Going From Unfocused Chode To Ruthless Player

Friday 02/08/13
Meet up with Buddahgames, JMULV, and Todd on a snowy night out.

Say what's up to them and all I can think of is how fuckin cold I am.

Roll up to some random girl's table and sit down in an entitled manner w/o really opening. End up vibing out w/her for 30 mins. Get her #, some puppy love type shit as she's with co-workers so nothing too intimate. Win them all over and even have one of her friends slip me her number behind her back. Don't know what it is but these days - shit kinda blows wide open for me. It must be that I'm really on my purpose, or it also must mean that I'm internally validated or it must be that I'm way less attached to outcome these days. It's like I really want shit to pop off in my life so chicks are no longer the core focus so it's like whatever. Also my mindset has shifted. What was unattainable is now attainable.

I probably should have been more gangster with this girl and dragged her around the venue and then went for a bathroom pull given logistics were fucked up. I've noticed a recent tendency for me to want to play it to safe even when I pull or something. This is where persistence will come into play and that's something I have to make a core focus - especially at night. My product is the BEST and no one else that I know can offer what I can offer.

Some cool shit going on for me right thurr. Can't complain :)

Meet up with Buddah, JMULV, and Todd at another venue. Shit's going good and then Buddah's drunk ass gets kicked out probably for something uncalibrated. We all decide to leave and hit up a shittier venue. Wing Todd in a 2 set. Todd is super smooth, full of belief and persistent. Didn't really pay too much attention to him but all he has over me is that he is full of belief and is persistent.

What I learned from JMULV is that he hits on bartenders, something I've never done and need to start doing more often. Why not? He asked me to hit on a bartender as he already hit on another cocktail waitress so that we could pull them both but

Todd and JMULV are super solid. Pretty much they've got the mindset down pat. It's a pure "how are we gonna fuck this chick TONIGHT" sort of mentality. I have a bit of the mentality but with them it's crystal fuckin clear.

We hit up another high-end spot and I know we're getting rejected as it's 4 dudes. Whatever. We end up doing so then we decide to go elsewhere. I run into 2 girls on the street. Hook them for a bit so that I can get the rest of the boys. Eventually they hear me shouting their name and I throw the chicks onto Todd and JMULV while I run into a group I opened at the shittier venue. We all manage to get in.

Not much going on here. Todd and JMULV end up pulling the chicks that I opened on the street and I head back to the first venue for some opportunist seconds. Venue closes kind of early and I take the subway home.

All I wished is that I had more belief tonight.

I vowed to change things come Saturday.


Saturday 02/09/13

Wake up around 2pm. Some Iraqi chick that I fucked during my 8 girls in 8 nights pulling spree hit me up to chill at like 3. I'm like damn I got to work to do but I've also been so busy and poor at rotation management/text game that I haven't had sex in 2 months…She comes over and damn this girl is cute, I forgot! Proceed to bang her for 3 hours. I pass out and wake up at like 10 or 11. It takes me an hour to move my car outside the frozen snow. Finally do so - it's 1am. Get something to eat, head out solo to my local neighborhood bar.

Proceed to feel like Hank Moody, chicks are calling me punkin, random girls are approaching me - I'm like wtf…this is awesome. Start flirting with this cute little hipster chick and then my roomie texts and calls me saying that the firefighters just left my place because my radiator was leaking. WTF. I grab my coat and sprint 2 blocks to my place and the caretaker of my building (she lives right under me) is pissed at me because she said her mattress was wet and electricity in her room were out. My roomie is bitching and I'm laughing because all my brain can think of is how funny it would be if I could pull even after this.

Head back to the bar. Burn the bar down. One set I'm too reaction-seeking, trying to force the fuckin ball in the basket type of set. Some chick with glasses is trying to take me home. She's not bad looking but I have to check to see if she's fat (she had her coat on). I put my arms around her and she fails the litmus test. I felt 2 rolls. Looking back I probably should have fucked her and then come back for seconds. Idk.

Bar is starting to die down, go to another bar down the street. Get in here and start pimping. Randomly wall slam this black girl outside of the bar after cave manning her after I tell her I'd take her straight to the Cloud. If i had pulled this off it would have been like a 2 minute pull. She tells me she's waiting for someone else. Bring her back into the bar, grab my drink and start talking this Asian girl and Asian dude. I'm also being really loud, which ends up opening another set adjacent to the Asians.

It's a group of 3 girls and my bartender friend tells me that they're down. I'm like cool. Grab one of them, run some calibrated push-pull on her, and start waltzing with her in the middle of the bar. It's hilarious because this is such a punk rock bar so everyone was watching us but it was fuckin hilarious. I seed the pull to my place and there's no objection. I figure I ride this one out until the end of the night and then just leave w/her (afterparty). Only one problem. There's a creepy man who's been buying her and her friends shots all nights and think he's gonna get laid. Bar is closing down, and black girl from before runs up to me and gives me her business card but I sort of dismiss her.

Then the Asian hipster girl from before starts talking to me about Oakland and how I should use my British accent to get laid - which I objected to because I said it was cheating.. I was so up my own ass at the moment that I FAILED to diagnose the situation properly. She wanted me to take her home even though I didn't hit on her! Problem was I was so focused on the girl from the 3 set that I was waltzing with earlier that I didn't recognize that she wanted me to take her home. Given that both of these girls were both 7s, I should have just went with the Asian girl. I think she could tell I wasn't fully engaged as she was like "Ok mann catch you later - I'm going home".

Girl from the 3 set leaves the bar abruptly with her friends and I try to catch up with her but creepy man is also following them home. Doesn't pan out as creepy man is all weird and shit. End up going home with dry dick.

Lessons Learned:

Be flexible and more aware of the overall situation. I wasn't expecting the Asian girl to be so down and at the moment I think my reality didn't process that. But at 3:55 - you got to be hyper focused and aware of what the logistics are.

COMMAND THE SET and BLOW OUT the creep. So say even if I committed to the girl in the 3 set. I should have FOUGHT for it instead of this passive bullshit that I was on. I should have really led the charge and figured out and cemented pull logistics. I should have #closed that girl anyways. Major regret of mine.

Wins:

Be Hank Moody - everybody wants my cock.. It was awesome to get approached 5 to 6 times tonight. That Iraqi chick's pussy is awesome. It's funny how the universe works. Even some random girl from Mexico I banged during the pulling spree emailed me tonight. Thought that was weird how that was the case.

Still have no clue why I got kicked out... I have a tough time believing it's cause I did something uncalibrated= I think it had more to do with the fact that I was dancing with aziz ansari's girl upstairs... I mean at this point, I know when I do something uncalibrated and I'd be the first to admit it but honestly- I just wasn't even escalating that hard on chicks, I even remember making a mental note to myself that I had to start escalating more

But yeah= drunk garrett can get sloppy- gotta lock that shit up. Appreciate you calling me out for it.

Thursday 02/14/2013

Went out with my buddy Adi on his bday although I was incredibly sleep deprived. Part of me wanted to stay home and sleep but I went out and pimped it regardless.

Pick him up we head over to some downtown hotspot. It's kinda meh but immediately I start dancing and clowning around. I hop onto some table and start dancing with these girls having the time of my life. Very high energy. They seem extra desperate and I immediately Make out with one of the girls and drag over to the bar where I immediately shift gears to low-energy.

I honestly should have bathroom pulled this chick. Especially on a night like Valentines. She initiated a lot of the escalation and was tipsy and horny. Guess you could attribute this to lack of belief.
Run around the venue and do a lot of stupid ass self-amusing bullshit. Lots of picking girls up in the air and banging them on my dick. Should probably start doing dead lifts to be honest.

Roll around to more venues but nothing of substance arises.

Friday 02/15/2013

Meet up with Adi and we bounce over to another venue. I hate the beginning of the night. Like I never want to talk chicks and vibe my whole game is geared towards the 3-4am pull.

I'll start getting out by 12am as an experiment - although I always think to myself that I'd rather peak later because I'd get massively hungry by 3:30.

Run into this 19 yo chick, grab her # and start texting her throughout the night.

Bounce around and steadily build momentum.

End up running into this hot little French girl. God I loved her. Just talk a bunch of shit, end up making out w/her. I push her away and call her disgusting. She feigns anger and I flinch wanting her to re-validate me. Although we continue to make out if I didn't flinch it would have been absolute fireworks. I bounce her around and introduce her to random chicks.

Eventually Turok comes to wing. The friend is not down. The friend also pulls my girl away. I should have worked for my girl to vouch for me.

It takes awhile for Turok to get his coat and I entertain the two girls and talk shit. We head over to another club and on the way there I'm vibing w/my girl and pushing her into walls as punishment for taking a Percocet before we met. Outside the Other club which was a couple of blocks away we're not getting in and Turok kind of wants to leave and I'm really indifferent to pulling these birds but I tell him to stick it out. My girl is like we just live 10 blocks away - they lived more like 15 but that was a win for buyer/seller. Ha it was like they were pulling us!

We finally get to there dorm and we can't get in. I'm like ok I need to pee. we get walked to another building just for me to use the bathroom.

long story short i wish i closed this bitch in like an alleyway they sould have been down. This bitch put her full name in my phone and since then has devoted several tweets to me. Very cool perspective - we really are

time to review how to be a rapist.

All in all tonight, was a very good night. I've really reached another level of indifference. For me to switch girls and not really give one iota of whether I got the girl tonight would have never happened a year ago or even 6 months ago. While Turok and I agreed that playing it safe with 19-22 year olds is retarded because mostly all they know how to do is hook up and not day 2 (could be a limiting belief - but I think of my little sister and friends and I don't see them as the type that know how to Day 2)

Saturday 02/16/2013

head out to adi's party in LES around 12 which is super fuckin early for me.

Get in with buddah and get Turok and a couple of adi's friends in.

I open a couple of girls but its half ass as shit. I'm more interested in just talking to Adi's friends. Eventually me Turok and Buddah head over to a warehouse party in Brooklyn. Get in and we're all like WTF but I know it's all the same bullshit at the same day. Start hitting it up and run into a chunky and start making out with her. she was cute. grab a water w/her and # close.

Hit up some more chicks but we decided it'd be smarter to head back into Manhattan. Get to the other venue - I don't really find my feet and don't really do much of substance. A couple of # closes here but I'm uninspired if ya get what I mean.

