NEED SOME HELP with this Redhead situation
I was out tonight with one of my really good bro's. We both do music and we were going to check out an open mic night. Before we leave he says, "Oh hey dude. I forgot to tell you. You're gonna flip a shit about this." And he tells me about this redhead that he met that we were going to meet up with and see her perform some of her songs.
He was really not into her for some reason which kinda confused the heck out of me because they have a ton in common and she's sexy as hell. I was giving him some pointers to help him score, but he was just like EH. And he said I could go for it. HELL YEAH I'm going for it.
I fucken love redheads. This one's a solid 9.
The problem is, she seemed like she was more into my bro. Probably because she had spent a great deal more time with him. She started coming around toward me as the night progressed but I just didn't have enough time to solidify. Only an hour or so. She liked me. I suggested she could come over and we'd record some of her songs and got her number. But I'm not sure how to handle this situation correctly. She seemed more attracted to my friend, but he doesn't want her.
I don't have a lot of hope for this, but wanted to ask preemptively if anyone had some advice to give before I go ahead and text or call.
He does like her, this is just his way of "testing" her. She probably knows this on some level as well
I talked to him about it today.
He said, "I don't know what I want man. I'm just having fun so if you can pull it off that's awesome. I'm not going to strain a friendship over a girl either way."
Yup. You were right WhoreMan.
He's one of my best friends tho, so I think it's prolly better to stay away from that.
Yeah it's a bizarre situation. But in the end you're going to be the one making the call here. As soon as you back off, she'll start edging onto you.. decisions, decisions.
Devil's Threesome, obviously. Just make sure not to make eye contact with the other dude when either of you cum.
You mean... give er the 'ol poontisserie? lol.
I'd prolly be trying too hard not to make eye contact, start laughing and blast my load all over everybody.
Here are my texts with this chick if anyone's interested.
Me: Is it too early for casual text? ...maybe we should wait till we get to know each other better.
Her: Is this zach's friend?
Me: You didn't even save my number! durr.
Her: I was really tired haha. Consider it saved
Me: Rock on Python :)
Me: (20 mins ) Your phone is now 100% sexy with me in it! You put me in as "zach's friend" didn't you
Her: (1 min) Lol you are Supervillain Z's Friend in my phone
Me: (8 mins) Oh well. Guess I shouldn't feel bad about that since I put you in as Z's Redheaded Spagetti Monster
(no reply) At this point I've decided she's way too into my buddy, so I'm going to try and "make it ok for her to go for him" as best I can.
Me: (2 hours later) Don't tell Z I mentioned anything... but he's a really fucken good guy. I can tell you like him. If I was a chick I'd totally rape him :))
Her: (27 mins) Haha what?
Me: (2 hours) ;) hell ur a fucken sexy chick! Just go for it. Don't be all sneaky and creepy about it lol
Her: (1 hour) Haha like peer into his windows late at night? I don't think I can stop
Her: I feel like you're telling me to just break in next time
Me: (1 hour) Haha! Naw buy him some flowers and chocolates. He likes that shit
Her: (1 min) I'll buy him flowers and chocolates and serenade him with an owl city song
Me: (1 min) BAHAHA!
Me: Seriously tho. I dunno if he's told you but he's still in the V-club
Her: (1 min) Isn't he planning on staying there till he's married
Me: (3 mins) Yeah so that's kinda the criteria he goes by. Does he want to marry this girl or no?
Her: (4mins) Is Miley Cyrus a definite no for him?
Me: (2 mins) If I say yes are you going to practice twerking?
Her: (5 mins) Miley Cyrus is like a mother to me
Me: (22 mins) Me too... I have a very messed up sexuality now. I treat women like twerk machines
Me: When you wanna record yer songs? I can do Sunday
Her: (31 mins) I might be super busy thi weekend, maybe the next one?
Me: Cool. My schedule is rly random but I should have next sunday free...
What's your intent here?
Just chillin back. My friend is the variable here, so I figured I'd give her a little push his way. Way I see it is, in the worst scenario I end up with a hot friend to go out with.
This is just strange what you just did.
yeah superv, it seems like your intent was 70% "be the good friend and make it clear you're not chasing her anymore" and 30% "I'm using this as a technique in which to make me seem less interested and therefore more attractive".
If I'm way off it's only because that's how my texts look when I'm doing the exact same thing.
It's all about clarity of intent, either you're interested in her or you're 100% going to let your friend go for her - anywhere in between sends weird signals.
Haha SuperV.. everyone seeing what you're doing.. LOL. We have here what we in the industry like to call an "Advanced" forum. Ha!
