Questions related to getting a gf
Mon, 07/30/2012 - 20:40
So ive never had a gf, just turned 24 a week ago. Ive had pseudo gfs or stable hook ups. That being said im curious as to how everyone got a gf. Specifically did you drop seeing other girls while dating the gf contendor or did you see them on the side in order to diversify and mitigate emotional investment. Ive had problems before of being too needy, but i think im pretty chill now - though i do think my emotions still emerge prematurely still. Now i recognize this in myself so i manage my emotions as best as i can - which i think i do a really good job of. my So the reason im saying this is because ive been dating foreign student who i made a thread of on this forum months ago. Weve been dating for like 2 month now and its pretty good. At the beginning i was seeing other girls but now that ive graduated ive been focusing on my future more. Got a full time job and ive been studying for lsat so it doesnt really leave a lot of energy nor time to rage and hit up chicks. I pretty much stopped hooking up with other girls aside from a slip up this past weekend. i felt a little bit bad but her and i havent had that talk where were saying were exclusive. My next question is she says she doesnt want a relationship but sends mixed signals because her actions say otherwise. And no i havent closed. Ive been trying tho lolol. My next question is would you care given the ambiguity of the relationship. And third, would you pursue a girl with the intent of getting into a relationship despite her saying shes not looking for a relationship.
Mon, 07/30/2012 - 21:06
#1
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
@Aequitas:
Ok. I twas reading and everything was cool. Until you said you haven't closed... And then I read up again where is says she doesn't want a relationship. This brings up several worries. Why are you "dating" (or seeing) a girl you aren't fucking? And when did she say she doesn't want a relationship? Did you ask her?
Essentially the fastest way to GF a chick up is start having sex with her ASAP!!! And then slowly start hanging out with her more and more and eventually she'll bring up exclusivity.
But just from what you said here you won't get this girl as your gf and not should you even if you can. If you dont have te skills to fuck a girl you want to date you shouldn't be dating. First get good with all women and then you can pick one.
And the fact that you haven't fucked her yet shows that something is off with your game or with this specific chick that you probably think is special.
Any of this sound right?
Ok. I twas reading and everything was cool. Until you said you haven't closed... And then I read up again where is says she doesn't want a relationship. This brings up several worries. Why are you "dating" (or seeing) a girl you aren't fucking? And when did she say she doesn't want a relationship? Did you ask her?
Essentially the fastest way to GF a chick up is start having sex with her ASAP!!! And then slowly start hanging out with her more and more and eventually she'll bring up exclusivity.
But just from what you said here you won't get this girl as your gf and not should you even if you can. If you dont have te skills to fuck a girl you want to date you shouldn't be dating. First get good with all women and then you can pick one.
And the fact that you haven't fucked her yet shows that something is off with your game or with this specific chick that you probably think is special.
Any of this sound right?
Mon, 07/30/2012 - 22:13
#2
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
@icewahine: Personally I don't see a problem dating a girl without boning ... At least at the beginning. It'll get old real quick and she'll get the boot if it gets ridiculous. It definitely should be assesed in a case by case manner. I said something that she read into and preemptively told me she wasnt looking for a relationship. Back then i was just tryna hit and ironically i knew she was going to do that. Like she had broken up with her bf at the time so it was easy to figure out she didnt want a relationship. I was trying to have her as a slam piece for a while, but iono just from hanging out and stuff i just genuinely like her. She's a great girl but i dont really find myself thinking in that one itis head space. Yea, i def have been trying to lay it down. Anyway, you mind sharing anything from the questions i presented?
Wed, 08/01/2012 - 09:12
#3
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
Understand you're dealing with a foreigner. Your old "don't want to rock the boat" type game doesn't apply here. She's been fucked before, and she's been fucked hard. She likes D. Dating a girl without boning her doesn't make sense to her. I don't know if this is some kind of madonna/whore complex you got going on but it's not real life. She's not "special", but by golly she'll act that way if you treat her that way.
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Wed, 08/01/2012 - 10:37
#4
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
You haven't fucked her, she can't be your girlfriend. End of story.
If you try to "solidify" it into some relationship with a label before she's fucking you and feeling strong emotions for you, she'll likely run away. Trying to do that is the very definition of needy.
"would you pursue a girl with the intent of getting into a relationship"
Fuck no. Even if you're looking for something long term, take it one day at a time.
Totally ignore the label "girlfriend". Her being your "girlfriend" buys you nothing.
Projecting your own internal desires onto this bish will fuck it up. She'll respond much better if you're present to the actual emotional connection between you two, rather than your ego's idealization of your relationship.
Committing super easily is not attractive to girls. The more she has to "win" you, the more of a prize you are and the more she'll value you. If you just give yourself over without her even giving you sex, that shows don't believe you have any value she has to win over. She won't value you either.