Adi, me, and Adi's drunk ass friend roll over to the warehouse party at like 4:30 which is beyond obnoxious and I'm very indifferent to getting laid at this point I'd rather just get something to eat and sleep. Whatever get in, I'm trained like a dog to approach so I do. Adi hits up this one girl, I wing him like 3 minutes later and i'm just honest. We start kissing back and forth but my girl is pretty blunt w/me. I just feel like dancing "don't feel like making out". I'm indifferent and just fuckin hungry at this point so I just stay in. I just wing the shit out of Adi so that he can eventually pull (which he does) and I tell my girl to stop cockblocking and help her friend get laid. They have shitty logistics but they manage to overcome. I end up giving my girl a ride home and she mentions we should hang out and we exchange #s. Some light texting back and forth but my text game is getting a fuckin rehaul at the moment so fingers crossed w/this one.

Looking forward to going out next week and hitting it up hard - this week was lacking belief.

Friday 02/22/2013

Tonight was such an "emotional roller coaster" but nights like this are why I just love this game but there's still room for improvement.. But God I just love that range of negative and positive emotions you experience, it's like playing a game, where you're ahead, then you're behind, then ahead. This game is fuckin fun.

I wasn't even going to go out. I'm currently doing a 30 day challenge of 3 hours of coding every day after work and I'm on my 3rd day. I took a 2 hour nap after I got home from work and then had to do a bunch of shit at home and I wasn't going to go out but then a part of me is like "Yo, learn how to fuckin balance". So I bang out 2 hours and some change of work and decide to head out around 1.

I get to the venue at like 1:45, my buddy Adi hits me up that my current crush - some cute hard working, intelligent black girl I know from school is at the venue. I've overplayed future chode scenarios with this girl in my head and put her on a pedestal. I don't really like most chicks I meet, but I already like this girl and I barely know her very well. Very chode but a part of me is really dying to fall HARD for some girl and then get my heart broken. I must be a masochist or I just must want to be an icy pimp. I learn a lot from pain, A LOT so any sort of emotional pain I'm really down for.. Any sort of attachment to outcome I'm just really dying to get rid of.

I get in, and I'm looking for her and I see her but I'm all nervous and shit. Get blown out by 2 or 3 girls at first as I'm sort of anxious and high-strung. I end up talking to some random Spanish girl and flirting with her instead. 10-15 minutes later the girl I'm crushing on is nowhere to be found. I ask the security guards and they're like yea the group of black girls left. I just lay out on a couch for a good 15 to 20 minutes staring in space all dumbfounded and shit, basking in the negative emotions. While i was sitting down, I was thinking of Manwhore's Black Nimbus LR. I was just like "yup let the night come to you".

Eventually I realize I'm being ridiculous and hit it up. First I roll up to this Algerian French girl. Talk a bunch of shit, quickly isolate her so her friends can't see her and kiss her. Then bring her back to the her friends. The vibe is good tonight, my escalation is on fuckin point. I'm really indifferent and don't really want shit from any girl. I'm just chilling. It feels like true indifference from outcome. I'm getting really good at this indifference thing. I'm satisfied internally. I got my purpose to think about, more focused on that path of mastery. My head's straight. Bitches can't do shit for me. At first I was on this great quest to have bitches fulfill me but I'm fulfilled mann.

Roll around, there's some girl sitting down, hand of god, she hops right up and starts dancing w/me. Lift her in the air, start dancing and then I try to isolate. No go. Get her #. Talk some more, dance. Eventually I just start making out w/her in front of her friends. Drag her around the venue, get some water. Chill out on the couch. The energy of the set is starting to die so I drag her back to the dance floor. Pump up emotions. She says she has to leave. Fuck. Okie dokes. I bounce straight back to the Algerian French cutie and start dancing with her. The girl from before comes in and has this sort of look of "damn it, I should have gotten laid".

Start making out with French cutie. Lots of push pull. I was full entitled asshole tonight it was lovely. Drag her around. 20 minutes into the set she's dropping a million clues she wants to get laid. She's asking me where I live (I lie and tell her downtown when I live in Brooklyn) and she even tells me her friends live uptown and she lives downtown. Ding ding. I tell her that we're going to another bar down the street. She walks over to the friends to get her bag and her friends start judging her and shit. Fuckin bitches. Ok more time needed. Party it up some more. Grab some water, head back, and we leave the venue around 3:15 or so. Her friends are kinda being all gay and shit but I'm just patient.

Circumvent drama times, roll out to my car and at first we're like let's go to some other elite venue. I'm really wishy washy here instead of going AFTERPARTY. I should have been like AFTERPARTY. i should have been like AFTERPARTY. Wat the fuck Katalyst. wtf. I drop her home. I park a block away and walk her to her building in NoLita. I used the old "i have to pee" line and she says guests aren't allowed. I make her pinky swear that I'll be right down. I pee and afterwards start making out w/her. This girl wants and I want it but we don't get laid. FUCK. 100% my fault.

Lessons learned:


* I clearly need to review the fundamentals of pulling. I think this is the 5 or 6th consecutive pull that I haven't had sex with. Time to look at some Julien videos and hit up Manwhore. Starting to believe there's some mental block going on.
* AFTERPARTY is the only pull excuse you ever need. I should also come up with a good playlist for the ride back home. Just something that will pump up my emotions and her emotions as well.
* Increase certainly and belief. Funny how my problems in text game mirror my problems in-field. It's just that lack of belief. I'm like 90% there, but 90% won't do. It's all about 100% or die a slow faggy death.
* When they ask where you live, say nearby and cut the thread. I live like 25 mins drive away from clubbing district. Need to be more certain.
* I should have gotten laid, she was really cute!!!! O fuck.


The Positive:

-Overcoming range of emotions - I felt the most negative energy I've felt infield all year so far yet I still managed to compose myself and execute the program.
-I'm getting good. Like I actually believe it now. I always knew I had talent but tonight I was so relaxed and indifferent. It's great. Chicks are hitting me up. Pulling on the regular isn't a fluke. Tonight was proof. Just like relaxed fun times. No neediness. It was like I was beyond the zone - I was in straight play to win mode, it was beautiful.
-I didn't hit up the crush. Everything happens for a reason. The higher beings must want me to keep pimping.

haha I had my heart broken once *Tear*...

lmfao @ the fact that you WANT that shit lol- it's really neither here nor there... but you are on point with one thing- I learned a TON from the pain... it def. isn't close to being one of the more difficult situations I've faced in my life, probably not even top 5... but it was rough man... like reallly rough

The funny part is that I wasn't even really a "chode" at the time... like I was a fuckin PIMP haha, maybe more than I am now actually, cause it was college and I was getting laid like a fuckin god.

Anyway- the point here is that you shouldn't trip about wanting to feel those emotions- I totally dig that bro. But what's interesting is that you probably already do feel them somewhere- you're just a SUPER SUPER anxious dude and I get this feeling that even though you do accept yourself- and you have seriously become way more authentic and chlil since I first met you- but I get this vibe like you're on some level afraid of your emotions or you judge them like CRAZY

Actually- that part I know for a fact- you tend to judge your emotions a lot, which is cool but it just means that it's going to be more difficult to really feel and get into some of them.

For me, man, you gotta realize that since the time that I was like a sophomore in highschool I was doing some super intense internal improvement shit, mainly because a very small group of people in power thought I was fucked up (When in reality, yes, I had some internal wires screwy- but really, they just couldn't handle my shit... just imagine a fucking 13 year old Buddhagames haha) So first of all- I still got issues man- My shit still stinks like yours but that being said- I'm also pretty fucking spot on when it comes to my observations of people and their motivations and the way they treat themselves- mainly because I've been like HARDCORE working on that shit, in myself, for literally like 7 years now.

So I hear this shit from you and to me, it's like the most obvious shit in the world and I get what's going on- but at the same time, I TOTALLLY sympathize with how difficult it is to uncross these wires... because part of the issue is that it's like deactivating a bomb- you can't just go in and start cuttin shit up because if you go in guns blazing and get overwhelmed, the bombs just gonna blow up in your face. So it takes time to delicately go in and very very slowly but surely, start untangling those wires- and the bitch of the whole thing is that if you aren't vigilent... they will just get crossed again lol

Like I said- I'm not perfect but I've been doing internal shit for a long ass time and I actually was recently told by my old therapist (whose been my friend for 7 years now) that I no longer needed to see him- that obviously we could stay in touch, but at this point, he'd just be taking my money... I am going to use him as a life coach now but that's different than before.

Some dudes drop MAD money into pickup and pay thousands of dollars for bootcamps/hot seats etc.... well, for me, I've dropped TENS of THOUSANDS of dollars on amazing therapy with a buddhist therapist who basically did like 7 years of existential therapy with me.

So anyway- this is a lot about me but I think it's good for you to hear this shit- cause you always talk about how I got my shit on lock- but it's not like i was fuckin born this way homy... I worked for it- in fact, my therapist is writing a book about me called, "Break Down, Break Through" about my transformation- so you've been focusd on this shit for like a little while but dude you're just uncovering some of this shit- so let it come to the surface and just roll with it and observe it... you can judge it if you want but don't attach to or avoid any of these emotions- just let them come and go and be observant and recognize what's there....

The key is that as soon as something is conscious- it literally has ZERO power over you anymore. so simply observing shit is an AMAZING way to deal with it and accept it- even if it never goes away.

Like I'll always be a fucked up narcissist that doesn't care about other people becuase of crazy pain inside of myself... but the thing is that I'm an authentic narcissist and an awesome guy so who gives a fuck haha- it has no power over me... and that's the way it's going to be with you- this shit will eventually just not have power over you and you can joke about it and absord it all in a SUPER lighthearted way.

haha one of my buddies was actually told when he was younger that he was a "Sociopath" and he told me this shit... and maybe he is maybe he isn't- but I'm like, "yo- the guy has always helped me and is cool and fun to chill with... so wtvr- maybe I got a sociopath fora friend... how COOL is that haha!"

Hmm I don't know - I'm usually happy and I'm just not in touch w/my emotions as much as you are. I honestly don't know if this is a bad or good thing. I do judge my emotions though. When I'm not in a buoyant mood I can hear myself going "what the fuck, lighten up why do you feel this way". This emotional shit is very fuckin abstract to me.

I'm yearning to be more vulnerable, more subject to enduring emotional pain. Like my dad I am super closed off to this sort of stuff.

Pain really sets me straight and allows me to focus. I wish this wasn't the case but thats my #1 motivator. But yea when you or Manwhore tell me my emotional/belief are off i'm always like huh? And more importantly how do i fix it?

I really enjoyed last night's internal "drama". It made everything super fun for me.

Friday 03/01/2013

So I finally get a Day 2! Roll out sort of lazily and get there around 1 because she said her friends were DJing and to be honest i've been very indifferent to pimping of late.

The bar I head out to is not too far from my house and HOLY SHIT. Like hot hipsters galore. Just filled w/7s and 8s its actually quite obnoxious. The stunner to dude ratio is on point. It's in the middle of nowhere but I'm shocked at the hotties in the place.