HA! Darkrain's got it pretty much right. I really like this chick but don't want to be a shitty friend to get it. So I'm ending up acting all weird trying to pull off some sort of disjointed masterplan.
Sad times for supervillain LOL.
Just be chill mang. Be a good friend. Ultimately more important than a chick. But if the opportunity legit comes up, and your homie is over it by all means capitalize. ( Possible )
Well here's some more to the story...
Her: What are you guys up to tonight?
Me: Watching walking dead season 3. Maybe some hookah.
Me: I'm super lazy but you're welcome to come over. I have roast in the crock pot.
Her: what are you up to? :)
Me: Was planning on meeting up w/ zach tonight. Haven't heard back yet. What r YOU up to?
Her: Me neither
Her: Why did you tell me to go for him? He's clearly not interested
[At this point I'm pretty sick of this whole situation. So I'm just going to be truthful and say what went through my head.]
Me: (Next day) I hit you up cuz I was attracted to you and thought u were cool. But then u were like, "Is this z's friend? You're SuperV Z's Friend in my phone now." So I was like kewl she's really into z. Might as well be friendly and help her get what she wants. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.
Her: It's okay. Ill recover. I'm just glad there are no hard feelings.
Me: None at all on this end. It's my fuck up.
Her: None here either. Yay :)
Me: What did he say to you?
Her: What? Nothing
I mean.. you're just being a bitch, dude. It's already been made very clear everyone can see what you're trying to do here.
Jeez WhoreMan, you've been pretty harsh with your comments last day or so.
I think you're saying that under the assumption that I'm extremely scarce minded and there's no way I would encourage her to go for my friend, or apologize for making a mistake, unless I was manipulating her down a path.
I felt super shitty all day today after she sent that text. Cuz it meant that I was wrong and she thought that I was manipulating her. That's why it took so long. I was thinking about how to respond to her anger without accusing her of doing shit. (like texting "what r u doing?" to see if my friend is with me).
I was thinking about Tolle, saying "Only unconscious people manipulate but only an unconscious person can be manipulated." It felt right to just say "I hit you up cuz I was attracted to you but you were obviously into my friend. I like you both so I'll try to help you out. I'm sorry I hurt you."
I respect the hell outa you man. Call me a bitch. Call me a pussy ass manipulator. I know what was in my heart. I was doing my best to optimize everyone's desires, including my own, to the best of my ability.
You have to choose, man. In this case, and it is very clear, you can not do both.
My 5+ year friendship is infinitely more valuable to me than pleasuring my cock for a while lol. Keeping that stable is my main priority here.
I don't think I detected any anger from her, I thought she was pretty chill
The texts got kind of chodey. I'm not saying that because you apologized. I'm talking about the entire conversation. If you knew she wanted your friend why would you keep inviting her over or double texting if you know she just wants to see him. It's just weird.
I asked for help before I went into this and didn't really get anything substantial. SO I had to make this shit up as I went.
I've been trying to rationalize why I did what I did, cuz it pretty much just exists as a feeling. I didn't rationally think about it. There is no "game" here. There is no technique. I did things based on feel.
That's why I'm a bit confused when MW says "We know what you're doing!" REALLY? (nervous laugh) ...I dont.
The reason this seems weird to you all, is you're operating under the assumption that I HAVE to get this girl. And you think I have that mindset. Therefore, having two opposing motivations...
1)encouraging her to act on her feelings and go for my friend
2)wanting to bone her myself
makes absolutely no sense. If I do #1, I MUST be doing it as a means to #2.
But If you take the "have to have her" mindset out of it. It's perfectly ok to let her know you want to bone her and at the same time tell her it's ok to go for your friend (and mean it)
At the same time that she may be into him, and I encouraged her to go for it, I can still be open about the fact I'm attracted to her. I've told her on at least three occasions I think she's sexy.
I even told her I thought she was fucken sexy in the same text I was telling her to go for my friend!
So I'll be open about my own feelings and invite her over if I want. If she wants to come over to my place and get her brains FUCKED OUT, she can do what she wants. If anything, I should've been way more open about it.
Now that I'm on a ramble, I'll say that this ties in with being present too. Just observing that she felt that way, and not resisting it. By resisting I mean: ignoring it, convincing her otherwise, getting angry at her, etc.
If anyone can shoot holes in my rationalization here, be my guest.
I think MWs point might have been that YOU take responsibility for what happens either way. If you're just "chillin back" and letting her decide you're not displaying the alpha qualities that we strive to embody.
Btw. I think "I liked her and I just went for it" is a better conversation to have with your buddy than "she chose me". Which would you respect more?
If you're just "chillin back" and letting her decide you're not displaying the alpha qualities that we strive to embody.
