Why do we tend mentally torture ourselfs over a breakup with a long term gf?Even if we know is wrong
I will keep things short here and say that after a 2 year long relationship with a girl we kinda have to breakup for multiple reasons.
I do have to say that i have fallen for what Jon said in one of his videos ,that "way to cold" type of gaming your girl.I didnt want to say things like "i love you" because i reasoned that it might make me look weak and shit(which now i know its fucked up).So this would be my main take away from it.
Also,when we meet up to talk i for some reason told her that i was fucking other chicks so that was the nuke for her apparently.After that she came over to my house saying shit like: "i should not be here", "this is wrong"..bla bla bla.We fucked then after she left.After some days i hit her up and she tells me something in the lines of "i dont want a guy that does what my father did to my mom"..."he cheated and still cheats on her" and that this will happen again.This was a thing i didnt know and made some connections in my head.Like she told me that she wanted to pleasure me ...do what i wanted from her...etc.To me,it sure looks like she wanted to prove her value to me...like she wanted to do to her father.She is not a bad girl or something.It was my only long term relationship with a girl and now i can see the mistakes i ve made and also things i didnt saw until now about me...gaps in my way of thinking.
This brings me to the question: Why do i feel butthurt now about her leaving me,even if i know that its self sabotage?
I am aware of this feeling inside me.I guess its the confort which makes me blind to her deep problems and i let myself affected.I also see how it brings the pussy out of me and but at the same time.its a new feeling for me because i have never let myself slip into a exclusive relationship...so i would reflect on this and try to find other sinkholes in my way of thinking.
You feel this way because you denied your feelings and kept them locked inside in a misguided way. You know at a deep level this is your fault. No shit you're gonna be butthurt lol. I'd also say you feel like an idiot for telling her you fucked other girls hahaha. Plus she left YOU and you've have no control over it.
So, really no fucking shit you're gonna be butthurt nigga lol.
Does it bother you that you don't say "I love you" lol. I don't think that's completey necessary man. You're not trying to get married here. Fuck that shit. Be more worried about doing dumb shit like telling your girl you cheated on her.
Yes...now i see how much of a shithead i was for telling her that .
She even told me that she wanted to work this out ...but i fucked up when i told her that i fucked other girls.Shot myself in the fucking head lol.
What do you mean why? Because she knows you probably better than anyone and she left you. Lol. Hertz, donut.
You know for a fact she wasn't fucking other guys? No
Her father is still with her mom? That means something. What's the divorce rate like in your country? In the U.S. cheating on your wife for thirty years = successful marriage.
Her parents are still together.The divorce rate is not so big here because a bunch of reasons...in this case,i think that the case is :because her mom is a hardcorde christian and all that...and her dad was a joey badass when he was young...i guess she loved that asshole :))ha classic case ,isnt it.
But yeah,being probably ashamed of not being considered a broken family,her mom maybe went blind to this fuckers escapades.
From what i know,she didnt fcuked anyone.BUT!Last year in october she moved in the same city as me for college and all that jaz...coming from a small town.Now a slimy shithead of a collegue got under her skin (the cry shoulder i guess...that orbited around her until he got his shot:)) ha)while i was like she told me "not so romantic and loving".I dont know if she fucked this guy in this chaos period(we saw eachother abut 4 5 days ago and fucked and she said shit like "how would u feel if he fucked me" "maybe he did...maybe he didnt" bla bla...all that drama juice.It was a bit sad to see this,because i know its just to make me jelous and shit.So besides this revange shit that is going on...i dont think she fucked other guys.
I didnt understand this one : Because she knows you probably better than anyone and she left you.
I have some reasons why i dont just cut off all this drama and move on.
First is that i really like her and i know she is a good girl...no bs.
Second,this is my first breakup :)) I never had a relationship for this long and that went this deep.She was young when we meet and i ve shaped her and changed her in a massive way. And i want to get as much of this event for me to study and use in my development.I have made some big discoveries the last few days while i was thinking about all of this.I was blind to a lot of weak shit i was slowly slipping in and i wanna go all the way with this...make or brake...and see what other flaws i have.
What Manwhore is saying is that you're feeling the normal feelings that we feel as humans when someone we are very intimate with abandons us lol. Thats all.
While true, I also think you're butthurt about it because you did something really retarded :)
It's time to let go and move on to greener pastures. Forget this shit. The lesson is don't tell your fucking girlfriend you fucked other girls unless you don't
really give a shit anymore. Nothing good comes of it.
