trying to get more intimate? Or why when you’re talking with a female, you can’t get her to react to you, in that deep, slow, instinctual way a woman responds to a man she’s sexually interested in? Or why.. no matter how hard you’re pursuing a girl, how dominant and masculine you’re being, she’s just not into you?
This series is based on LMR (last minute resistance [to sex]), but after reading the whole series you’ll realize it encompasses all of game.
The reason is this.. social and sexual dynamics between a man and a woman are a large spiral, e.g. the same dynamics in an interaction REPEAT themselves as you get closer and closer to sexual intimacy. It might help to think of this spiral as a pie with slices. As you go down the spiral you pass back thru into the same slice of the pie as you get closer and closer to the center (sex).
So for example, by the time you get to what most guys consider LMR, some “form” of this has already been encountered MANY times before in the interaction, and the answer, e.g. her response to your “endgame” sexual escalation, has actually been decided, or “determined”, long ago.
Let’s break this down.. so during the “outside” ring of the spiral, you approached her with masculine fuckworthy intent- which satisfied her biological paradigm, but also were fun and outcome independent (e.g. you were just having fun and didn’t need a reaction out of her to keep having fun)- which she could connect with and feel comfortable with as a woman. Closer in on the spiral you physically escalated, or demonstrated social dominance if it was called for. And closer in you manhandled her with your masculine physicalness, and were soft and gentle when it was called for.
But if you didn’t handle these the right way then there’s no way she’s going to fuck you. Period.
So as you get closer to the center of the spiral, you realize that any resistance you encounter later on in an interaction is probably because you handled a certain dynamic incorrectly earlier on.
This might seem very theory-heavy. It is- but the direct in-field application is extremely clear. And honestly it becomes second nature. As with any new mentality or mindset, there’s a learning curve, and then you hit that full internalization.
Anything I do, whether it’s life in general, or it’s an interaction with a woman, I act with the end goal in mind. In the end, you and I want an emotionally intimate and physically sexual connection with a girl (Not at the same time you bastard.. I ain’t that comfortable with you yet ). So with this in mind, I will explain how elements of game either work towards this, or interfere with it. On we go..
A few nights ago I’m out with a buddy of mine.. he meets two chicks and brings them over. It’s early so I want to ditch them and have more fun, it’s too early to already be sedentary. But he’s not going anywhere, needs a wing, so I just settle in. Mine is a cute girl from Australia, taller than me, lovely breasts with red hair and really tight legs and butt. Tall as fuck did I say that?
For the next hour and a half I am the vagina tease from hell. This is standard game. A girl just can’t have me easily, even if I’m into her, why does she get to have me just because she might be interested?
Being the Prize
This is where one of the most important elements of game comes into play. You need to always remember YOU are the prize. You actively demonstrate this. This is game. All closers project that they are the standard, that they are the ones holding the cards. It’s because:
In a completely natural environment, non-socially conditioned environment- we ARE high-value, and high-value has a certain behavior-set. Done. This is supposed to be normal! The only reason guys don’t act like this normally is because society (parents, school, Hollywood, capitalist economy) has conditioned men to become beta and approval-seeking. Kind of sad we have to reprogram ourselves to go back to our natural instincts but it’s just how it is.
And the biological basis of this is fundamental. Sex is absolute surrender for a woman, they MUST only surrender to a guy who’s worthy of being surrendered to. So by acting high-value you demonstrate to a girl your sexual worth. Little things like direct eye contact that’s not searching for a reaction in her eyes, playing a little hard to get, or teasing a girl all demonstrate this. These little “screening” mannerisms make her realize she’s in the presence of a real dude. My buddy Brian has a saying that goes “Girls are screening for a guy who’s screening them.”
Guys who operate from this mentality, are the bad bad men. The ones who open consistently, fuck consistently, and everything in between.
Anyways back to the story of the redhead from Australia.. at first I just let her get used to me. I give her some attention- talk to her about random shit, strong sexual intent to the attention I direct at her (in the intense way I look at her) and then I’m gone. I take off with another buddy, and then wander back. I come into her, then step away, look at her, look elsewhere. She just can’t hold my attention for very long. This places more value in the attention I give her when I do give it. Every single moment and interaction she has with me is gold, because she doesn’t know when it’s going to end!
Now understand everything else is dialed right. Body language, facial expression, my voice and tonality. Teasing her or giving her a hard time about random shit, then being nice and congenial. Always with a wolf-look in my eye.
