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Warming Up At The Club --> Hit, Hit, Hit or Chill Out? Emulating your "state" behaviours or staying congruent?

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Falc
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Joined: 03/09/2012
This has been the main thing in PU that's been on my mind and the biggest focus of my trial and error when I go out. I'm just wondering what you guys do when you get to teh club and you're cold. Do you minimize time between sets or do you grab a beer and hangout for a while to relax? And when in set, do you guys act like you do when you're in state (maybe laughing/joking alot, escalating hard, leading alot, whatever it is for you) or do you stay congruent to your feelings, even if they're chodey?


I feel like there's pros and cons of both. If you mnimize time between sets I find it can get you warmed up and especially if you get a makeout or some validation it can really get you going, but girls also SEE you doing that shit and can get turned off, which is not to mention taht you can get locked into a "pick-up personna" as opposed to being a normal, chill guy (which is what I think will get you laid by really hot chicks). Chilling out and casually talking or dancing with people, but also spending time out of set or with your buddies only, has the advantage that it not only can help you relax and take the pressure/urgency out of the whole "pick-up" aspect of the night but girls will notice you and start to wonder who that guy is and shit. On the downside, if youre dreading approaching youll just go into your head and get further and further away from what you really wanna be doing...which really brings me to why I dont like spending the first bit of the night like this, I wanna be talking to hot girls, not hanging out on the side. I also don't like bouncing around the club like giggly faggot and being all "I'm so in state bro!".

With the escalation stuff, I have gotten laid escalating when it was "incongruent" to escalate so theres definitely a pro there. Also, it can help you warmup when you see taht girls respond well to your escalation so you unstifle and realise you can do whatever the fuck you want. However, you can also get locked into a personna where you just run up on girls and makeout with them because thats whats been getting you responses all night...hardcore escalation becomes the new button-push, pre-canned style. On the flipside, I don't think I've ever gotten laid by letting my chode feelings dictate my behaviour, if I feel chodey I act just a little ahead of my feelings and the feelings sort of catch up...I'm also new to this and may totally change my mind in a little. How do girls respond to you when you approach them cold, nervous, not having fun and introduce yourself/try to converse with them? How does it make YOU feel?
Steve (not verified)
I can only speak for going
I can only speak for going out solo since I go out solo 90% of the time. Two rules I must follow unless I want to have to play catch up later on are.

1) Open first group of people during the night(guys / girls doesn't matter)
2) Minimize time between sets

As far as being congruent, I played around with this a bit a two months ago. From my experience, when I'm congruent to being in a shitty mood and honest about it they'll talk to you a bit more. What this would do for me is get me in a rhythm of being social until I flip out of it. I've also tried going up and pretending to be in a mood that I'm not, usually ends very poorly with quick blowouts. None the less you can still get into state because, at least to me, it becomes funny after awhile of getting blown out.

The way it makes me feel when I do these congruent approaches is pretty solid. What I think you're relaying is that "People like and are social with me no matter what mood I'm in"
Buddhagames
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Joined: 01/31/2012
When I'm NOT in state- I make
When I'm NOT in state- I make a specific point to approach girls almost more so than when I AM in state.

I like to just have a couple heavy rapport convos. Usually this is enough to get the juices flowing.

If I'm out with my buddies it just depends. Some of my buddies are real fucking lady killers so when we go out, they don't know about the community but they might as well, cause we just all sorta do our own thing and hit up girls and then like we'll randomly meet up throughout the night just to fuck around or whatnot

I have other buddies who aren't as much into that and when I go out with them, I know it's gonna be a BRO night. So I chill with them, laugh, drink some brews and a lot of times, with this group, I'll just bring girls into the fold, so to speak. These guys aren't faggots, they just don't approach but if I bring girls to them, they are real cool guys and girls will love hanging out with us. So I just do that. It's fun with this group cause it's just a different way of getting in state. I've had some of my craziest nights with these guys.
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Manwhore
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Joined: 01/18/2012
I haven't read the replies
I haven't read the replies man but it seems like you're actually in a pretty solid place with learning this stuff. Oh wait wtf this is Falc? You fucking fag

Ya you're good. I like the part about staying ahead of your feelings. Umm.. the answer is quite simply.. I'm never in a bad state. I'm also SO in charge of my social context and environment that it's me dictating shit when I walk up. I'm not looking for their reaction I'm simply introducing a vibe and seeing if they like it and want to play along. Sometimes.. they don't. Lol

The answer is to work on your baseline emotional state.. and to solidfy in your mind your own value, so you're never stifled but always feeling relaxed and calm and casual about projecting who YOU are at all times. I know that sounds like nu-RSD bullshit, but the physiological training over yourself is VERY real. So what most guys actually go thru is something they don't even REALIZE. E.g. they walk up and immediately lose their train of thought and emotional headspace, OR, don't even adopt their own in the first place. They're taken over by fear from the get-go, and walk up projecting that to women, and of course women are like "ew gtfo." So it self-perpetuates. Enjoy yourself at a club. Tear some shit up. Talk to a bartender, a door girl, a dude with a funky hat, do NOT worry about being mr. seduction man. Fuck that shit that shit will COME. Relax and have fun. May the night bring death and destruction
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Falc
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Joined: 03/09/2012
Ya that's what "offering
Ya that's what "offering value" really is right? You're basically offering your own positive emotions and headspace to the girl, who will wanna latch on to your awesome reality. Congruence is a funny one too, because you hear about guys like Ryan getting laid when they're in a shit mood or even feeling insecure, but I feel like congruence subcommunicates social status because you're indicating that people like you however you feel so you're giving the girl a reality she'll want to be a part of anyways. Plus girls like emotional spikes in any direction.

One thing that's helped me a lot with this stuff is having a big group of cool, hilarious PU guys I roll with. Whenever I go the bars in Toronto there are anywhere up to like 20 PU guys there and it just becomes a hilarious pick-up party with everyone laughing about shit that everyone else is doing, bumping into each other with stories and so forth...kinda like these forums but in person lol. I feel bad because I'm starting to alienate a lot of older friends to do this shit! It's more fun though, really.

Faggot...
Manwhore
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Joined: 01/18/2012
Ryan gets laid because he
Ryan gets laid because he leads girls.. into negativity and bad emotions lol. He spins that into.. let's get the fuck out of here... hey maybe if I stick my dick in you it'll feel good...
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I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student

- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)

- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male

Tap Or Click For Personal Coaching Information