Cruise Report

Aight, so this shit was pretty cool. If you're in New York, I def. reccomend you do this at least once in your life. It's basically a booze cruise around the Hudson. At night, the skyline//empire state building//being on a boat = S.W.A.G...

So I was a little curious how this was going to work out when I decided to do it. You know, usually, if you blow a venue out you can just say peace and move on to the next one... not the case with a boat lmao. If I blew this cruise liner out, I wasn't going anywhere.

It was a 3 hour open bar and I had 4 beers and a glass of red wine. For a guy like me whose used to drinking a lot, this basically didn't even get me buzzed. But once again, full disclosure on the drinking. I'm cutting back when in field and it's a little tough but getting easier.

On the cab ride down I through on my headphones and listented to some jams to get pumped. Got in line and started chattin people up. Just being social, not really any intentions yet, I just wanted to get those initial nerves out. So I talk to the people in front of me, behind me and then do the ol' chat and cut and get closer to the front of the line.

BTW- if I had 3 genie wishes, I would def. wish to never have to wait in line again. Benefits: Instant boarding at airports, instant access to any club, oh and can you say instant access to heaven? Yeah purgatory... You can kindly go fuck yourself.

Anyway- get on board and hit up my first set. There's like a huge line at the bar and I walk past it and see a girl standing at the other end and lean up against the bar next to her and am just like laugh and I'm all, "New line starts here" she looks at me and laughs and we start chattin. I'm talkin abotu how we're just two bar rebels without a cause. Her friends come up and she's with 2 other girls and a dude. The dude stands behind me and is like, "Is this a line" and I'm just like, "It is now" and I chat him up a bit and then go back to the girl and introduce myself to the friends. I tell them I'm gonna head to the top of the boat, they decide to join me.

When we get to the top I grab my gal's (I refuse to say target lol- when I get to that point in all of this when I start saying target- please shoot me in the face) hand and bring her to the edge of the boat and pull a titanic and stand with my arms outspread... she starts trippin out a little cause I'm standing on the rail. I tell her to relax but one of the bouncers comes up and tells me to get down so I step down, grab her by the waist and grab//tickle her a little. We're chiln out and I'm sippin on a dos equix cause I'm the most interesting man in the world. Pretty chill moment, great feel to it. Anyway- her friends come down because they are gay and want to interrupt our moment. It's cool though. They pull her away and say they have to meet up with their other friends. I stand there and don't say anything at all but it was dope because the entire group just stood in place and like didn't move. Then after like a 7 second standoff, they grab the friend and I'm like, "Hey put your number in"... she does so.

Walk back inside and see a group of girls and walk up and kinda like exaggerate neediness and hyperactivity and I'm like, "HEY GUYS HEY GUYS HEY GUYS- DID YOU SEE THE EIFFEL TOWER, DID YA, DID YA" and like exaggerate bad body language lmao.. they love it and start laughing and then pause and are like, "wait. wtf. that's in france" And I just laugh and ignore. Lmao so then one of the girls who I'm talking to at some point points at her friend and is like "You look exactly like him" hahahahha SO NOT TRUE. This girl looked NOTHING like me AT ALL. I started cracking up super hard... cause it was just like absurd. I point at the girl and I'm like, "You hear that, you look like me- YOU UGLY" but in a joking way...Girl fucking freaks out at me and is all, "Omg you just called me ugly!" and I'm just like *Face Palm* and don't even respond, I just keep eye contact with her and don't say a word. Then she keeps saying it. She keeps saying, "OMG you called me ugly. I'm not ugly" and I just keep not saying anything. Honestly, at this poitn I just didn't think there was a more appropriate response to this girls whining. Then she walks away and I start talking with her friend again. Like 1-2 minutes later the girl comes up to me and goes, "I'm done with that" and I grab her hand and I'm like, "It's okay"... She starts qualifying herself hardcore. Like saying how she's not like that blah blah blah. I let go of her hand and we're standing next to each other and the friend comes up and thinks the girl is still mad at me and is like, "okay, let's go" and the other girl is like, "No, I'm okay, let's stay"

