What do you all think of this Quora story of a mom and her two daughters? P.S. there's a dad in this story too
Several years ago my teenage daughter (13 at the time) had some problems with staying up really late and then it was almost impossible to get her up in the morning. The major reason being she was on her phone/social media with friends until all hours. I felt it was getting out of hand so after 11 pm she had to hand her phone over to me and I’d give it back to her in the morning.
Normally, I’d throw her phone in a drawer and give it back to her the next morning, but for some reason one night I had it on my dresser. Around midnight it started buzzing repeatedly with texts. I got up to put it in the dresser so I wouldn’t hear it, but as I looked at the screen I saw a bunch of texts had come in from her older sister who was away at college. My cell was downstairs in my purse and I thought maybe something was wrong and that’s why she was repeatedly texting her younger sibling. In any case, I opened the most recent text. It turned out to be a text telling my youngest daughter how much she hated me. I know I should have just shut it down and put it back, but I couldn’t believe my eyes and went on to read other texts between them. The texts mainly talked about how upset they were with me and what a bad mom they felt I was (main reasons were I checked up on their grades when they were in high school and limited cell phone usage). My feelings were so hurt. Initially I didn’t say anything to my daughters or husband because I knew I was wrong to have checked her phone.
This happened a week or two before Mother’s Day. In any case, as Mother’s Day approached my husband wanted to know what I wanted to do. He was trying to organize something with the girls for me but I kept shutting it down. I felt it would be so hypocritical for us to do something together because my daughters really didn’t want to be with me anyways. I was so angry and hurt and I didn’t want to say or do anything that might make the situation worse. In any case, I finally told my husband what had happened and why I felt the way I did. We had a huge fight about it and he felt that I had violated their privacy. I admitted to my daughters about what I had done too and expressed my regret about doing it. I told them I was sorry. My oldest proceeded to call me a bitch and told me about all the ways I had ruined her and her sister’s lives. She threatened to tell my friends and coworkers that I was a child abuser.
The relationships I had with my daughters and husband were irrevocably changed because of that event. I had always been the prime disciplinarian in our family. My husband always wanted to be the girls’ friend, he hated the hard part of parenting. After that I cut back on disciplining my youngest and asked my husband to step up more with things. He resents me for it and will say “Why can’t you correct her?” It’s definitely put a wedge between us. He also put a lock on his cell phone so no one can get into or see his messages but him. My oldest and I have mended fences somewhat, but we really aren’t that close. When she needs or wants something she’ll reach out to me at times, but her father is usually her preferred first choice. And my youngest, she is emotionally aloof. I constantly tell her how proud I am of her and that I love her, but she rarely if ever responds. It’s been almost 5 years since the incident. When my father died last year it was one of the few times she said she loved me. I’m not sure if it was sincere or she just felt she had to say it.
Sooo . . ., I often wish I had never found those text messages while snooping. I thought we had a strong family that loved each other but I now realize we only have tolerated each other. Perhaps the old saying “Ignorance is bliss” is true. It certainly would have seemed so in my case.
Dad is a total pussy - and it's had irreparable repercussions on the whole family :/
-We had a huge fight about it and he felt that I had violated their privacy. Here he's throwing her under the bus
-I had always been the prime disciplinarian in our family. My husband always wanted to be the girls’ friend, he hated the hard part of parenting. Her husband was always a pussy it seems :(
-He resents me for it and will say “Why can’t you correct her?” This is present tense of him being a pussy.
This is one version of one person's perspective so obviously one should take this with a grain of salt but it seems that the problem is pretty clear. What's funny is that she doesn't seem to verbalize it at all, she ends with saying she'd rather remain ignorant about the whole thing.
This is another result of poor parenting based on beliefs that you have to be your childrens' friend rather than their parent. We could say poor woman but she chose to reproduce with a weak man.
Also do you know this person or do you browse Quora and read this stuff?
I read through some of the other answers there's some cool shit in there
This college gal needs a good ol' fashioned spanking. How do you get away with calling your mom a bitch? I got the broom and the flip-flop when I was a kid.
Just a thing to consider.
My father warned me that the kids' education and rules setting had to be discussed before marriage as a screening process. The topic has to "just come up" in the conversation. He warned me when I was 13.............
The education and disciplinary has to be congruent between parents. The disagreement between parents has to be settled when kids are not there. The way of doing things has doomed this family to unsuccessful parenting. Even if this incident does not happen, there is going to be something in the future to expose this tension.
Another point, there is a saying in Chinese that basically says the teenager turns out the same way when he was three, and the old man turns out the same way when he was seven. Its major point is that once the kids are past seven, the parents have nothing to do to stir the kids' development. The older one is in college and the younger one is 13.
Parenting is in the root of every problem to an extent. The college one now has to learn the lesson herself, and the 13-year old's problem is entirely the parents' fault.
EDIT: There is something I want to add. Parenting is pretty much one of the most important things in the world, but somehow people just do it without really learning about it. I think it is dangerous.
Also, I am wondering how this "mother" behaves around her mother, and if the daughters have a chance to see their mother treating grandma well.......
Actually, in this case, I do not think spanking is the best way to do it. It shows nothing but parents' weak parenting skills.
This is a problem should be fixed at a very young age.
Yea I was kidding but I should’ve clarified. Actually, I was mostly just talking shit lol
I'm very happy with the answers in here. Solid perspectives