^^Here I disagree. Anything else I could have done would have been controlling not leading. For example, trying to convince her she didn't like him, or trying to compete with him, or ignoring it and plowing forward regardless. THATS unempathetic, kinda needy, and not alpha.
Anything else I could have done would have been controlling not leading.
What about just doing-what-we-do? Ask her out directly, vibe, lead, escalate. It's not needy, controlling or unempathetic, its just going for what you want. If you decide to pass and just be friends that's totally fine but telling her you want her then telling her she should go after your friend is bullshit.
Again, you're still thinking either/or, "have to get the girl."
Ask her out directly, vibe, lead, escalate. It's not needy, controlling or unempathetic. <--I get that. Not what I'm saying. You can still do that and at the same time, tell her to act on her feelings, even if that's not what you want. They're not mutually exclusive unless you're acting with pure selfish intent. Get my meaning?
I'm not trying to be a butthead here, I promise. But I talked to my friend yesterday and found out what really happened. What I did was, in a strange way, the right thing to do in that situation. It cut out a ton of bullshit for everyone involved. Pure blind luck, maybe. I wouldn't NORMALLY do that kind of thing.
I'm not trying to be a butthead either Soup, and I'm not assuming you "have to have her" either. I'm assuming you want her. IMO If you're making statements about what you want and not going for it then you're communicating to her and more importantly to yourself that you're not a guy who goes for what he wants.
What went down btw?
MW and I were correct that my friend was into her.
He said he was down and gave her multiple opportunities to make it happen but she acted really lame and awkward. He invited her out on saturday. Then she tried to do some jealousy thing on him... She told him she was with some other dude. He was kinda drunk at the bar at that point and let it go.
But three minutes later she texted me saying "hey, what are you doing?", "I haven't heard from him either," (not true) "Why did you tell me to go for him? He's clearly not interested..." (not true either)
I was totally oblivious to what had just happened, and thought he blew her off hard and she was pissed at me for causing her to do that.
I'm probably missing a lot of info here but my impression is that this girl is looking for one of you guys to show some clear intent and just go after her. Your buddy is apparently not being direct/ taking action, you as the buddy, have been chillin back out of respect for your friend. She's probably thinking "wtf is going on here, I'm hot, these are cool guys.. Somebody do something!"
I might be assuming a lot, she might also be crazy lol.
Dude I don't think there is anything you can do to potentially get your buddy laid anyways. Like you said he was lame and ackward, if you don't want this girl. DONT TEXT HER.
Judging from your texts your a really fun guy, your gonna appear attractive to her wether your telling her you want to fuck her or to go for your friend. Its not really your bussiness or situation unless you want it to be.
@Meow. SHE was acting lame and awkward. Not him. Thank you though. I appreciate that.
@AJ. You're not assuming anything incorrectly. That's how it is lol.
My friend's a natural. He doesn't know why he does anything. But most of the time he does it right. We were respectfully cock-blocking the shit out of each other... And she's a crazy redhead.
I'm challenging you a bit in this thread because you seem to be circling an issue that I have become aware of and have been working on myself. You seem to have this notion in your head that you're looking out for the girls best interest and if that means being with your buddy then your place is to get out of the way.. Another mindset to be in, and one I'm working to cultivate, is to believe that you are the coolest motherfucker on the planet and therefore the best option for any girl. With that in mind, its not selfish to pursue her, you're doing her a favor and helping her see the light. Just food for thought.
You're right! I totally forgot the "delusional sense of coolness!" That was so long ago I somehow let it slip.
Thanks for reminding me! That's exactly what I need to hear. Yo the 2nd coolest motherfucker on the planet AJ! HAHA! Thanks dude!
This whole thread is gay and smells of lots of pua mental masturbation.. You're like trying to convince us when we more or less know what you're really trying to pull. Lol cmon mang. There really was no point in telling her you were down besides secretly hoping that card would somehow play. She is ten steps ahead of you and already knew you were interested. Next this chick and go find some other girls.
SuperVillain, that was superVAGINAL. Are you trying to learn to be a real man, or are you trying to learn mystery method. Cmon.
Did you FEEL manly doing that?
This situation was so stupid simple. In the future if a friend is unsure say, "you aren't clearly going for her. I am." Unapologetic man. She would've figured it out on her own soon enough.
If he really DID want this girl and you said that, it would get HIS ass in gear, start some friendly competition, making you both better men in the end.
Why in gods name didn't anyone say that in the beginning?! Jesus. You all went through this shit show and commentary lol?
It has been a long walk around the block lol! Hopefully we got somewhere. (facepalm)