Answer to a question of Group Dynamics
February 6, 2012
One of the most important factors people respond to is social dominance. Especially for girls.. it’s just their biological paradigm. At some point you’ll have to demonstrate some sort of pinache with group dynamics. In my lay reports you’ll see evidence of this, either me interacting with a group and leading the whole thing, or demonstrating some sort of “social dominance” in day to day interactions. It can be something basic like interacting with a McDonalds cashier, or introducing yourself to all her friends, or venue-changing, or leading a group interaction, or holding everyone’s attention as you tell a story.
You can be “The Man” solely with her as much as you want to, but if you can’t interact with the whole group naturally, calmly, and while exhibiting social acuity and dominance.. you’re like a one-legged giant, and she’ll lose attraction and respect for you at some point, guaranteed. So lead the environment, whatever that happens to be. If it’s just you and her, ok.. if it’s her and her friends, lead them. If it’s her and the McDonalds restaurant, lead. By the time you’re ready to ask a girl’s #, you should be able to do it in front of her friends, her parents, her priest, your mom, her dad. Jesus Christ. Alphas are very aware of social dynamics, and to be an effective leader, you have to be able to read where your people are coming from before you can take them somewhere else.
As an anecdote, I have a good buddy I’m showing the ropes to. A few weeks ago he was trying to escalate with a girl physically. Problem was that he seemed to be hiding this from her friends, escalating on her while they weren’t around. Now obviously wanting some privacy with a girl is normal, however this can be the WRONG thing to do, as it can be perceived as creepy, or show you’re not comfortable with your sexuality, or that you don’t feel fully self-entitled to getting intimate with her. Everything that you do, you should feel comfortable letting happen in front of her friends, unless you realize she feels the need to be discrete, or hidden away from her friends. So be it, but let her be the one to show this. Once again you’re aware of what she’s experiencing, and you’re able to lead her somewhere else. Now in most cases it IS a good idea to get physically intimate with a girl out of view of her friends as it’s better to be discrete, but you can’t come off like YOU are the one afraid of her friends seeing!
Remember to give most of your attention to her, but not neglect giving attention to the whole group. Just to give you an idea it should by default be around 85% her and 15% group. That’s just a rough idea. Obviously if we’re doing math during a interaction we’ve reached a whole new level of chodedom. And there are times I completely ignore her friends, it just depends on how things happen to be working out in this particular group, how much polarity I happen to be radiating at that moment. Other times if the friends are offering a lot of value and energy that just naturally draws my attention, I might hang with a girl’s friends for a bit. Though she doesn’t lose my focus altogether. It’s all a demonstration of higher value as long as you’re centered on what’s drawing your natural attention, e.g. you can’t be so overly focused on trying to “pick her up” that you ignore obvious signs you should be focusing elsewhere.
Now, all of that is a serious micromanaging of social dynamics, but it serves as a decent template for understanding how intimacy-building works in group environments. Women will appreciate you understanding and being able to navigate these situations correctly.