We get a bit physical, and this is her natural way of relieving the tension she feels from me acting the way I am, and also her way of connecting with me and being comfortable with how aloof I’m acting. To be calibrated with this kind of thing with a girl there must be a natural ebb and flow. Sometimes you’re aloof, sometimes you’re in close with her making her feel special. We’re holding each other’s arms as we’re talking and I’m pulling her in, or pushing her back against the window she’s leaning against. But again after a bit I move away from her; then come in again, then take off. I stand a few feet away from her, looking at her, talking to her. She asks me why I’ve always got space between her and I. She tells me I’m in my own world (shit test).
But this part of what I do is INCREDIBLY important. I do not give her enough of me for her to be satisfied, and for her to feel like there’s no mystery left to me. I leave her wanting more. This isn’t button pushing.. this is totally fucking natural. On my natural whims, I’m not fully concerned about sex, I’m not wanting to be all over her all the time. I’ve got my purpose, my own thoughts and feelings, and they are not centered around her all the time.
Honestly if a girl gets hot for me in a club, I just can’t give her everything she wants. It’s just not possible and if you take it too far in the club it’ll burn bright very fast but then burn out. It’s smart to wait till you two are alone, so the skillset is in maintaining a steady tension.
And this creates exactly the kind of dynamic you should have with a girl. Once she’s into me and doesn’t want me to leave, I maintain this tension until the bedroom. If you guys are finding yourselves always trying to be all over a girl, you need to do some self-examination. That is needy and not natural.
But my buddy does the exact opposite of this. He isn’t reading her signs, gives her too much unreturned, undeserved attention. He’d back away from her, but then come on full throttle, not making her ask for it, or earn it in some way.
Now her asking for it or earning it doesn’t have to be verbalized, in fact don’t expect it to be. A girl will communicate with her eyes and body language when she wants it, when she’s ready. This is really the only time when I want to give a girl physicalness.
Anyways his girl is being rather difficult so he gets frustrated and pushes her away. But his “takeaways” are based on her actions, not his. Every time he’d do it.. it’d be based on something she’d done to upset him. Well how did this translate in her mind? She actually kind of liked it. It gave her a feeling of control over him, and the situation. This was not good. When girls feel they have too much control over a guy’s mental state, most will not have sex. There’s no plausible deniability because she’s controlling everything. And remember guys, as one of the strongest women I know told me, the act of sex for a girl is one of submission. She’s being uncovered, her legs are being spread.. she’s being penetrated. So she has to make sure she’s submitting to a high-value dude. If she submits to a low-value chode, well what does that say about her? Remember a girl’s social status is everything to her. It is her life’s harsh reality.
However the interaction with my girl is hugely different. We all decide to leave the club and head somewhere else. I’m walking with my girl still teasing her. I tell her I’m a virgin. I don’t have sex. She asks me why I’m such a good kisser, I tell her it’s cuz its all I do. 😉
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She asks me, “are you intimidated that I’m taller than you?”
I barely acknowledge this. I tell her “do you eat kangaroos?”
“No. I have money so I ride a kangaroo to work. All the poor people ride koalas. Kangaroos are better ‘cuz they’re faster.”
She brings up me being a virgin again. And says she doesn’t have sex with guys the first night. I tell her we’re both acting nuts then. I come in close, ask her very intimately if she wants my virginity. In a coy, qualifying way, not in a way that’s telling her she can actually have it.
I never let it be about her sexuality. I try to keep the focus on mine. Because then who’s sexuality is the prize?
Later we go to an after-party. I find some dude macking the shit out of her. I can tell she’s falling for it and I could potentially lose her. Fuck that, I walk up and get right in both their grills. Hi! He gets kind of uncomfortable, I drag her away. I’m sure that dude was community. Good job man, she told me later she was about to kiss you lol.
So point being, just because you’re “the prize” this in no way means you just let your girl get away from you.
Anyway we make it back to my girl’s place downtown. We get in bed, turn off the lights. I pretend I’m just going to fall asleep. Do this for about 20 seconds, then roll over and grab her for the late night fuck delight. My buddy and her friend pass out in the living room.
The next morning her friend comes in, says my buddy tried to bang her but she didn’t want to so she didn’t. She says that she “won”. They congratulate each other for her not fucking my buddy. Then I swear only a few minutes later they talk about my girl having sex with me, and the friend congratulates her on laying me! Only a couple minutes later. What a difference the “prize frame” makes.