I forget why I left lmao, but at some point I leave, get a few blowouts and mini sets that fizzle and then I start chattin up a couple of girls at some other part of the boat and it's going alright. Apparently they had been talking to some dude and he sees this and comes up and goes to the girls and kinda ignores me and is like, "Let's go upstairs" and I don't even care that he wasn't talking to me and before the girls can respond, I'm just like, "We'll meet you up there bud" and the guy is like, "No let's go now" and I'm like, "No, it's cool, we'll meet you up there" and he tries AGAIN LMAO- and I don't even look at him this time and just exchange a half smile/half laugh with one of the girls and I'm like, "No, really- it's cool man. Have fun" the dude leaves and we start chattin again, a ilttle bi later, after I had established that they just met that dude, I'm all, "Thank god I was hear to save you from the creeps" and the girl is just like, "Yeah, I don't know what his deal was" - What I find to be REALLY funny is that their interaction with that dude had actually been going really well lmao. It's like if I hadn't been there, they wouldn't have thought he was a creep at all. But because I said it they were just like, "Yeah... he is a creep huh..."

Anyway- it's getting towards the end of the boat ride and I'm just like shouting at girls, "Jane afterparty. Jane afterparty" cause some of my friends from school were there. I see the girl who I had called ugly before and I go up and grab her hand and I'm like, "JANE AFTERPARTY" she's down. She's like, "Yeah, let me tell my friends" so she tells her friends and they are down. So I text my buddy that I'll meet him there. I tell the girl that we're gonna take a cab together. She obliges and one of her friends says she's gonna come with us (I hadn't quite earned their trust yet I guess)... I think I never transitioned past attraction... Like I didn't get into that deep rapport/comfort stuff at all.

Anyway- takes us like 20 minutes to get a fucking taxi. End up cruising over and I'm texting my buddy whose there and he's all, "Dude there's a MASSIVE line" lmao I told another community guy that I was going and he texts me and just goes, "Not gonna work tonight" and I text him back and I'm just like, "I'm going to get in" and he goes, "I hope you have girls"... I get there and... JESUS CHRIST the line was retarded. So many people- it was a straight up ZOO. I'm thikning to myself, "These girls aren't hot enough to pull our weight through this line" so I start thinking logisticis. I was in an awkward position and I had to figure out how to make this shit work out. Like I was with 2 girls which was good, but at the same time, there were a fuckton of people and I was seeing reallll cuties getting rejected. I meet my friend in the line and I'm like, "Alright, holld up. I'ma try something" and I walk past the entire line and ignore the bouncer and go straight for the doorman. I'm like, "Hey man, my buddies are inside, what's it looking like" He goes, "Private Party" and I'm just like, "FUCK" That's just what all the clubs say if you're not getting in. I keep being persistent and stay in with him for maybe 5 more minutes, just tryin to not be annoying but also get him to let me in. Cause I figure, if he says yes to me, I can go grab the girls and be like, "Oh there with me too"... Anyway- doesn't work.

So I walk outside to think. This is not good. Walk back inside and talk to the girls and my buddy a bit more. End up near the front of the line and I hear some people in front of me say some name and then get in. And I'm like.... GOLD FUCKING MINE. So I tell my buddy what the people in front of us said and I'm like, "Just say that" ... so he does and, like sweet sweet magic, he gets a fucking wristband lmao. Apparently it was actually some chicks birthday party. So i tell the girls to go in front of me (I'm still worried about getting in myself cause I had already tried without the name) They do the same shit and also get wristbands...

I go up to the bouncer say the name and get a wristband but as I'm walking past the doorman he goes, "No, he's not getting in" FUCK. I had really pissed this guy off somehow. The bouncer is like, "No he's cool, he had the name" and the doorman, goes, "Huh?" and is like, "Yo who gave you that name" and I'm just like... "FUCK".. cause obviously I don't actually know the name of anyone in this party and I'm just like, "my friend inside called me and told me" Doorman is pissed off and pulls out his fake guest list that they use to pretend like there is actually some "list" you have to be on... But I know this is bullshit. So I'm just like, "look man, I'm not tryna cause a scene, I just want to go and chill with my friends inside" and he's just like, "whatever. Take the wristband off but you can go in" and I'm just like... uh okay.

So I get in and the girls are gone. FUCK. My buddy is still there though and is like, "Yeah man. They went upstairs" At this point I wasn't feelin that great. I had to be way too logical for way too long and then the girls bailed and I couldn't go and meet up with everyone upstairs cause I didn't have a wristband. Run into Katalyst. Say hi for a bit. I walk into the back and approach like three girls but It's not clicking. Head home with my buddy.