Laid..! Chased by Cops and Caught in the Act
March 17, 2012
I was pulled over last night by cops just COVERED in vagina. I mean I stepped outside in the cold and it was wafting off me right in their faces. I was like, “WHAT.”
But before we get into how that happened I’d like to handle some administrative necessities!
Sorry for the delay in my weekly lay report, gentlemen, but this one’s a DYNAMO. COPS, public indecency, accusing girls of being hookers, broken condoms, perfect vaginas and love in the night.. all make an appearance in this particular story. I’ve had a prolonged business trip as well as helping Sasha Daygame get his upcoming dating conference handled. I’m coming out of retirement! I’ll be speaking at this event either the 17th or 18th of March (it’s this coming weekend). He apparently already decided for me what he wanted me to speak on as right next to my name it’s listed that I’ll be covering “Rapegame”, lmao. Thanks Sasha, that’s all my reputation needs!
Make sure to CLICK HERE for more information on the event. As always, I promise my segment alone is worth attending the event. That’s not arrogance, it’s just the simple fact I sweat blood and take years off my life preparing for these things. I promise to bring home the bacon and transform you attendees into bad ass ladykillers.
Anyways I’ve got several new lay reports to write up but this one’s fresh in my mind as it happened last night. I had what I call a “One and Done” while visiting my hometown. This is where you bang the first girl of the night you talk to. Don’t worry, when all you guys are as awesome as I am it’ll happen to you too.
So I’m walking down the street with my buddy to meet a couple friends of ours when I look ahead to see two girls on the street corner, one wearing what I call a “baby doll” dress. This is basically one of those dresses that one would see more often in church then at a club or bar. More on this interesting detail to come! It’s the same kind of dress that my lil Indian princess was wearing that night to the club after I railed her super naughtily in front of my Vegas suite window for everyone to watch. That lay report you can read here.
But back to this particular situation.. my “open” was SUPER casual. Relaxed nonchalant voice, I’d actually been meditating in the car on the way there while my buddy listened to Eckart Tolle on his headphones lmao. As I approach from about 10 feet away I simply say “aww she looks cold.” to the other girl. WAY CHILL. There’s something to be said for making super nonneedy comments with that sex panther tonality. You pique their interest with your sexy tonality while also displaying a complete lack of outcome independence. It never fails to get girls comfortable and responding. Now if they’d said NOTHING, I would simply have kept walking and not given a shit, but the girl giggled and I stopped to talk to them for a bit. I asked them why they were standing on the corner if they were cold and they described their situation blah fucking blah lol. Anyways I tell her friend she should keep her warm as she’s the one wearing the heavy jacket and this one is wearing a dress that bares her legs and a little mini jacket. She says she’d offered or something like that at which point I say “Don’t worry I’ll keep her warm” and softly pull her in against me, lol. Smooooth.
I talk to them a bit more, about 80% of the time standing close enough to the cutie (the other one was older) that our bodies were generally touching. I thumbwar her somewhere in there, dominant her. I flirt with her a bit, tell her she’s sexy and I’m going to kidnap her that she’ll never see her friends again and I’m probably going to make her cry but it’ll be ok, lol. She laughs and says she might kidnap me instead when she gets her car later. Ding ding ding! Her friend starts trying to hail a taxi as she’s sick of waiting and I realize I need to get this girl’s number it’s go time. I’ve still got my arm around her and I swing her around so she’s facing me as I reach for my phone with my other hand. I take her number and she asks me something along the lines of what does it mean that I’m taking her phone number. I tell her we’re going to hang out as I’m holding her against me. She looks at me slightly quizzically and I know EXACTLY what’s going on here. She wants to know if I’m worth her time. I immediately begin to nonchalantly kiss her on her lips, she stands there completely unmoving not moving her lips at all and I just nibble on her mouth and softly brush my tongue against her. Most guys would be completely put off by a girl not responding or giving them permission, but I know she’s simply testing me and I’m simply doing my job, which is doing EXACTLY what I would have done whether she’d given me a response or not. She wants to know I am a guy who would go the distance with or without her approval.
So as she stands there completely neutral, I keep my arms around her and kiss her on her unmoving lips while squeezing her softly all over her body. She then begins to move off and I palm her lil booty and say “nice butt” before walking off myself.
Back in the truck with my buddy, I move to checkmate with text game. “Cutest girl I’ve met on a street corner yet. Call me”
No girl could resist a text like that.
This is a perfect example of what I call “Engagement Text Game”. This is the initial text that is designed to pique her interest and provoke a response without being needy. In this particular instance I actually did tell her to call me, but in certain circumstances this is actually just a sign of high value. This text was also setting the correct frame by projecting slight arrogance and heightened comfortableness with the fact she’d respond well to me jokingly calling her a hooker, while also giving a sexy/naughty compliment at the same time. Basically a fucking doozy of a first text.
I arrange for her to meet me at the next venue (Indian casino w/ clubs) we’re heading to and she agrees. 45 minutes later she arrives and I go to find her.