Head downstairs, run into my girl by the DJ booth and damn she's fuckin cute, I sort of chuckle to myself that it's absurd that she's been pushing hard for a meetup. Yes new reality - I am awesome. I can tell she's slightly irritated that I show up late and am unapologetic about it. All her friends are dudes and I have to be sort of sneaky I figure so I bounce her to the bar upstairs and we do a shot and grab a beer. I'm sort of stifled at this moment - like I usually am in the beginning of the night/date. Just like nervous weird energy. We like talk about house music for 15 minutes over the loud ass music. It's actually pretty good but I came here to get my dick wet.

She keeps wanting to hang by the DJ booth for some reason and I'm not really about that so I bounce around and do my thing.

Head out, chat to the staff and they say yes this place usually is swarming with honeys. Yes I'm coming here more often.

Roll around and go fuck it - this bitch is way too glued to the DJ booth and her homies.

Roll up on this French cutie and start giving her a lot of shit. Great dynamic. Just give her a ton of shit about nothing. Just playfully give her shit throughout the night and moved her around the venue whenever I ran into her. Keep bouncing into her after running off to do my own thing for awhile. I start escalating on her and she starts giving me shit and kind of choking me in a playful manner and I choke her back. I think this is my next puzzle to figure out. If I waited this one out I probably would have pulled her to be honest but given it was 3 and she was warning me about not kissing her I don't think it was wrong.

There was this one dude going on about how "girls didn't want to dance w/brothers" and I tell him nonsense so I roll up on this girl and am very authentic with her as I dance. At first she dismisses me and so does her friend pretty harshly but I plow right through her shit and turn it back on her. It was turning into a vicious blow-out but I was able to turn it around and grab her #. +1 for belief. I was actually really glad I stuck it out - I'm petulant about being dismissed immediately about 30% of the time - would like to bring it down to 10%.

I isolate my girl from her DJ friends and bring her to the back. She seems to know everyone at the party - I guess she's the host or something like that. So I don't push it too hard with the escalation as I realize she's hesitant to be compliant while I'm doing so. She suggests we meet up later in the week and I figure ok she doesn't want to come across as a slut in front of everyone.

Hit up shitloads of hotties, but in general it's one of those nights where the belief was lacking. Despite not being ON, I befriended a cool natural dude who bought me a beer after he saw me isolate a girl who was sitting w/these 2 dudes who were sniffing coke. I ended up trying to push her buttons too much and ended up blowing myself out. Me and natural dude ended up burning everything down to the ground.

Lessons Learned:

-Got to work on the Day 2 game. Got to.

-If anything else when belief is lacking, just find one you like, be persistent and stick it out if anything. Re-read LR where you overcame 3-4

Saturday 03/02/2013

Love nights like these. Loveeeee nights like this. Fuck. Another emotional roller coaster.

I was once again feeling really out of it at the start of the night - really more like the whole day.

Wake up. Get on the subway and decide to hit up a bunch of chicks. Barely get acknowledged when I approach. I was being loud too! wahhh! Even one set I was trying my ass of to plow and the whole subway car was looking at me and listening to what I had to say. I ended up being stifled from all the social pressure. Social pressure is good for your game to be honest. I swear i get a massive anxiety attack from doing that shit. However it makes night game a lot easier for me.

Spent the whole day coding with a bunch of nerds and I hit up my BIG-TIME crush who happened to be there. I'm stifled but I'm like incongruently direct and I tell her I want to hang out w/her and at first she's like you're weird and aggressive. I'm like why? and she's like "you think you are the center of the universe, like the sun revolves around you". I'm also stifled as fuck while I'm vibing with her. I push for it a little harder and she's like "I don't date guys named Kobe". BANG BANG shot down. I still fuckin like her - just a really solid chick but afterwards I was massively butthurt for 10 minutes. AS89 was laughing at me like "yo you got your heart broken". I kinda laugh it off. This is the same chick I was heart broken because she left the venue last Friday when I pulled the french cutie. *sheds a tear*

I roll out very indifferent and uninspired. I almost get to meatpacking and then decide to do a u-turn and head over to my co-worker's karaoke bday party back in East Village. retarded. Show up to sausage fest which i expected but glad i showed face for 15 minutes. I ran into my co-worker's roommate. She was the first girl i pulled when I had my 8 night breakthrough last year. Sing a song

Roll out to the first venue and meet up with AS89. I'm not really ON here, I'm just being a massive incongruent dick and pushing buttons which is always fun but I'm not really in the zone or full of belief/congruent. We decide to head out to another venue in the 4th quarter AKA 3-4am. Get in start off with a couple of harsh blowouts. I'm kind of dancing monkey to be honest but I'm starting to believe it's coming across more as high-energy, fun guy idiot. I'm picking multiple girls up and bouncing them on my dick which is always fun and just being a fuckin idiot.

I run over to this one girl who's seated on the couch with her bear and I channel jivingbear.com style videos and start shoving my cock in her face while pumping her emotions. Eventually she gets up and starts dancing with me. A couple of minutes later, I pop a boner and start making out with her. It took me a while to get a boner.. Continue to make out with her.

There's this luscious blond chick that I grab off the couch and bounce her and her friend over to the dance floor. This chick is like a 8.5 and I'm slightly still lacking the belief to be normal. I initially re-approach her 3 times and she kinda dismisses me several times. I'm talking about her to AS89 and he's like re-approach one more time. I'm like damn a fifth time? Fuckkk. Go up to her, isolate her from her friends and drag her to the dance floor. Start to dance and she's like "dance for me" blah blah. I think I call her a lying whore about something and she scampers back to her friends. I actually ended up approaching her again as I introduce her to some random girl that I drag over to merge her with but her friends tell me to fuck off. Lol.

I'm still running around like a maniac and I run into this random thick girl. Give her a 6.5/7. I pick her up and start bouncing her on my dick. Very little is said. I go into kiss her and she gasps "I have a boyfriend". I 'm like oops.. I drag her over to another part of the venue and pick her up and bounce her once again. Twirl her around, do gay ass dancing monkey bs. It's so fuckin silly. I start to kiss her. She stops me and I'm like "is your boyfriend here?" She's like nope. I drag her around the corner into a little dark corner but there's a security guard nearby. She starts making out with me super passionately after I say "no one well see us". I drag her over to the dance floor, pull some of that good ol escalation shit Manwhore taught me. She's giggling. Ding ding ding. I grab her hand and drag her over to the bathroom. I say loudly we're going to coat check.

There's this weird fuckin guy in a suit outside the bathroom. It's kinda weird and I don't want to get kicked out so she hops into one stall, I hop into another one. I'm playing it off like she's sick and keep asking her if she's ok and she plays along and is asking me if i'm done. 30 seconds later i hop out and drag her back to the dance floor because the chode in the suit is weirding me and her out.

Drag her back to the dance floor. Whisk her around some more and a lightbulb in my brain pops. Ding ding. Try againnnn. Sneak past her best friend and walk past security and go back to the bathroom after faking like we're going to coat check. She hops into the stall first, then I join her. Slam her against the wall, start passionately making out. Whip out her titty. Start sucking on one of em. She keeps going "I can't. I can't. I have a boyfriend and we're about to get married". I just keep saying "yea i know i know - you'll never see me again - I'm moving to LA". Some fucker tries to open our door. it's unlocked. i lock it and clear my throat mad loud and start spitting. She's laughing and then we continue to make out. Whip out her titty again, whip my cock out and she starts to beat me off a bit. I'm sucking her tit and trying to finger bang. Fuck no go. She keeps objecting and bringing up her boyfriend. I'm like damn. Ok LMR in the bathroom. She starts to leave and I grab her and bend her over and whisper in her ear. She's got her hand on the door handle but she's into it. Ahh no bang tho.

I leave the bathroom 5 minutes after she leaves. It's like 4:15 at this moment. Fuck bathroom overtime pull. fuckkkkkk i wanted the sex. god.

Head outside, run into luscious blond. Tell her i am being authentic now. Walk with her for a couple of blocks and grab her #. Keep walking, run into these 2 cuties from Spain and open them screaming OBNOXIOUS. They're english sucks but i start speaking my broken spanish to them. They're looking for another club. Walk them 5 blocks to another club. It's closed of course but I'm just fuckin around at this point for reference experience purposes and kinda hoping AS89 calls me back. We get to the club we don't get in. I should have had a game plan and gone for the 3some. Will make this sink in my brain and add what i should have done tomorrow morning.

End the night berating some hottie for eating carbs after dark.

I love this game. Gonna limit time this month to learn text game from the bottom up and hone in the coding skills but god damn tonight was beyond awesome.

Lessons Learned

-Be a closer to the bone. I'm ecstatic that I went for the bathroom pull twice.

Back in this bitch

Ahh shit I'm writing again which is good. I'll stop writing FRs if the general tone of them is too braggy, I write FRs to improve. I'm fuckin awesome and I definitely believe it 95% of the time, but you can always improve some sort of element in your game. Some elements of my game are better than anyone else I've seen, and at times it's not up to par. Just ride the highs and lows of this shit, no big deal. 

My homeboy Haze has given me some golden advice about how I could improve my game. I'm reviewing some of Manwhore's stuff,

I've been pretty poor and busy but funny enough I've been doing the best I've ever been doing at game ever since I quit my job about 2 months ago. It's fully internalized that it's very unlikely that I'll ever have to fuck an ugly girl out of necessity ever again unless I slip off the game HARD but it's like I've gone thru so much bs I don't foresee me quitting the game. I'm like a lifelong RSD customer and in fact today I made that decision I'll be a player for a long time fuck it.. Girls that I'm getting/pulling are hotter,cooler, classier, smarter and more importantly tolerant of the bullshit that comes out of my mouth. I got my first cherish ever, and man she's the coolest chick I've ever met and I've met A LOT of cool chicks but she's so fuckin cool.  Like I truly believe I can get an open relationship with her and still do pickup cool. It's like I found the perfect personality prototype for a girl, and it's a wonderful feeling. She complements me perfectly, understands me so well. I'll write about her in depth soon, and I'm still debating as to whether I'll send her the FR even though she's been asking for it. She wants to read all my FRs which I find weird but I should probably just accept. 

Besides that I no longer seek myself in the reactions of women, I'm more interested in being a decent enough programmer to build my own web biz. I started DJing again and people really love it so I'm a very busy dude. If I bullshit, I feel the effects permeating through my life. Every day is a grind, but it doesn't matter I'm having fun working hard, grinding it out in this fuckin magnificent city called New York.

Saturday 06/22

 

We get inside, the two cougars get drinks and Adi and I make the decision to bang the girls. We've been talking about improving our wing chemistry so we're like yea it will be a great reference experience at best.