Oh, don't think just because her parents are still together that she's not a slut. Many of the biggest sluts I've known have had parents who have been together
until one of them died. It's super common.
Move on. There are no lessons here. Stop rationalizing reasons to cling onto this bullshit. You didn't even lose. You cheated on her, so it's at least even. Just
don't go telling bitches you call GF's that you cheated on them.
Did you actually love her?
Yes.But i fucked up big time because i was too cold with her and to much fun fun fun...and ignoring the fact that she wanted some soft side of me,not only the fun and going into adventures and fucking everywhere .She was 18 when started all this...now she is 20.
And maybe all of this is a bit harder for me then it should because its my first real breakup and knowing that i have to grow again with somebody else from bottom up again scares me inside.
A guy cheating in a relationship isn't that bad. That's what society wants you to think. Yeah there's some trust breaching going on but all that gets swept under the rug when its you that she really wants. Cheating and getting caught when she's really into you will actually strengthen your relationship lol
One thing that i kinda dont understand is why or how does she convince herself that fooling around with a weak bugger sissy is good for her (aka making me jelous).Its so strange.I mean ,could you not do better?:)) Or she finds healing controlling this poor chump .Might be the case
Yeah? What's this dude think of you?
I dont know that ,i never talked to him. Should I?she told me he was a poor soul who wanted to comit suicid and her love for him is making him better.or some shit like this.I dont know how to handle this,to be honest.
After i talked to her i know that he knew about me when they first had contact.So she basically let the door open.Not a problem...i dont fuss about it.What i realised is that her clinging is rooted in deeper shit that i didnt knew about her.She knows that guy is a mess ...but she basically chose him...and she told me"you will see that i ll make it good " bla bla bla "i ll show you".So she saw my coolness as a signal that: wait,this guy could live without me and will not affect him...but hey,look at this poor shit...he will surelly need me...and be with me because he needs me..he is fucked up.In her mind,she thinks she can fill tha void with this fucked up poor kid.This came as a bomb to me.Now i m great.I know that if we made it anyway,she would have been a nightmare and problems would have rip my life apart.
Jordan Peterson said in a clip: You cant help somebody who doesnt want to be helped.And as a analogy to beach lifeguards,"if i have to choose between you drown or we drown...its you drown".
I dont know that ,i never talked to him. Should I?she told me he was a poor soul who wanted to comit suicid and her love for him is making him better.or some shit like this.I dont know how to handle this,to be honest.
No, meaning how do you think she's describing you to him? Be objective, lol.
Essentially she just wants emotions. You ain't giving her any, this poor shit's baggage is all she's getting. So essentially you set the bar so low for it that even this poor slob makes her feel more fulfilled. Haha
Maybe something in the lines of:he is not giving me love,we only have sex .
And curious enough,she sends me a pic with one of my shirts on after all this fiasco.She said that it made her feel close to me and bla bla bla.And when i talked a bit to her she told me that the shithead gives her love and all that fuzz...but something its missing.And that something is me.And after this,she says that we will meet again after she heals that punk:)))wtf.What i will do know is get over it and let her spin her wheels...and more then surely she will come back to me.But by then i will already get on my grind and see other women.Life goes on i guess.I tried to give her a hand but she refused and went with him because of the good emotions that filled her gap.Me being a monster now.I hope my assesment is decent
She fuked em. Lol. I would get really good with girls, reengage her, save up like a 10 day back up of sperm then blow it on her face. Not only to be vengeful but she’ll probably become some orbital chick for you, lol.
Thats just me though
More then likely,even tho she said she didnt.I mean,for like 3 months she was undercover with this...leaving shit like roses in her room ..and i saw this but i didnt said shit.First ,i knew she didnt liked roses so somebody got it for her.When i told her this she said: "i left them knowing that you would see them...but u didnt cared apparently...your were not jelous " wtf?!.Anyway,its a matter of time before she comes back after she dumps that crabhead :))Question is,how should i hadle her from then on?Cutting all that sweet shit and keep it business only i think.I had "chased her" more then enough so when she will return,i ll be extra careful with how i handle her.These is new ground for me but i like to experiment.