I find out the whole story later: my buddy got the LMR from hell with this girl.
Now do you think this could have been changed? Altered for the benefit of both the girl and the guy? Of course. My girl was happy she’d gotten laid, the same girl who’d given my buddy LMR and loved NOT fucking him, was practically in the same breath congratulating her friend on banging me. The friend could have been happy getting laid too if my buddy had done things right. He tells me later she was a weird one. I think she was too. Still.. HE set the dynamic. She just followed.
So in summary: You have got to be the sexual prize. Or you’re not going to get shit. You will not close girls from group sets, the friends just won’t let you have her, and you will not be able to take a girl away from just one friend either (2-set). There cannot be a lower perception of your value in relation to theirs.
Anyways, my buddy I was talking about, is one of the strongest naturals I’ve hung out with. Comes off extremely high-value and fuckworthy. Goes to show how important proactive demonstration of your sexual prizability is. Even if the issue is not brought up, I’ll somehow figure out a way to bring it up just so the point is made.
As another example, I’m out with Ryan- RSD instructor- on a bootcamp a couple weekends ago. I’ve got a couple women on my jock, havin’ a good time with one, she’s chasing hard and I’m my usual coy self. I broach the topic of sex and somehow she interprets it as the tables having turned and now I’m chasing her.
Btw, this is ok, and not something you need to be afraid of happening every time you talk about sex, or whatever new thing you bring up, whether it’s escalation, extraction etc. You just have to handle the fuck out of it.
When she makes this assumption about her sexual status being higher than mine the most important thing I do is stay calm and unreactive; I just go on with what I’m doing and thinking- because I really don’t give a shit. There is no reason to have anything that comes up, phase you. This is life. Life is dynamic. Do not be afraid of life.
I look at her normally, don’t really say much, go on about my business. I grab a chicken wing from her party’s table and start to bite into it. I exclaim “Mmmm. This chicken is soo good.” Pause.. “Damn. Better than anything I’d experience with you.” She goes “uh uh! Ya right.”
I ignore this. “Mmm. Fuck this is good.” Shortly after she’s forcing me to put ice down her shirt and feel her boobs.
In an earlier article I told a story about a girl telling me haughtily she wasn’t going to have sex with me. My simple response was, “No I’m not going to have sex with YOU.” This immediately flips the script and she’s immediately chasing me for attention.
So how does this all relate? How does this correlate to problems in escalation you’re having? You have to remember to set up the correct dynamic first. That of being the prize.. of her chasing you. If she isn’t ready for you.. if she’s not interested yet, hasn’t seen you as a prize to be won yet, and you start trying to go for her.. yer just gonna be bashing your head against a wall. Believe me I know, I’ve bashed a lot of walls.
And you might be having the greatest interaction with her, she might be laughing and giggling, loving her time with you, but if you haven’t established that she’s working for your time and attention, and that she’s got to be a certain way to get it, the end of the night will come around, or her friends will come; and poof.. she’s gone.
It’s like this. You’re playing poker.. there’s a huge jackpot in the middle; but you haven’t invested anything in it.. so you’re cool to just let it go. But, if you’ve invested in the jackpot, put something in it yourself, you don’t want to let it go.. you’ll bet higher and more to hold onto what you put into it. Same goes for interactions with girlies. You can be the jackpot, you can be the most money guy around, but if she hasn’t invested in you, she’ll just walk away, and you can’t just try to give her the jackpot, she has to feel she earned it or it doesn’t have value. You have to make her invest without giving her everything, so she keeps chasing. She’ll give more and more, escalating on you more and more, desiring to get back what she put into it, and the prize that you now are to her. So now you set the rules, which is what she wanted the whole time. Consider what this means. How much control do you have over the interaction and where it goes? I’ll go a lot more in-depth on this in the next part of the series.
So bottom line.. she’ll walk away if she doesn’t think you’re the prize. BE fuckworthiness
I dealt with this A LOT back in the day. So aggressive.. so pushy.. but I wasn’t showing high status enough, wasn’t being the prize.. so I’d hit a wall. I see my buddies that think they have game, so they go for it, they’re confident enough to push physically with a girl, but in no way have prepared her for it.
Anyways, this is Part I. Part II will be on Making Her Invest
Also, for further reading on strong communication with women, check out this post how to talk to girls
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