We bring them to the lounge area, start shooting the shit with them, Adi is very self-amusing, I'm equally self-amusing and making things pretty sexual at the same time. Taking things way more seriously than my wing but whatever I wanted to have sex. 

The frame was great, I was ridiculously buyer, almost to the point where I was stifled that I was so buyer. I was like the best thing she ever met in the city. We make out here and there.

While she heads over to the bathroom, I go BR on a 2 set. Cute Indian girl pops right open, my cougar girl comes right back and I merge the set, so my wing and I drag the girls to the dance floor. 40 minutes into the set, I've had enough I want to have sex. No way I'm spending 4 hours in the club with cougars. I make the miscalibration thinking Adi's on the same page as me but he's a few steps behind me, he hasn't made out with his girl. He makes out with a girl and ramps up the motions but the thing in game is you have to be always cognizant of where your value is in comparison to the girl. If a girl is a 9 or 10, you're most likely equal or higher depending on how good your game is, if she's like a 6 or 7 she needs to be validated physically just a little bit just so that she knows she actually has a chance with you.

Eventually I seed a pull to my place but the other girl isn't as cooked. The set fades into the night.

I was a little irritated with my wing for not being more focused on the task at end but at the end of the day he wasn't that into his chick AND more importantly you must must be self-sufficient in this game. If something doesn't happen you are to blame, not anyone else. I could have easily bathroom pulled or just been more patient but it wasn't that serious.

I was actually very validated by the cougar and my state dropped. I struggled to really hit a nice groove until about halfway into the 4th quarter (3:30). I mock this cutie and I'm just a dick to her. Her friends try to cockblock me as I opened them earlier as I was off but my girl was instantly hooked as I opened her pretty hard and 2 minutes into the set, I picked her up and smacked her ass pretty hard. I calibrated and apologized because she was really shocked but she actually was massively turned on so her friends left. I pretend to look for my wing as she wants to look for her friends (she's 21) but I walk past my wing and just walk her outside. 

I'm a little bit indecisive and don't even sell the sex location aka after party. Eventually i do, she goes "after party in my bed" and i put up a false barrier "whoa, i am absolutely not having sex with you tonight". I keep selling afterparty, she refuses to come to Brooklyn, so I give her a ride home. This girl's cute - she's an 8, and I'm just a massive asshole to her. More false barriers, I even tell her I like cock in my ass and that I need to use her bathroom. She invites me up, I walk in and use her bathroom. She won't let me get into her bedroom, she's got like 5-6 roomies and she shares a room with one of them. Wtf. I drag her into her bathroom, and make out with her. She resists me hard so I number close.

The correct move would have been to whip my cock out in her bathroom, and lowered her down her knees by grabbing her shoulders and forcing her down to give me a blow job. 

I used to be way more gangster, time to review Manwhore closing techniques.  

Friday 07/05

You didn't take out your dick in the bano? Did you put her hand on it? Wtf was going on in here.. you had full isolation in a bathroom 

@ Manwhore - Yea i don't know what I was thinking. I didn't do anything of that.

It's like I sometimes make basic mistakes. 

Not gonna beat myself up, just need to make sure something similar doesn't happen like that again.

I was probably stifled because I wasn't home. If this girl was in my apartment, I would have totally banged, if I pull to their place I've been prone to errors regarding logistics and shit.

Ahh just googled this one - cute girl for sure.

 Saturday 07/07



I really love writing reports like this and it's not just because i got external validation. I love those nights when you're out of it for like 2 to 3 hours then BOOM you remember how awesome you are.



Meet up with Buddahgames around 12, haven't really kicked it with him since February or something like that. Catch up and I check out his place, pretty awesome location. 



We walk to some fratty-esque bar, not really my scene but I won't be going to hard to get into venues until I get BR down. A lot of frat guys/sorositutes naturally talk loud so these are the environments I want to be in. Get in, Buddah is relaxed and chill, I want to go hard. His default is relaxed, I like shit intense. I went thru a whole just play it chill phase (I'll continue to do this from time to time) but it was boring as fuck.



I'm stifled as fuck. Open a couple of girls, and Buddah tells me I'm being super weird. I was completely out of it and I'm limiting myself to only open BR from now on. Started to get a little reactive too. Some dude pushed me to dance with these dancing monkey dudes in a big circle, and I was super pissed by this so I grab the dude's throat. His friends are like wtf dude chill. 



I'm really trying to learn how to be more positive responsive than mr. negative reactive, something my buddy Haze pointed out, but damn getting angry sometimes feels so good. Ultimately it's a beta behavior, any other night I wouldn't have been so quick to start something.



Keep doing sets, it's going horribly bad, even fatties are rejecting me left and right. Unlucky.



2 hours of pretty much getting blown out of every set (which I'm not used to so I'm like wahhh this sucks). Buddah's got some girl, I decide to go out into the streets and do some shit. 



More blowouts on the street, and not feeing entitled. I run into some mediocre cougar, go BR, set the rhythm, she tells me I'm mean but at least I'm real. Walk her to her apartment around the corner, kiss her, instant boner times. Yayyy. 



Head into another venue, dance around like an idiot, while going in hard on chicks. Everything works when you're in the zone. Head downstairs around 3, some black girl is dancing kind of funny, she has a shit ton of personality, a little eccentric, I had to meet her. Isolate her after a minute to the bar, 2 minutes later she says she wants to smoke, we go outside and sit on a stoop. 10 minutes later I walk her a couple of blocks to a park. 



This girl is a bit of a nutter, really smart, but definitely crazy. We talk for 30 minutes, pure laid-back game. She wins me over when she tells me she wants to run a porn company because the black girls in porn aren't that hot. No filter, talk, I finally get her to sit on my lap after asking to do so 3 times. At a point in the interaction I slap her hand away really hard, and she says something that makes me realize that's her trigger button : dominance. 



Walk her a few blocks to my car, slap her ass really hard, just to set the tone. We're going to the after party in my new neighborhood in Brooklyn. On the way there we talk about serious shit and playful shit. Really smart girl, but this one's got a screw loose in her head. Find parking, she says she's dying to take a piss. This girl takes a piss in between two cars and then starts tweaking afterwards. I think she pissed on her hand and she chases me with her hand until I threaten to punch her. Tell random guy hosing down the sidewalk to let her wash her hands. 



Get in, she asks where everybody is?  I point to my bedroom. I'm quite the cheeky lad ;)



My room's a mess, no AC on a 90 degree evening. I just walk her inside my bedroom, and she takes her clothes off. 



A little LMR, BOOM!. First black girl. Fantastic pussy. Fuck once you go black you can't go back.

Normally, I would never tell a wing, "Bro you're being weird"  - but we've chilled enough where you knew what I meant. 

You were just mistaking "tonality" for "volume" lol - That and I've gotten too used to rollin with non-pickup dudes... so I've gotten used to the whole, "relax, pick 1 girl, spend the night with her and then leave" shit

I should get back on the approach machine game for a bit just for fun

Sweet lay report though. Holy fuck. The way you turned the night around was literally TEXTBOOK

A lot of guys don't realize there is a ton of pussy just floating around out there waiting to be plucked. Katalyst saw the opportunity and seized it. Nice 

That's something we in the know like to call, "Controlling your Destiny". 

haha wait, can we also not choose to ignore the issue of legit how fucking BATSHIT CRAZY this girl seems...

lol dude have you talked to her since, this one sounds awesome

I'm definitely not loud enough so in my case I need both. You couldn't hear me half of the time. I'll EVENTUALLY find a happy medium.

My brain has been infiitrated with game purist perfection shit.

I do this shit in the subway now too and I get blown out all the time. When it goes well, it's like a fuckin Picasso baby :)

She was angry that I got all paparazzi on her so I didn't get her # but she seemed emotionally fucked up. Like stage 5 clinger yet really withdrawn. Complete nutcase

It's alright, was fun while it lasted.

I didn't ignore it I just hinted at it super subtly ;)

Been slipping of late, but I'm now instituting write for 15 minutes a day policy. I'm also going to highlight some of my daytime adventures. I want to be amazing at BR, about to start visualizing myself as this loud, confident black guy that just constantly stays centered under social pressure on the subway.

I'm really into doing stuff on the subway, it's by far the hardest environment to do game on considering the social pressure. Especially in the morning on my way to work. I struggle daily with doing BR, but I have to really embrace the pressure. Some may ask why I'm doing this and it's simply for the challenge. I can be smooth, Alex -type game anyway, but I'm going to be a CEO so I might as well learn how to deal with the pressure. This is going to involve me hitting up everything and being known as the guy and to be honest I'm training myself to not really give a shit about other people's reactions and all that other bs we as dudes care.

Gonna start developing some self-love and doing it in more on the regular. Tough financial times for me at the moment, but it will probably be like this for the next couple of years, but will be worth it. I work 60 hours during the week, more like 70 when you factor in the weekends. Not like time really matters.

Have to stay focused. 

Friday 07/12

07/27



I went on a Day 2 with one of my cherish's friends. I initially met her about 6 weeks ago and told her she had a black girl body. We hit each other up, and I eventually got her ass out. 



She made the trip from Harlem to meet me -> I live in Brooklyn, I was throughouly impressed. She got to my hood I was still watching a Tyler vid and eating a burger when she said she completed her journey.



I looked like bullshit. Complete bullshit. I was admittedly a little too cocky on this date. Didn't take it seriously because I thought I had it in the bag.



Come downstairs, her friend is a solid 7, good looking girl. Shit I forgot. I'm new to the neighborhood so I just did a long loop of a walk around to find a place. Probably came across a little to indecisive. I was inauthentically cocky. So we head over to get some Mexican food. I had a taco, she had a quesadilla. I talk shit, talk shit, make her laugh. Head over to a bar, chill for a bit, I'm not really into her like I am my cherish (who's abroad and won't see until January) but uhh yea she made several suggestive marks throughout the night. Whatever. I tried to kiss her a couple of times but it was retarded and unsmooth. 



Browbeating because it was poor execution and me being miscalibrated for a good portion of the night. 



We head over to another bar in my hood. Note to self: Don't go to this bar ever again. I walk in, everyone's black and I walk in with a white girl. I'm not exactly loved for this but o well. They made it super awkward and had us wait like 15 mins for a drink, kind of a vibe killer, but I amped up emotions a bit. Sit outside, talk about bs. You know I make it really difficult for chicks to build chemistry with me because I say all this outlandish dumb shit. It's probably a bit reaction seeking and not exactly unfiltered. If you're gonna be outlandish, OWN the motherfucker like Oprah ;) 



Roll on out, I walk her into my apartment. She gets in my messy ass room. She's not at ease with the situation. Eventually she leaves. If I was really serious, I would have fucked this girl. I could have focused a little bit more.