I see her at the bar ordering a drink and I come up behind her, walk into her and slightly pull her hips in against me as I slide my head in next to hers over her left shoulder. I don’t say anything or introduce the fact I’ve arrived, I just move my hands over her body. Absolutely assuming comfort and attraction, starting us off slightly escalated past where we left off and setting the mood. After a second or two the bartender makes some crack about me coming to molest or creep on her, I’m not sure what it was or what his point was. Now that I think about it he was probably trying to tool me but I didn’t even acknowledge it. I looked at him with a slight pause then gave him the “cool guy” nod + eyebrow arch, as in “Absolutely, buddy.” He didn’t say anything after that I assumed he knew his time was up lol. I touched her butt a bit then we moved off from the bar and I immediately asked her where her car was and moved off in that direction with her. She bucked at this pretty quickly and I realized she absolutely was not ready to go, and, this was NOT in the bag as they say. She definitely needed to spend more time with me before she felt comfortable getting in a car with a strange man lol. So we walk around the club a bit while I just act comfortable while maintaining a slightly sexy and physical vibe with her. I don’t give her too much physicalness and I keep it relaxed. I don’t need to make any moves here I simply need to wait for her to be ready in her natural time.
She looks at my shirt and exclaims “I know where you got this from! My brother shops there!” I say “Douches R Us?” She looks at me with widening eyes before quick instantaneous recognition that I’m a guy cool enough to call himself a douche while also recognizing what it reflects about me. Basically that I don’t fit the typical hollywood dating romance story and I do not give a fuck about social expectations. And that I fuck a lot. She tries to remember the name of the store again and this time I say “Fags R Us?” She laughs blah blah and we move on.
I comment on her lips and ask her if she’s got anyone black in her family tree. It’s a joke to me, and actually I’m trying to compliment her because she has gorgeous full lips but she takes this awkwardly and says not to bring them up again. I pull her in for a kiss and tell her I meant it as a good thing I think her lips are sexy. Anyways there’s some pretty decent resistance getting her back to her car but I’m firm and we head out. She asks why I’m not cold and I tell her it’s because I’m a real man 😉
We get in HER car and some slight awkwardness goes down. As I’m used to having more control because it’s MY car, the logistics aren’t as smooth and she feels a bit awkward and not as sexual. She gets in the driver’s seat and I slip in next to her in the same seat and proceed to gently molest her hot little body. I then tell her to climb over the middle console to the passenger seat. She resists but goes along with it. I move her dress aside and suck on her boobs and then lift her dress up and slide my hand down inside her panties. She has a soft little vagina I like it. At this point tho she isn’t quite ready and says “Wait, is this what you had in mind the whole time?” Now this is a MAJOR trap and there were many different ways I could fuck this up. As it was I did not give a fuck and just chilled out said let’s go to redbox let’s get the fuck out of here. So as we’ve turned things super sexual and she’s displayed major resistance while also not exactly being in a seduction location as Conan O’Brian calls it, there was a bit of ground lost and major potential to lose the whole thing. But I just stayed majorly chill and kept talking like nothing had happened and everything was cool. We went to a redbox and rented Kungfu Panda 2. Fuck ya. Actually I just remembered she still has it I need to text her to return it.
Anyways she asks me where we’re going and I’m puzzled as I’d just assumed we were going to her place as she lived close by. Come to find out that would present a super interesting situation. She lives with her parents and her dad is a pastor and they’re all going to church the next morning. Pretty funny to me but I could see how this could complicate things lmao. I say whatever, I’ll meet her mom etc and handle that ‘ole battleaxe, and away we go!
About 10 minutes later she trips out all of a sudden and says “No we can’t go to my house I can’t do this this is a bad idea.” I interrupt her little meltdown and attempt to head it off (get ahead of it in her mind) before it starts to shift towards me as negativity and say “No problem. Let’s go back it’s totally cool.” I grab her head and pull her in as she’s driving and give her a kiss on her head.
We get back to the parking lot and I tell her to make a left into the back of the parking lot instead of dropping me off at the entrance. She asks me why I would want to walk that far, in her head she’s just dropping me off (or maybe projecting plausible deniability) but in my head I’m setting up the lay lol. Anyways I tell her to park it between two vehicles so we can’t easily be spotted if security happens to drive by. She parks and I look at her and say come over here with those little lips. She leans in and we start making out as I slightly lean back and stretch out my lap. I wait a couple seconds as I’m trying to get my dick involved and I don’t want to put her hand on a flaccid cock, and then I take her hand and place it on my goodies. I move my sweats aside pretty immediately and she grabs it, feeling it up as it gets bigger in her hand. I put my hand on the back of her head getting her used to that (not trying to bring her head down too fast after making such an obvious movement), and then I tell her “kiss it”. She responds by leaning down and starting to suck my cock. It feels quite delish (it never doesn’t feel delish) and I start really getting into it. I think she senses I’m about to come so she stops and leans back lol. I could tell she didn’t want to show to end without getting hers ;b.