This article goes more in depth on feeling the emotions and connection with her, and skipping the labels. Please read this:
http://badgerhut.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/decoupling-intimacy-and-commit...
If you try to "solidify" it into some relationship with a label before she's fucking you and feeling strong emotions for you, she'll likely run away. Trying to do that is the very definition of needy.
"would you pursue a girl with the intent of getting into a relationship"
Fuck no. Even if you're looking for something long term, take it one day at a time.
Totally ignore the label "girlfriend". Her being your "girlfriend" buys you nothing.
Projecting your own internal desires onto this bish will fuck it up. She'll respond much better if you're present to the actual emotional connection between you two, rather than your ego's idealization of your relationship.
Committing super easily is not attractive to girls. The more she has to "win" you, the more of a prize you are and the more she'll value you. If you just give yourself over without her even giving you sex, that shows don't believe you have any value she has to win over. She won't value you either.
This article goes more in depth on feeling the emotions and connection with her, and skipping the labels. Please read this:
http://badgerhut.wordpress.com/2012/07/30/decoupling-intimacy-and-commit...
Wed, 08/01/2012 - 10:46
#5
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
This article is mostly unrelated, but I'm looking to cultivate a frame like this one in myself for future longer term relationships. A lil bit of inspiration. :)
http://xsplat.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/the-boxers-speedbag-and-the-mascu...
http://xsplat.wordpress.com/2012/07/31/the-boxers-speedbag-and-the-mascu...
Wed, 08/01/2012 - 20:26
#6
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
@Aequitas: Coincidentally I was hanging with a different girl last night - to which i think shes keen. But chilling with her made me realize i was looking too far ahead with the other girl simply because i thought she was a cool chick and wasnt a slut. Circumstances and my neediness came together that, in my opinion, intensified the feelings i have for her. Thats not to take anything away from her, but up until about a week ago gfs were just taboo. I also agree that there definitely was a madonna whore complex going on. I know she wants dick, just like every girl. I tried slaying with no hesitation. Only got a fingerbang and a hand job - she said she wasnt comfortable going any further. Where
I think things began to go south is hanging out with her on my bday - it resembled relationships and put pressure on her, which imo is where she reacted and adjusted her actions accordingly. I had a feeling that was going to be the case too so i was hesitant to hang with her originally. Both of you nailed it on the head and i was suspicious of this as of last night. Lumpy that is a GREAT article and i HIGHLY recommend people on this forum read it. Essentially shes denied me of sex because she said she isnt comfortable with me - she doesnt know me like that. She also told me to get tested, which i ended up doing the next day since i needed to anyway. ( Ive never been tested and she doesnt know ive been tested. I get results this friday )) Manwhore her and I had a conversation after on how she liked my persistence for sex but thought i was TOO persistent - like her objections would go in one ear and out the other. Like she genuinely said it upset her that i didnt listen. Usually when a girl says no ill just be on autopilot saying " its chill ..... Ok all good. " , backing off a bit, then slowly working her up a bit. Rinse wash repeat until i get the lay or until i get a firm no. I figured i needed to back off and stuff but lol she would not even kiss me the next time her and i hung out. I have so much more id like to say but im at work
I think things began to go south is hanging out with her on my bday - it resembled relationships and put pressure on her, which imo is where she reacted and adjusted her actions accordingly. I had a feeling that was going to be the case too so i was hesitant to hang with her originally. Both of you nailed it on the head and i was suspicious of this as of last night. Lumpy that is a GREAT article and i HIGHLY recommend people on this forum read it. Essentially shes denied me of sex because she said she isnt comfortable with me - she doesnt know me like that. She also told me to get tested, which i ended up doing the next day since i needed to anyway. ( Ive never been tested and she doesnt know ive been tested. I get results this friday )) Manwhore her and I had a conversation after on how she liked my persistence for sex but thought i was TOO persistent - like her objections would go in one ear and out the other. Like she genuinely said it upset her that i didnt listen. Usually when a girl says no ill just be on autopilot saying " its chill ..... Ok all good. " , backing off a bit, then slowly working her up a bit. Rinse wash repeat until i get the lay or until i get a firm no. I figured i needed to back off and stuff but lol she would not even kiss me the next time her and i hung out. I have so much more id like to say but im at work
Wed, 08/01/2012 - 23:25
#7
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
When a girl gives objections like that and the "Ok that's chill" doesn't work I use other things, such as.. you're stupid. I bet it's because you smell. Aren't you a grown up. Did you father molest you. Were you really close with your uncle. Like.. really close.
You're out of college mang. Time to step up yo game son!
You're out of college mang. Time to step up yo game son!
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Thu, 08/02/2012 - 02:59
#8
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
@Manwhore:
Sick advice.