Positives: Got a Day 2.



Negatives: Didn't take it seriously



-Tried to force shit.



-Wasn't authentic.



07/28


Get to the venue at 3 with AS89 after my dad's dinner, pimp it well into overtime. Run into a bunch of other pimps tonight, I'm looking ridic dapper, still not letting go. 



Wasn't really into what I was doing and I was going through the motions until some black girl blacked out on me for being aggressive with her friend. It was a GREAT blowout because I woke up about my daze. Hit up some more sets and I really start flying high when I met this Colombian hottie. I went DICTATOR on her ass and yelled at her to get her lil ass over HERE. She was super compliant, and it was a great great epiphany. I was like "O Shit" I can actually do this. Very epic. Re-inventing myself so every small win is a win.



POSITIVES: Hit up the end and got bolder with every approach



NEGATIVE: Too short of a night to really call out any negatives. Maybe being authentic, but at the moment I'm forcing and implementing new behaviors so BR BR every set. Fuck my emotions. 

 Aug 1



I'm really determined to get BR down. 



I get anxiety in the morning to do BR because it is so out of place and sociopathic but at the end of the day who cares. Are they even deserving of the value you bring them? Most people won't challenge themselves the way I do. Not one bit. Before today, I only had a $1.44 in my bank account after walking away from a comfortable salary at a media company. It's like I've turned hitting ground zero financially as a positive and motivation to really own it and boss up.



Hit up a cutie on the platform after procrastinating for a bit, which is OK, I am only human but soon I want to be superhuman and do this shit all the time and truly not give a fuck ;) Go BR for a bit, but I'm a bit stuck in my head, set kinda stalls out.



After an 11 hour workday, I hit up a shitload of sets with Adi during training, really go hard at it. I'm going to be immaculate soon. RG3 inspires me - I read a quote from his teammates that said "EVERY SINGLE DAY, He's the FIRST to come, LAST to leave". That's the type of shit I'm on. Improve the coding skill set from 9 to 9;45. Do work until 6:30, and then code for another 2.5 hours. Just code code, I've gotten way better. It's great, my brain expands everyday and I'm dead tired by the time I come home. I'm really not far off the mark WHEN i give myself permission.



For the most part it went good, sometimes I inflect up while commanding, and I can still come across way too aggressive but it's way better than it was a month before. A month from now it will be great, and 6 months to a year it will be second nature. I love the game, I just love to push and challenge myself mentally as if 



The one thing I have to actively work on is vocal projection (need to do drills!) as well as continuing to command the rhythm of the set CONSTANTLY. Command command command. That's the one thing I really have going for me. 



Aug 2



I roll up to a decent girl standing on the platform next to me and ask her "How it feels to talk to God's gift to the world". She's definitely taken aback, say a little bit more obnoxious shit then turn into Ned Flanders fag mode. I should just be an asshole for the majority of the interaction, these bitches don't want positive emotions, negative emotions ONLY. She was hesitant to give me her # so I walked away. 



I have a slight sticking point, I find it tough to keep going after getting a really good interaction on the subway. Would like to get over this to overcome Freedom of Outcome. 



Head home early today, as in leave when everyone else leaves. I'm on some RG3 shit -> first to come in, last to leave. I'd like to impress my bosses, but my main obsession is with getting really good at programming. This shit is my craft, just like pimping is, so I stay on the grind EVERY DAY. About to go deeper with pimping.



Head out solo in BK, haven't done solo in awhile, I always want to be self-sufficient. 



Hit it up, first set blow out, I'm way too intense early.



Hit up a bunch of girls next to them to create jealousy plot lines and scarcity, and I'm talking to this 34 year old chick. Definitely a 6, but has a great personality. She wins me over and a part of me to this moment questions whether I should have fucked her, given I haven't pulled in about 3 weeks. NO! ABUNDANCE! 



I fuck with her HARD, her friends leave us alone, I pull girls in creating a hub off One Bitch. UOENO. Just more absurdity, walk her around, create a business connect with this one -> she's a designer. Very cool chick. Might fuck her one day, she was loving me. She eventually leaves to go to some other venue by herself but I stay committed to not fuckin the warmup.



Roll around, hit up a bunch of shit, more hub times, talked PIMPING way too long with some random black dude, wish I didn't, was a little too cocky. 



Didn't hit up all the 8s like I should. Another slight sticking point of mine, being entitled with these kind of girls. It's like going BR has made me hate rejection but I should embrace the process and be FEARLESS.



Later in the night, I meet some cutie. Cool chick, sit down, talk, friends immediately approve of me and leave us alone as they go to the bar. I talk way too fuckin much in this set. Way too much. Only 90-10 first few minutes and then let the girl engage you and INVEST. All good. Don't know why I spent such a long time with a girl with poor logistics but I was a little rusty today. Will be more on point Saturday night. Grab her #.



Open a mixed set Alex style very chill, one of the girls introduces herself to me. She liked me, but I wasn't man to woman with her. Also gave her a ton of shit, but wasn't congruent asshole, played it nice with her ultimately making me come across beta





Lessons Learned:



Every Set - man to woman. None of this nice guy shit. You need to bend these whores over like the true asshole you are.



No nice guy shit.



No nice guy shit. 



Stay focused, don't get lazy and competent. Respect the game, this ain't that chill back with one girl type shit, this is declaring jihad on the pussy my nigga ;)



Lol no just relax and have fun.

Sporting Thoughts:



Head out with AS89 around midnight. We did street game for 5 hours. Just pure process oriented shit, mainly BR and COMMANDING THE RHYTHM. My BR isn't aggressive as it used to be more calibrated but it's still not auto-pilot. No worries, no need for it to be. 



I was reading a really good interview (http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sport/football/article-2380477/Arsene-Wenger-...) from my idol, this brilliant French coach named Arsene Wenger. I really love this guy's philosophy. He talked a lot about sustained motivation and how most people don't ever have sustained motivation. This guy is probably one of the top authorities. I mean dude from Moneyball - Billy Beane looks up to him (http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/football/teams/arsenal/8823275/Arsenal-...).



I've always viewed pickup as a sport, but a part of this is fallacy/ part great benefit. My buddy Haze always told me I was too much in a results oriented trance, but true practice of sport you're process oriented, particularly in PRACTICE. I don't think there ever is a true game in pimping, every moment is PRACTICE for the next, another reference experience notch on your belt.


Another sporting principle I'd like to talk about briefly is going HARD every single night. Fuck it. There's a player on Arsenal called Jack Wilshere and he's one of England's most promising youngsters. A player said Jack is one of the best because EVERY single practice, he goes hard. Never has a bad practice. Clearly the guy is sustained focus and motivation to the core. I don't ever want to miss a day. Even if I'm off just keep hitting it hard, giving it a 100%. Emotional workout.

Sat 08/03

We head out, AS89 goes up to some 8s and 9s and summons them over. We're a bit indecisive about getting them into a top-notch club. I regret not lying to these hoes telling them we were promoters. We should have done that, but Adi is like keep the party moving. 

We ran into two separate groups of two. Both groups, one girl was a 7, another girl was like a 6. Try to get them into a venue a couple of blocks away but it just wasn't happening, not on a Saturday night in prime-time Manhattan. First group of girls, we were way too nice to and walked them into a venue they would have been able to get into. After that, me and AS89 turned into asshole mode, and start hitting it up. It's tough to write a FR for a night like this because I did about 40 approaches. 

-> AS89 and I had a great sequence of 4 interactions where we stripped girls of validation HARD. One was this Indian princess that was like an 8, clearly wealthy and used to getting everything, we fucked with her hard had her wanting our validation, and told her to scat off. The mental image of her being confused whether to chase our validation OR go back inside the club we got rejected from TWICE with girls is a lasting image. Strip hotties of validation you're a champion for life. We did this to 2 other girls and it was world-class self amusement. Really improved our wing chemistry. Glimpses of brilliance. 

After that we both sort of hit a lull, I struggled majorly and was reaching for some sort of validation myself and started to force shit mechanically, AS89 called me out on it, so I sort of chilled back. One of my sticking points is micro-calibration and always being really attuned with my emotions. It's something I have to pay attention to but at the moment I'm really forcing the BR and commanding the rhythm. That's where I'm coming from at the moment. Maybe 3 to 6 months -haha ;) - from now when my BR and commanding the rhythm are more in tune to shit my baseline dominance that I'm looking to convey will be congruent and my shit will be dialed on all spots. But till then, fake it till you make it. 

We got something to eat because we were hitting up all these sets dead tired, fuckin hungry, also a bit of an emotional workout. AS89 has really turned the corner in terms of willpower and emotional strength and it's been lovely. 

Get some food, get back in the groove. We hit up a ton of shit. My night turned the corner when I went up to a 2 set, got approached by some chick about my shirt, Kind of commanded her around a bit, tried to pick her up, then finally got it right second try, and spanked her ass pretty hard while I had her held up in the air. She responded really really well to that so I just grabbed her head and start making out with her. Do some push afterwards, more making out because she chased my validation HARD, more PUSH, but this was some literal push. I pushed her away, and she sort of lost balance and fell into a big batch of restaurant trash. It was such a bad look, everyone was laughing their ass off and I felt bad. Her validation was stripped beyond belief. She asked me to get on my knees and beg for forgiveness which I did, but looking back I should have been even more of an asshole, because at the point her validation was gone, and she needed it bad. I don't know how I could have played it right but I'll throw it around in my head and figure out how I could play it correctly. . I'll eventually get there (not giving a fuck if she goes haywire) but it was still a very very funny interaction and ultimately positive. 

More bs, but we stuck it out for 5 hours. 

Positives:

- Mental strength

-Glimpses of asshole brilliance. We had a really really excellent 10 minute sequence of self-amusement just straight trolling girls and I really want to start to visualize all of our sets having a very similar vibe. Positive asshole dominance. Perfect perfect vibe. Those 10 minutes tonight were beyond brilliant. 

Negatives:

I still browbeat myself a lot and it's not necessary, self-love, self-love, self-love, Something me and my wing AS89 really really have to work on. We're like the two coolest guys in NYC I know as far as I'm concerned and we have to keep at it and stay in the bubble.

Sun 08/04

Wake up around midday. Skype with my cherish. Love her to death. She's across the pond but damn I'm still very swayed with her. More drama times about me meeting up with her friend, but I just drag it out because it's fun for both of us and I know her boyfriend at the moment can't do that. 

Log about 4 hours of software development time today, I'm focused at the moment. Even after running a ton of errands and not starting till about 5pm. 

While i'm coding, AS89 is paired off with his cool chick. I loved this moment. I still remember the days when we were both virgins, and I still remember those useless thought patterns both of us used to half. Cute fashionable chick comes in, Estonian blond, tight leather pants, I start chuckling. Talk a bunch of shit, invite her to join the three of us at the coffee shop 10 mins away. 