I tell her to trade spots with me and crawl into the passenger seat. After she does I whisk her panties off her and just stare down at one of the cutest delicate little vaginas I’ve ever seen. Not that 92% of coochies aren’t totally adorable, but this one just happened to look like it belonged to a porcelain doll. Seriously. Tiny little pink inner lips just barely peeking out. If you’re a fan of vagina like I am, you might know what I’m talking about. If you’re not, get the fuck off my blog. Anyways I bang away for a few minutes, just enjoying myself, and then all of a sudden hear heavy brakes squealing. I look behind me and see that the damn casino parking shuttle has parked and is dropping people off RIGHT in front of us. An old asian couple comes out and I crawl back into the driver’s seat. For some reason the old asian man waves at me (not sure if he just thought it was cool or he just wanted me to know it was alright and not flip out- no danger of that lol). Anyways I grab her keys and drive off. As I look for a more deserted part of the parking lot I reach over and claw her pussy, white tiger tantra style, while Katy Perry sings “Fireworks” on the radio. The girl really starts to enjoy herself, singing along as I’m fingerbanging the fuck out of her driving around looking for a place to park. I finally drive behind some buildings and onto a dirt road and then get back to work. My white affliction shirt keeps hanging down and attaching itself to her vagina. More on this later. I remove it and get back to work.
After a bit I tell her to get on her knees so I can hit that little ass doggystyle. I make her back up that little pussy on me back and forth without me moving, and usually I don’t enjoy this kind of thing but I realize this girl has something special going on and she’s going to make me cum. I’ve never had a girl do this before. It’s intense. I come so hard by the time I’m done I’m roaring while intermittently biting her shoulder and side of her neck.
As shit settles down and the growling subsides I realize with all the fucking going on I’ve torn the condom to shreds and I’ve definitely at least partially cum inside of her. Oops. And I have another realization. Out the back window I’ve been watching a truck come up behind us without even realizing. Big oops. So I tell her slide her dress back down, get in the driver seat, put my shirt on inside out, start her car and take off. I tear down the road and see another truck coming in from the side while the truck behind me flashes me his lights. Ok guess they got me. I pull over, look for my wallet which I can’t find, remind her my name in case she’d forgotten it, and tell her they have NOTHING on us unless she admits something so just stay calm and everything will be fine. She seems perfectly cool with it. I roll down the windows early to clear the fog off so it doesn’t seem too obvious what was going on (ya right). One of them comes up on her side and shines a light in and finally another one comes up to my window, asks me for identification and to keep my hands where he can see them otherwise. We bungle around looking for it for a couple minutes and just can’t find the damn thing. I tell him I’m getting out to find it, at which point I do and begin to look for it and STILL can’t. However I look down on the seat where I’d been sitting and spy the open condom wrapper. I grab it and stuff it in my pocket. One of the officers sees me do it and announces about 20 seconds later, “He just took something off the seat and put it in his pocket!” It was weird he waited he should have said something immediately, and they didn’t ASK ME what it was and put me on the spot so I just ignored it.
I step back and the cop asks me to stand a few feet away with another officer. I blindly do this without thinking fast enough to realize what’s going on. He immediately steps in and leans into the vehicle with his flashlight. I have a big internal “wtf” and say “Excuse me officer, what are you doing?” He doesn’t answer and I step in (which causes the other officer to get closer- two more cop cars had pulled up so we had a party going on). I say “Officer stop. I do not consent to any searches.” He says “Well you shouldn’t have anything to hide.” He actually leans back into the car at this point and I say “Excuse me..” He looks up and I catch his eyes at this point. “Once again, I do not consent to any searches. Step away. You are BREAKING THE LAW, RIGHT NOW.” He literally wilts right in front of me- shoulders hunch in and he ducks his head. Steps away from the vehicle.
Being yelled at and told by a random dude wearing an inside-out Affliction shirt covered in vagina juices (doesn’t get more douchish than that), that he’s breaking the law, and having that dude be RIGHT, does not make for a good night for him lol. However the girl gives them permission about 30 seconds later and they start searching the vehicle lol.
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Anyways I start to realize the absolute absurdity of the situation we’re in. She’s dripping my semen down the inside of her thighs and I’m standing there wearing a condom torn to rags slowly leaking my own juices into my boxer briefs as I stand there talking to cops. The smell of vagina rises off me as the cold air forces my body to give off heat. I’m literally standing there fully conscious of vagina clouds steaming off my body looking an officer in the face wondering if we’re both thinking the same thing.
I wonder if the steam was pink.
One of the officers tells another officer to search my pockets for whatever it was I put in there. I say “Uhh.. absolutely not. You have no just cause.” The officer says “Well if you won’t let us search you then we’ll give you a restriction so you can’t come on this property.” I look at him with a big wtf because actually that does kind of suck. But I say “Really? I think it’s pretty unlawful that you would try to coerce me to give up my rights by threatening me with that.” I didn’t realize at the time how absolutely genius that was.
Anyways we stand around a bit more and I make buddies with the cop guarding me and the girl has started talking to one of the other cops and come to find out they know each other’s families and he knows her dad’s church, lol. They take my id, write some notes down, come back and say they’re NOT issuing me a restriction (woot woot) and we go on our merry way. Yay!
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