And Lumpy those articles are kickass. The first one resonates completely with my experience in high school and middle school. I'd try to get acceptance from females on an emotional wavelength, which is what I was raised to believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, society and family members KEPT insisting that that was the way. For a long time growing up I thought "assholes" that were successful with girls were somehow flukes, that there was a way to be "nice" (how my mom raised me) and still win a girl's heart. Eventually in h.s. I started to copy my "dick" friends because I'd been burned so many times being nice, but it was miscalibrated and I was too "aloof" as that article points out.
I dont know how many other guys can relate to this, but it feels like that article was written about me.
The girls in high school grew to hate me because I would reflect their emotions back at them, which is what I thought they wanted.
Now I refer to those emotions as "needy" and ya I dont care about them as much as fucking b/c as the article points out you cant even get those without fucking first...
Girls want "rapegame." They want manwhores.
Sick advice.
And Lumpy those articles are kickass. The first one resonates completely with my experience in high school and middle school. I'd try to get acceptance from females on an emotional wavelength, which is what I was raised to believe, despite all the evidence to the contrary, society and family members KEPT insisting that that was the way. For a long time growing up I thought "assholes" that were successful with girls were somehow flukes, that there was a way to be "nice" (how my mom raised me) and still win a girl's heart. Eventually in h.s. I started to copy my "dick" friends because I'd been burned so many times being nice, but it was miscalibrated and I was too "aloof" as that article points out.
I dont know how many other guys can relate to this, but it feels like that article was written about me.
The girls in high school grew to hate me because I would reflect their emotions back at them, which is what I thought they wanted.
Now I refer to those emotions as "needy" and ya I dont care about them as much as fucking b/c as the article points out you cant even get those without fucking first...
Girls want "rapegame." They want manwhores.
Fri, 08/10/2012 - 19:09
#9
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
Yep, pretty much donked it with this chick. I acted like a puss and she read it. Strayed away from what i do and paid the price. Not to mention i did some fucking weird shit that im surprised i even did. Freaked this chick the fuck out.
Fri, 08/10/2012 - 19:26
#10
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
Did you put honey on your balls and sit on her ant farm and break it with your ass.
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Sat, 08/11/2012 - 22:03
#11
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
@Manwhore: might as well have. That wouldve produced better results than the rookie fag move i pulled.
Imma post what i did to embarass myself and solidfy i wont do dumb shit like that again. Partied together, left party and went back to hook up at her apt. An hr later her roommate and my friends come in. They drunkenly steal a picture of her. I let her know the next day and just suggest i could bring it back cuz i really dont care for it. " no you can keep it. Someone to remember me by ;) ". I was just whatever about it. Fast forward a month of texting and not boning and me being needy and im unpacking my shit at my new place and see the pic and decide i should set it up on my desk cuz i could probs swing it as a galf. Weird as fuck. We went to the movies, came back and were in my room. Point the picture out and instantly see the vibe go to shit. Lol. Freaked her the fuck out. Facepalm. She had been slowly easing away as i was getting more invested tho. Like not wanting to kiss and shit as much. Went from super sexual to conflicted and datey. I knew the right plays and still totally donked it. led ro her saying sorry i cant do this. Still tried making out with her. Hooray for acting like a fag.
Imma post what i did to embarass myself and solidfy i wont do dumb shit like that again. Partied together, left party and went back to hook up at her apt. An hr later her roommate and my friends come in. They drunkenly steal a picture of her. I let her know the next day and just suggest i could bring it back cuz i really dont care for it. " no you can keep it. Someone to remember me by ;) ". I was just whatever about it. Fast forward a month of texting and not boning and me being needy and im unpacking my shit at my new place and see the pic and decide i should set it up on my desk cuz i could probs swing it as a galf. Weird as fuck. We went to the movies, came back and were in my room. Point the picture out and instantly see the vibe go to shit. Lol. Freaked her the fuck out. Facepalm. She had been slowly easing away as i was getting more invested tho. Like not wanting to kiss and shit as much. Went from super sexual to conflicted and datey. I knew the right plays and still totally donked it. led ro her saying sorry i cant do this. Still tried making out with her. Hooray for acting like a fag.
Sun, 08/12/2012 - 00:47
#12
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
You need to get your emotional control and projection in order. I've been in MUCH worse situations and still had it turn into screaming.. sex
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Sun, 08/12/2012 - 03:40
#13
Re: Questions related to getting a gf
@Manwhore: Solid. Yeah, i was projecting pussy shit. Currently gonna hang out with other girls to keep my mind busy. Even some questionables. Yeah, i think i can come back from this but it def set me back big time. More of a long term fuck thats put on the back burner. My question is do i even address the picture and what im looking for? I know what she wants, which is to be single. The route ive taken has been to back off as shes gone cold via text and just let things sortve reset themselves and pick it up from there.