She joins us, games me quite a bit actually come think of it. I'm in a really mental chode pattern today, forgot to do some self-love. Maybe I'll do a super proactive 30 day self-love challenge for it. I'm already on Day 3 then if I manage to tell myself why I'm awesome for 5 minutes which I will do. Alex style game. I don't even escalate on her, she seems really really shy. I should have done some light touching, felt very friend to friend. Just wanted to put her at ease, but I'm actually starting to realize it's a cultural thing. Really quality chick, doing her masters at Harvard, fashionable, intelligent, cool. Give me those 3 personality qualities I'm good to go. 

Was lacking the boner but it's ok, I'm gonna text her ass like a motherfucker and get her out!

Mon 08/05

Hit up some girls in the am before work. I do NOT want to do this at the moment. Fuck it, If it's to be done, I have to do it. Crawl through the mud. First girl I approach is a cute 15 year old. I find out her age and immediately say "fuck I am not R.Kelly". 

Ok, next set, go BR on a married chick, but I have that slight hesitation into commanding the rhythm so it goes awfully well. I eventually end up stumbling over my words and qualifying myself but I feel really good as I offered a shitload of value to her. I love being the only guy that can do this the way I do it. 

After 11 hours of work, I decide to go on a subway adventure with AS89. Hit a bunch of sets, which included waltzing with some girl in front of everybody on a subway car, getting a shit ton of blowouts. 

Mann social pressure blowouts feel like you've taken a shit and everyone knows you've taken a shit. Eventually I won't feel it, but fuck I won't lie to you it's a bit demoralizing but it's still great. Crawling through the mud. Shit a year from now on either I'll be that psycho everyone knows OR that really centered fuckin cool kid. I LOVE doing shit on the subway BREAKING RAPPORT AND CHALLENGING. Amazing stuff. Scary and when I cheat I get punished for being cool. 

AS89 and I have been having a ton of fun. I got blown out by some girl who insisted she play her candy crush game on her phone, so I just approached the next girl on the train and had a shitload of fun. Sociopathic times galore. 

I was very tired today but I'm a champion for sticking it through. I show up every day and hit it hard, whether it's work, pimping, soccer. I don't want to do it, but I do it.

LOL @ "Strip girls of validation and your a champion at life"

You're such a pooah, it's ridiculous 

I don't understand why/how you think you're gonna get massively good at pickup by working on all these external things.... You're runnin on a hampster wheel my brutha.

You gotta go a lil deeper- explore some of those issues we were talkin bout at chipotle, about your highschool days and the validation issues you got with that. You got mad risidual shit my brutha, we all do, and I think that it's awesome for you to want to get better, but you should think about finding ways to work on the "Deep, identity level change" stuff, as well as these random, small external factors. 

This!!

Yea you're right, but I don't talk about the internal stuff I've been working on recently..

I've been way more positive in my self-talk. I DON"T judge my approaches any more. Every approach is "yeah I'm the only nigga capable of doing it like this". I'm embracing my inner "sociopath aka fuck people's opinions and feelings". I've probably got some crazy shit going on. I said to myself if someone like Distant Light thinks he's awesome, then a dude like me is on some Yeezus/BOSS shit. Which I am.

I probably could benefit from some therapy to vanquish the demons of the past, but I'm too broke and busy at the moment so the way I'm working on internal shit is 5 minutes of self-love daily and refusing to browbeat myself especially when it comes to anything women related. Criticizing myself when I get home instead of in the field. You've hit the nail on the coffin, I definitely don't love myself as much as I should, and when I do that's when you see me going on a romp.

I've actually only got 3 main goals for the next 12 months -> getting my BR/Command Challenge shit down pat, text game down, and working on my inner game/self-esteem. 

Funny you mentioned the strip girls of validation comment. The only way you can do this is if you love yourself WAY more than you love her. Well said, and I know this, but besides 20 minutes of guided meditation and 5 to 10 minutes of self-love what else can I possibly do? 

The crazy shit is because I go around carrying the weight of the NYC "pickup community" on my shoulders. I feel like I'm pushing the bounds of what's possible and I enjoy this process because it scares the shit out of me AND it WILL\ make me more centered. I'll struggle for a bit, but once I get over that plateau, GAME OVER.

Tue 08/06

In the morning, ahh I feel way more anxiety than usual. Eventually I stop procrastinating after 2 trains of straight BSing to hit up a chick. Putting all this pressure on myself probably isn't good but mann o mann when you get over it and provide THAT value, it feels good. In the morning, I'm definitely in my head but one day I'll love myself to the point where getting blown out repeatedly doesn't scare me.

 

After work, I'm starving, I'm hungry as fuck. Headed to the Disclosure concert with AS89. I'm tired out my mind. I see a cute Italian girl on the train. I've just done coding for 9 hours, I DO NOT want to approach. What do I do? Bullshit for a couple of stops and finally put the gun to my head and do it. I don't go in hardcore BR as I fear the blowout, but I tell her congruently "God I just had to say hi". I feel guilty for cheating and I'm pretty stifled, in which case I could have been congruent but damn I did it. I fuckin did it. It feels good.

 

Walk over, and talk a bunch of shit to 2 random girls headed to the concert. Text AS89 he's in the front of the concert, I could care less really even though I love the group so I chill back solo in my head for like 20 -30 minutes. Something in me goes fuck this because it's swarming with hotties. First approach, I'm uncalibrated dickhead and stifled. It's cool. Stifled for another 10 or so minutes and then I say fuck it. BR BR BR. Blowout, blowout, hook, then I really start to remember how awesome I am. 

 

I have the right vibe with this cutie that just walked in. Fuck with her more, bounce her around, meet her friends, leave her for a bit while she gets drinks. I meet her again she's holding 3 beers. She offers me one, and I damn sure take it and drink it because I want chicks to invest me as much as possible. It's just one of those things you need to do. I have no cash on me anyways. 

 

I bounce her over to another part of the massive park and we run into some random people she knows from college. Durr here for awhile. She meets college friends I enjoy the concert and she's talking to some random chode for most of the concert. I could have run some jealousy plot lines but a part of me is like she was probably nervous. Still I was a bit needy, and a little validation seeking, I forgot to do some self-love today :(. 

 

After the concert AS89 is hanging out with his fuckbuddy and her lil sister. I'm dying to run around and command chicks around because I really hit the zone earlier, finally got in that right intense modality. You just know when it's great, it's positive and very assholey. 

 

Play wingman, then take the subway home, some more stupidity with AS89, he's gotten a lot better at approaching on command. We're just dickheads for the most part, which is ridiculously self-amusing. Just retarded shit. 

Wed 08/07



Start the day off massively in my head, unable to do approaches in the morning. This shit isn't normal! But I vow to fight the resistance. 



It takes me until 7pm when i decide to get head into the city to meet up w/AS89 make shit happen. Jeez.



I finally muster up some willpower and hit up a girl on the subway. Goes relatively decently. My game has taken a massive backslide BUT this is something I have to do. Vocal projection/tonality. Go all the way down the mountain and climb back up. Should probably start to ramp it up. I'm like damn this is shit Manwhore put me on like last year and i'm finally giving a shit to implement it but hey it's ok I wasn't ready for it. Shit inner game is something most people stray from but I take more action than most so I need it more than others…



Meet up with AS89 hit up a bunch of chicks on the subway. 



One memorable one was a married chick asking me if I was a subway pick up artist. I wonder if I'm getting a rep around town. I hope I have one. Make my night shit way better. Who gives a fuck most people are peons.



Actually, I got cockblocked by Captain Save A Ho. Some random dude came into my interaction when I was talking to some girl, as I repeat, doing it makes me nervous as fuck, ahhhh social pressure, and he totally got me. I thought he was the boyfriend. I mention this because whenever a guy comes in IGNORE HIM, IGNORE HIM, IGNORE HIM. Nothing has ever come good of acknowledging a guy. Got to train myself to do this shit. It will come. 



I had a really good interaction at the end of our ride, I walked up to a girl, my BR was relatively weak and for the most part it was Alexy but she was SO hooked. Internally, I was thinking to myself fuckkk I cheated but I should start to think everything is fuckin awesome. EVERYTHING. I should believe in my product wayyy more. No one can offer her what I can, not even close to it. 



Thu 08/08



A bit of a down day, but when I start a day all slumpy I always recover. I was stressed because I didn't have enough funds to make rent. A little bit down, but then I reset the internal frame and decided that these times of crawling through the mud being poor as fuck are gonna make the better times feel 10 times as good. I just BARELY had enough to cover rent. BARELY. It's all good, I got me. I got to work past 3, end up coding till about 10.



On the way back, I'm feeling pressure to keep this approach chicks BR on the subway everyday challenge. Massive FORCING. I see a cutie, don't want to do it. NOPE. See another one NOPE. Ok last train home, I'm like you have to get it done. Walk across the whole car, BR, don't fully own it because I'm stifled. Like a dog, I ask for her validation. I ask her if she minds that if I sit next to her. It was woefully pathetic but my self-talk thought it was funny that I got blown out and I was like "yea none of you other niggas can do this shit". Ahh self-love, self-love needs to be done. 



All good, the way I see it I only have 3 sticking points (command + challenge/ text game/ from being incredibly mind-blowingly hurt your feelings consistent..I'm really not far off the mark and given my passion to overcome any sort of challenge in life, I'm not far off the mark. They may be hard but that's all my RAS is focused on at the moment. Enjoy the plateau while it lasts, breakthrough will feel amazing.

The thing with BR is you have to have 100% confidence. 

Also, this shit can come off as massively weird in a day time setting if you do it wrong. 

Competence breeds confidence. Sometimes you start something and you come across MASSIVELY WEIRD. Eventually you become more congruent to a new behavior and soon it's your new reality.

I didn't get this good by not crawling through the mud or dealing with the weird shit.

I'll be freakishly good once I get this down. Must persist!

Friday 08/09

Hit up a black chick in the morning. I'm more of myself and my baseline entitlement as improved slightly. Run a bit push-pull, am way more authentic. Yay for entitlement. What excites me is that every day training ADDS up. Fuckin ADDS up like a mofo. On the way back home from work I think I hit up a cute and probably pregnant chick. Am really in my head. Self-love 3 times a day. Self-love 3 times a day. 

Skype with the cherish after coming home, every time I think about her I smile ;). It's perfect, I make her feel guilty for having a BF, she tries to make me feel guilty about being into pick-up. Amazing girl though, it's like damn I've reached the level where a high quality, really intelligent, cool cute chick really really likes me for who I am. She likes me because I can provide her with a range of emotions and intelligence that no other guy can offer her. A part of the problem is I've been looking for her in every chick I've met of late, which is fucked. Ahh no more digression.