I'd go Bateh's route. Instead of you just simpering, waiting around for her to come back to you. That's not new ground buddy. That's chodedom and you've been there before lol
I will do this.Thanks for the feedback guys.Much appreciated
I was kind of joking but honestly if you get good with girls this girl will be nothing more than an old blip on the radar.
yeah,i know.This single girlfriend stuff messed up my game pretty bad.I will get back on the horse stronger never the less.Its just my first breakup with a long time girl and its a pain in the butt more then it should.Revenge headshot is still a sexy revenge:))ha
Couple things i've learned from being in a relationship with not only a crazy chick, but also an extremely emotional and a highly intelligent emotional girl at that. Like this girl knew exactly the shit she was doing and still kept doing it cause of the emotions.
My ex was constantly trying to save these total losers out of drugs and the like because she "found the light" and wanted to show them too lol. She was a total healer and a wacko at that. The reality is that she's also insecure as fuck and can't get her shit straight.This girl sounds completely like the healer type and the fact that she's describing that she wants to "save" him is exactly this intense need for emotions you're describing.
You got to be highly experienced and trained to deliver emotions on this level or else girls like these will run all over you. These girls crave drama to no end and are constantly stirring the pot. They actually have a soft spot for some chodeish behavior. I routinely saw these rejects run chode game on my girl and it actually work on her sympathies. Crazy. Tbh, your girlfriend sounds low quality to be falling for stuff like that. Get out and be happy you're out.
Yea all girls want emotions but this sounds like a fucking headache.
Or just craft a story about how you have cancer and see the game change lol ;) Kidding. But you get it.
To really rope them down, you've got to be a serious trophy in their eyes. A great way I pulled this off once was creating a rags to riches story and making it relatable to them. It really gets them hooked on the whole "savior" "he is the one" aspect. Pretty cool stuff.
I can relate exactly to this.She does have a big load of issues but the bigger problem is that she lives in denial.Never did she apologize for anything that she did.Constantly lying.First i thought that she tried to lowkey fuck me over and replace me with this peehead.Now i understood that the dragon is much more bigger.For her well being i hope she hits the brick wall in the future and see that her shit is fucked up :))Deuces bish
Don’t villify her though. That’s unhealthy and you dont want to build resentmen to women.
Yeah my ex never took responsibility either lol. Always found ways to “excuse” herself and fooled herself into thinking she was changing or that I was in the wrong. Common theme. No need to get butthurt or upset about it. If you can’t lead them out of it then recognize the idiocracy for what it is and leave. You shouldn’t be arguing with them. As a man, arguing with a woman? Nah son, super unsexy and low value.
Golden rule.No beef with girls.More now then ever.I have read somewhere that people tend to take criticism more lightly when they expect it :)) If your really want to shake somebody up,you blast them when they think everything is pink and fluffy.This way its much more likely that they will think about what they have done.
More over,doctor peterson said that when you talk to somebody and they shoot their ideology and faulty principles at you,you could tell if they are dominated by them if you feel that even if it was somebody else in your seat,it would have been the same speech/story.Only tapes that start playing in certain situations .
I feel no hate for her.I am aware that there were many more good times with her than bad ones and thats just life.The best i can do is hope she gets her shit str8. #goodvibesonly.
And one big takeaway from all of this was the fact that you have to allow yourself to be vulnerable with certain girls so you can reach a deeper connection with them.And be ok with the very likely outcome of a breakup.
Its called “falling” in love for a reason. Wherever you are be there totally
In your case,it was the girl you talked about in your last post,right?
Its so funny man:))when we had a serious talk last time before the breakup , she gave the same line :
Her: I dont want to see other people, honestly i dont htink i'd be able to lol but if that's what you want i understand and respect that
Lol! Highly curious. What was the situation and what transpired afterwards? She ended up seeing other people right? This chode guy?
actually,i found out from her room mate that she was seeing that shithead long before that...like for a month or so.
I have even got the crazy karma to meet them both as they were out from school like today =)) The little pussy didnt even had the balls to look at me.He turned away
She was seeing him while you two were still exclusive? Shit dat sucks.
I found out lately this.I think she started to see him when she started to tell me shit like: why arent u more romantic? why dont u stay a bit more with me in the morning? etc.
At the end of the day,we are on this forum to grow and i hope that all this drama show gave me a lifetime lesson and i hope it was some good value for the new guys on the forum.
There's a subtle play for "superiority" you've got going on here that you haven't quite earned mang. I don't think this particular girl is that crazy. Daddyjihad's was, he was playing with fire, wanted to get burned as most young guys do, push the limits of their emotional-sexual control. She was crazy, coulda had the makings of a full-blown black widow. But Jihad probably turned her. She'll may never go down that dark selfish path now women of that emotional calibre sometimes do. But she's young, it still may happen lol. See if she gets into guns or not, that's how you'll know. Lol.