Roll out with the homie AS89. We get downtown, both sort of tired, I'm tired but more amped to do night game after subway game. Night game is a relative joke compared to the subway. Start hitting up chicks, am really out the zone and not willing to do shit.

Eventually the wheels start to turn and things start to click. I got into the groove after berating some girl from Argentina for no reason. AS89 said I was a bit reaction-seeking which was probably true, but I was berating and her generally causing a scene. I kept calling her la basura (trash) or perro (dog) and she was enjoying it. It was fuckin funny. I did this for like 10 minutes and then she went to go help her friend who start throwing up.

AS89 and I roll into a venue, and tonight was a breakthrough night in terms of BR. 90% of girls I opened had their vaginas wet from being opened by me, it was great. Really good stuff. 

I opened this really cute 8 twice. First time it went well, 2nd time it went well. I still wasn't overly entitled so I start talking a lot, and I also didn't lead her around the venue when her friends left. I must lead more, it's essential

Positives:

- Great great breakthrough night for BR. Really positive. Love that I can use my voice now. Second time in a week I've been able to let go and really use it with devastating effect. Soon it will be second nature 

Negatives:

-Not leading enough, had several girls really liking me but I didn't take my chances and lead the interaction in a sexual way. Tonight I'll relax more and also escalate with more purpose!

 

Saturday 08/10

This was a good week. Lots of progress was made. 

Code all day, play soccer for a bit, come back home, self-love, meditate, practice some BR. I'm really dedicated now and all about it. A part of me is dissatisfied with the status quo and knows I'm capable of much more AND at the same time I don't love myself as much as I should at the moment. 

Roll out and pick up AS89 from his fuckbuddy's house. He can feel the agitation/stress -> one of the first things he asks me is if I banged my fuckbuddy this week, which is no. Having sex definitely helps you calm down, definitely helps your mid-game out for sure, as you're more relaxed, but I don't know why I was so agitated. Was it that I haven't had sex for a couple of weeks? Idk. I'm very very sure soon I won't have enough time to please everyone but I'm loving this current cycle. I'd honestly give up sex for the rest of the year just to get my first 3-5 minutes of game be extremely commanding and challenging CONSISTENTLY. Obviously that won't happen at all, but I'm just saying.

We head out downtown, pop into a bodegai, and I hit up a stunning pencil-thin model chick. 9 deluxe. I flinched for a bit so she didn't even acknowledge me, AS89 a minute later pushes her away and she loves. I realize I left my phone in the ride so I head back out, and I come back and I'm like damn AS89 I thought you pulled your first 9. 

Roll out, I start hitting it up, mann getting BR down is lovely. Holy shit. Like 90% of my sets open right the fuck up. Very exciting times. 

We run into these 2 girls, a black and white girl with the sole purpose of trying to get them into a high-end venue. They're a bit indecisive so we ditch them after they waste our time for 10 mins, and I'm a little reluctant to open these 9s walking up the street, but I decide to go in. They open right the fuck up, I was really really in the zone. So much that I don't remember but after I left, I was like WHOA I was owning it with the 9s man to woman. I never could do that before, pimp the 9s hard as fuck -> but shit i'm there. It's in sight, I can get any sort of girl now. I've BOUGHT IN. This is the way to go. 

I'm bouncing from girl to girl, my usual bs. It's fun, having 90% of opens pop up. The voice is a beautiful beautiful instrument, and I've been working day and night to make sure I'm loud and resonant. It will only get better from here. 

We can't find any girls so we just walk up to the doorman, and funny enough he just lets us two in. Roll in and start macking it up. I'm kind of in my head more so than when I was on the street but it's all good in the hood. 

Bounce from girl to girl, I'm doing well but my mid-game is off at the moment. I realize though what I haven't been doing and it was crystal crystal clear. I HAVEN'T BEEN LEADING THEM AROUND THE VENUE. I've been so focused on BR and commanding and challenging that I haven't been LEADING or ESCALATING which is OK but next weekend I'll be doing a lot of that. Overescalating aka raping them Manwhore style :).

Last interaction of the night is a decent black chick, she's sophisticated. A little on the thick side but I'd definitely fuck. I talk a whole lot of shit, at the end of the night AS89 is paired off with her friend, and I'm with her and we walk out the venue. I decide to walk them down the street, and kinda be an opportunist as they live close by in the East Village but it ends up being a super solid # close. 

Positives:

I think it's safe to say I've got the BR down pat at night as it's been my 3rd time this week where I've really lit it up. Probably command and challenge a little bit more, and really really set the rhythm but I'm very satisfied with my progress. All those daunting subway approaches when I'm resisting like a motherfucker to not do them but force myself to do them anyways are really starting to pay off. Kudos to my work ethic, hardest working nigga I know. 

Entitlement: It's off the charts right now. I feel really entitled and all the 8s and 9s that used to scare me aren't as scary anymore. I'm really fuckin excited. Every night right now feels like a brick in my palace. Got to credit my nigga Haze for opening my eyes and Manwhore introducing me to this stuff a year ago. Now I'm ready for all the boss daddy shit he was teaching me so I've been relearning it. If you gave this to me last year, my brain was just like huh! I can't do this. But now i'm like yes I'm wayyy more than enough, the best product for her so I believe it. This is great. I'm so excited. I'm working so hard, busy all the time, but the future looks great. It really does. I have no money to my name, and one could say very little externally, but internally I'm fulfilled. The gold lies within. I'm like the formerly mediocre player who's been paying his dues all these years, day after day, night after night, working on his craft, but didn't really have 100% belief in his product and then he finally opens his eyes and decides he wants to be MVP or some shit, so he works his tail off in the off-season on his weaknesses and what not. That's me right now. 

 

Lessons Learned:

Need to lead. I'm not fuckin or pulling because I haven't been leading. It will come so no need to stress ;)

Dude that was a super legit field report. 

You're thinking about a LOT of different pieces of the game, bruh - this is incredible stuff here. 

It's funny - I think we're in completely different places right now. I'm getting this sense like you're FULLY BOUGHT IN at this point, to the "game", and I'm like kinda going in the other direction. Like I read your stuff and I sense zero passion for the girl - instead, it's like there's just an insane passion for the GAME.... EXCEPT for when you wrote about your cherish haha I could tell there was some awesome shit goin on there. Was pretty fuckin sweet to read that. 

Keep it up bruh

Thanks -> yea I don't really give a fuck about most chicks to be honest.

At first I did game just to prove a point to my buddies who used to bully and harass me for being a virgin, but now I do it strictly from a place of self-improvement and fulfilling my potential.  

I also am addicted to this because it's funny how learning something like BR is something I'm finally ready for. Manwhore taught me it last year to a degree, but I just wasn't ready for it (or so I thought), now I'm entitled so i'm like "fuck yea" BR it is BITCH. 

I might be a masochist, I enjoy doing shit that scares the shit out of me, I think I'm like some reference experience junkie, or some sort of adrenaline whore. I just feel the need to be doing some edgy shit. 

Monday 08/12


I'm pretty tired. 2 more hours of self-improvement work to do. I'm obsessed with being the best. Everyone reading this knows I'm capable of some devastating shit, so I will fulfill my potential for myself. 



Wake up this morning ON fire. 



First girl, I go up BR, but I'm resisting hard as fuck. I open her BR but I'm stifled so she can't hear me, eventually I kind of calibrate and still continue to do it but I resist in the day time hard as fuck. Funny enough, I opened her right next to one of the girls I opened last week. Scumbag player times. Whatever. We vibe, chat, she chases and invests HARD, after some light pushing. Get her number on the connecting train. 



Next girl, random black girl I don't even really care for but hit up EVERYTHING. Offer value to the world, the feminine source that radiates so brightly around us. BR she's stifled, fuck nigga I'm stifled a bit too. Got to ping off myself. Do a pretty good damn job. 



Full day of work, leave at 6 for my soccer game. So I've been captain/managing a team for the past 2-3 years, and my leadership style has gone from a more intense style (where I used to yell at people all day everyday) to more positive, I'm the dude that shakes everyone on my team's hand after the game even if we play poorly and lose terribly or win awesomely. 



I really value this experience because one day I'll be a partner/CEO, hence why I'm so preoccupied with coding so I really value this experience. I'm not always on point because it's a lot of work and I have to think a lot while I'm playing. I'm still present but I have to focus on doing my job as well as doing a virtual Sudoku process. Sometimes I get flustered because 17 people are looking at you and a lot of people have egos on my team, so I feel several people's pain when they don't' start blah blah. It's funny because when you're a manager everyone wants to poke holes at you, and several people have tried to be manager but they realize what a damn good job I do, so although they criticize me, they're forced to respect me because I run the damn team better than anyone else.



On top of keeping track of time, I have to sort out who can play what position, scream at people to get in the correct positions, handle substitutions, handle tactics on the fly and switch up formations. Basically I'm player-coach. I spend up to 2 hours a week sending emails, washing some of the player's jerseys, organizing etc. 



It's also an interesting dynamic because it's a company sponsored team where I used to work so I have to play politics. Like some players aren't as good some weeks but I have to make sure they're satisfied so that the team runs on so they don't bitch and moan. 



As I continue to digress, there was a moment where I told one of the players to throw the ball up the field instead of towards the goalie, and instead he didn't listen and the other team scored. So I berated him, and he lost it telling me to "Fuck off, and you're the reason why most people on this team don't want to play". Half-true, half not, I've come to realize over the years that my level of intensity for certain areas is really a bit too much than people can handle. I handled the situation like a boss, and apologized and explained to him that my beration didn't come from a place of hate, it came from a place to win. Everyone else on the team kind of understood where I was coming from, but I really handled the situation pretty positively. As the years go by, I'll continue to analyze the boss-employee dynamic and really try to be the best kind of leader I can be. I know naturally that I'm not the easiest guy to be around, and I've embraced this like a motherfucker but it is what it is. You're given your hand and you play it to the best of your abilities.



Actually before the game, I went up to a girl in my smelly ass shirt. I didn't want to do it but I did it anyway. It was awesome, but I was immersed in the social awkwardness tension that comes from doing a subway approach rather than OWNING IT. 



The same thing happened to me after the game on the subway, I went up to a chick, but I waited like a minute, which kinda put me off my game. I wish I had straight rolled up on her gangsta style, and done it from the outset. Lowering your reaction time, and sharpening your emotional reflexes are really important and something I want to work on. If I roll straight in theres a 90% chance that I'm going to OWN THE BR and crush it as it usually forces me out of my head.



Positives: 



After every approach, I pat myself on my back, put a smile on my face and remind myself that no one can do it like me, Katalyst. For the two approaches after my game, I resisted them pretty hardcore. 