Your girl is simply looking for someone to emotionally connect with, you ain't doing that. Dudes think they can just use a girl for their sexual needs and call that good enough. I mean basically that's what most the male population is trying to get away with. Same here.
And bro I do not keep trying to subtly insult you just for kicks, how dare I. I'm simply attempting to keep you on the right track. It is so fucking easy to rationalize things as us being superior in some way. But that's not what's happening here. You're dry dude. A dry ass cracker, you don't even have cheese. She's a woman, she's the topping. The ooey gooey stuff. She's attempting to fill in the gaps, layer everything with a pretty flavor and bedazzled look. Clearly... she ain't working with much. 'Cuz she's having to fill in all the gaps, and what you're left with is a bunch of overly sugary crap that's bad for your intestines.
You need to beefen up your vibe, bro. Maybe get yoself some FOCACCIA bread. Mmm.. betcha the girls would like that. Then they could stop fuckin' around with weak weirdos. 'Cuz I mean.. apparently that's your competition mang.
For sure i am to blame in big part for this shit show.And i do not take this feedback as being harsh and stuff(i did this years ago when i was a little prick).I want to take it all in and guide myself on the right track.
I was somehow aware of my M. O but i did not know i was that much off the charts(in a bad way).In my chase to develop/discover the harder/stronger part of myself,i shoved aside the soft side and took it as some kind of weakness.The only thing that stings now is the fact that i realised she was good to me and she got herself into shit because of my ignorance.I would like to fix this somehow(or at least get the sense of how could i do this for future situations).She still wants to meet me (said that she loves me)and we fuck but she keeps sayin we are not 2gether and all that(i guess that chump doesnt even fuck her).
Lol she's getting hers that's for sure.
Bro she cheated on you. Is this your doing? Hell ya it is but you can’t get back together with a girl who broke that. That’s setting the wrong precedent and its a whole nother ball game to comeback from that. It’ll basically always leave a sour taste in your mouth and you’ll be on constant edge thinking she’s gonna do it again. That leads to a variety of ofher issues to arise that were never there before: Power trips, neediness, mental chatter to no end, controlling etc
Think super clingy aggro boyfriend at the club who does mma so he’ll never lose his gf lol.
You want to work on emotional connection? Learn to become vulnerable. Connect with people in ways that are deep and relatable to them. Share experiences in your past, inquire about theirs, figure out their motivations and detriments and compare and contrast. Actually give a fuck about people and yourself.
I can feel the needyness monster poking its head right know...mixing all this sort of shit..like guilt and the need to repari broken shit.Indeed,getting back with her will surely give me a mental war and will suck all the fun out of me.Because i will always be on the reactive side.Damn the pussy spell is strong ...i young fool like myself needs to learn it the hard way.
Also one thing i observed is the need to feel this Gf void quickly.Again,reacting from a place of fear and scarcity.The right thing to do is cut it off for good.The deed was done
Lol @ black widow. Yup she is in ROTC Marine Corps and was considering joining the airforce. But her heart was calling towards espionage, translating, cia type shit, or going into the infantry. Oh and her favorite superhero was cat woman. This girl rocked skin tight jumpsuits hot damn.
Very coy appearance but a sexy little lioness inside ready to strike. Its all in the eyes. I still love her for it :)
Girls can join the infantry?? Wtf
If she goes through with infantry her pussy is gonna bring back the bubonic plague.
^Lol. Nah pretty sure she abandoned those avenues a while ago. Idk if they do or not tbh, not my space. She had the fitness levels for it though hot damn. Girl was nationally ranked in her PT scores.
Most military routes will turn a girl out lol. My buddy is in the navy and the living situation is co-ed. Girls (whatever are there) are getting gang banged on the regular.
Where she livin these days? The pt stud
One last question related to all of this shit show: Is it healthy to turn your ex into a fuckbuddy?
I m asking this because i have mixed feelings about it.On one side,i can get her to follow on my lead and maybe get into hotter shit like 3somes and shit...but on the other side its that shitty feeling that it might not be the right choice emotionally because all of the shit that went on and also the fact that after our last talks i found out she had keept hidden from me her fucked up problems and stuff ...lots of lies from her side and not exactly the right image i had about her....and that makes me feel like a retard.
Yeah all those are old boyish, immature machinations. It didn't work out? Keep fucking her. And yeah duh, have threesomes with her.
I will work into this and report back with news.Cheers and thank you for the clear vision.