Lessons To Learn



-Lowering reaction time. Why wait? Why?

Tuesday 08/13

Ha the only reason why I type up FRs everyday is because I want to get better at articulating my thoughts. I really have trouble with this, I'm curious to why I do. Is it because English was but wasn't the primary language in my household, or was it because my dad has a slight speech impediment. Idk but unless i'm all charismatic and in the zone I probably don't make much sense. 

Whatever. I start off this morning with a SHITLOAD of approach anxiety. Niggas want to talk about a real man's blowout? Try approaching a chick BR in the morning on a little less than 6 hours of sleep. Your brain will fight it. For the life of me I gave an extreme fuckin fuck. It was brutal. I pussied out but then I was like NOOOO must do an approach IN THE MORNING BR style. I did a bs approach, but I STILL DID IT. It was hilarious. I ran back into the subway to chase a girl down, and got blown out right afterwards. I felt so fuckin good. Shit. Motherfuckin shit. I'll die before I miss a day in the gym. Fuck yea. The perfectionist in me wants to lower reaction time, and a combination of continual inner game exercises, and still flexing my already strong willpower muscles will get me this. I'm destined to be freakishly good…just because I want to be. But on the real I felt like shit, it happens, tomorrow's a new day. 

I was so tired at work today. Made me realize I need my 7 hours of sleep, at LEAST 6.5, I just wasn't able to logically solve shit FAST. All good, I'll put in a good shift tomorrow…..It's looking like I'll start working 4 days a week at my job instead of 5, and use the extra day at the library or office strictly to learn shit. I'm not satisfied with my progress, and I'm trying to be the best apprentice I can be.

On the way back from work, more procrastination and resistance. But eventually I opened a girl BR sort of half-assed and I recuperated using a good combination of me being cosmopolitan and some charm and giving her a little push to sort of woo her over. Who gives a shit, I'm just focused on how I execute the program. 

Doing BR until the end of the year…until it's completely automatic.

I'm singing BR when it's on autopilot.... I'll start singing "No way to control it…It's totally automatic". (

) 

Thursday 08/15

 

Another interesting day/LR. My life is a movie, and the movie has it's highs and lows. I'm typing this under an IV as I sit in ER in relative pain. About to go under the knife to repair my cheekbone. 

 

Morning

 

In the morning, approach some chick BR, she instantly blows me out at my subway stop. A train later, I see another girl on the platform, go BR, she wants to blow me off, but I plow plow, and it ends up begin really awesome. Persistence for the win, believe in your product. It always feels good to offer her what NO ONE else can offer.

 

I set up a Day 2 with the girl from yesterday. One of my better approaches in game, we had chemistry right off the bat and I was spitting absolute fuckin gold. I really wish I had my phone on me, I'd post up the convo, was really fluent and smooth and it was some textbook shit. I'll do whatever I can to upload that shit via HER phone ;)

 

On the way there, I'm being all shy and shit, but I'm training myself to be a fuckin machine, so I finally end up approaching this hottie BR. Just stop her in her tracks, command the set. BOOM. Don't want anything in return.

 

I'm late 15 minutes for the date, and I end up waiting an additional 15 minutes for her to come through. She's ok, borderline 7, but to be honest more of a 6.5 nothing special. Whatever I haven't gotten some new pussy in a month, I'm down to fuck. 

 

Head over to a bar, get 2 beers and the free pizza that comes with it.  We just talk, pure Alex game the whole time. All to the motherfuckin good, it's really really low-energy compared to yesterday when I was hitting on all cylinders. Wonderful girl, amazing personality, like an absolute ball to talk to. She knows who she is and it was enjoyable. We head over to several bars afterwards, and I walk around aimlessly with her as I have no sense of where to go.

 

We finally find a bar, more talking about stupid mundane shit, I kiss her neck and ear, she's a bit ticklish but my main goal isn't too escalate. I'm just here to enjoy her company. The escalation will happen in the sex location. I seed that we should smoke pot at her place. Walk over to her place, I have to use the bathroom of course. Take that piss, sit on her couch. Take like 3 puffs make her sit on me. Kissing for 10 -15 mins, shoes and pants off, blast past stupid resistance. BANG BANG. She was soooo wet. Like creaming as soon as I slipped it in. Holy shit ;)

 

On the way back home, I'm reluctant to talk to a beauty, but I go in kind of half-ass. Chill out, don't get her # because I'm trying to force a habit, so I only reward good behavior. 

 

Soo I'm walking home tired, and as soon as I get out the turnstile, some nigga is all up in my face like "yo stop following me dawg, you on that homo shit". I'm like "Dawg I don't know what you're talking about". He's still trying to start a fight with me. Now he's like "Yo go up the stairs, I don't want you following me". I'm like "Dawg I'm African , I don't play that homo shit, You walk up first. So I make him walk up first". 

 

I get up the stairs dude's waiting for me. Next thing you know he points to 5 other niggas hanging by a car and they come over and are like "give me your shit, all your money". I'm like "Yo chill, I don't have shit". They proceed to kick my ass, till I'm on the floor. I manage my way back up cause I can take a punch and they're done. They get off with my phone and wallet, but the fuckers didn't even rob me properly, I still had $65 in my pocket. After that, I run off and they call me a bitch ass nigga. 

 

Run home, kinda agitated, kinda delirious a bit, but way more centered than I would have been 3 years ago. Drive myself to my parents home an hour later. Weird because this is a safe neighborhood I'm just shocked that I out of all people got robbed. Dude was a punk, if he meant it he would have fought me inside the subway station. 

 

Now I sit here, about to be moved to the OR.

 

I will not stop. I won't quit. At this point in my life you'll have to kill me to not make it.

 

  

 

Woah dude sounds rough, at least you banged though ;)

Yea but to be honest I'd give up 10 lays to not have to go through what I went thru.

Past 2 Weeks:



These past 2 weeks have been really rough on me psychologically. The first week back I had a massive brace on my face to protect my newly constructed cheekbone. Funny thing was I didn't feel any different than I normally felt as far as self-image paradigm was concerned. I'm not as bad as I thought I was. I was still able to do a couple of approaches in the subway and got a couple of #s and what not which was cool. One highlight during the week included me doing 4 subway approaches in the same car, and getting blown out all of them. .



The second week back (last week), I started to feel a painbody flare up and for the majority of the week just wasn't in the headspace to be pimping.. I was massively hurt and fucked up emotionally. I didn't think this was possible considering I meditated pretty frequently but I was going thru some crazy mental toil. I was pissed as I saw one of the dudes who jumped me but he was surrounded by a bunch of his homies when I saw him so there was nothing I could do. I felt incredibly helpless for the first time since I started pickup. I'd be doing shit and just start tearing up because I was like why do I deserve this? Damn why me?  



I've been massively paranoid ever since, I feel like every random dude and his homies are out to get me.



Then last Thursday I decided to go for a run, and I ran pretty hard, it was like I was running after my attackers throughout the whole time or some shit. 



Afterwards I felt like a champion and start to break down and cry. I cried like a motherfucker because I hadn't felt good within my own body for 2 weeks. "I was like damn, it feels good to be a champion again".  



I think I'll be fine, but that's just predominantly where my head's been at. But yea sometimes even champs are unfortunate. Everyone's been telling me to let go, but it's a lot easier said than done. I'm hoping I'll be able to get over it or if I can find some free counseling or some shit.



Tuesday 08/03




Roll out after work with my homie and we do subway approaches. Kind of a light day, I've started to realize that my RAS isn't satisfied unless I do BR which I didn't really do today. Haze reminded me last week that I should start to be more vulnerable, which is something I should work on and actively bring into my sets more often. Today I was super logical, wasn't able to fully get in the zone, but it was fun, it kind of felt like the first day back. 



For a couple of interactions you could see that the attraction was there but at this point I could give a fuck about a set hooked or she gave me her #, I'm more concerned about getting into the zone and the process. 

Awesome 

Thursday 09/05



I've been a bit paranoid in the subway of late. I keep thinking random dudes are out to get me or something. If I was a chick i'd be having panic attacks, but i'm just mad paranoid it sucks. 



Got a helpful text from a friend of mine who is pretty street-savvy that also caught an L (got mugged) - he said this shit goes away with time. Yeah. 



Btw I haven't been really hitting it up in the morning like I should these past couple of days. Just need to embrace letting go. Something that's massively hard for me. I know that BR is the right action because being loud and obnoxious is something that would be beneficial all the time. Learning how to really put myself out there. 



After work, I hit it up with AS89, we're out in Soho just hitting up random chicks. I'm forcing myself to go BR. I've actually noticed now I've pretty much hit the point of no return where if I go in normal and chill, I feel wrong for not taking the right course of action. I'll get attraction, but what the fuck is attraction - I care about the process. I do game to please ME.



I'm very very hesistant to go up to chicks at first, but AS89 physically pushes me to stop this cute Persian chick. Solid chick. Economics professor at a solid school. Ahh my type. We banter, I win her over with my wits and my humor. Get her #. Will text this one.



Keep hitting stuff up as we walk around in search for some fashion week tail. We probably got there too late, but o wellz. 



Get on the subway and hit up a couple of stuff. One interaction was top of the line. At some point I decided, fuck it, I must lower my reaction time to get into the zone. As soon as I do I hit the zone. So funny how that works EVERYTIME. 



Go BR on a cute hipster looking chick with funky glasses. Stop her in her tracks, command and challenge. 2 minutes later, we're walking arm in arm down the stairs to catch our train. I push her away, great range of emotions type of shit. I was on fire, best stuff i've done in weeks. She's on laughing gas and I'm tooling her out in front of other people on the subway.



I suggest an insta-date of ice cream off her stop, so I walk her off the train romantic style. She's only in America for 10 days from London and staying with her older half-sister in Brooklyn. I'm broke and low on cash so I decide not to get ice cream. Note to self: Once I was off the train with her I was very Alex gamey and dropping compliments and saying all that lovey dove stuff "yea i enjoy your company gurl". 



I just walk her to the corner of her block, nothing crazy creepy, no forced escalation, just making her feel really comfortable, a stranger off the subway needs time for a girl. 



Fuck I love this game. 



I'm so broke but like Tyler says "all you need to do is pump the girl with good emotions". It's like damn when I'm bank-rolling and not over-worked and have plenty of time what the fuck am I gonna do then. Scares me ;) 



Afterwards I meet up with AS89, and we hit sets, not as many as I would have liked to have done, but its great we still take a shit load of action. 



I'm really obsessed with taking this shit to another level in the daytime. Soon i'll start doing the hub on the subway and opening with "I fuckin hate you". Why? Just because it's fuckin scary but funny to do. 



For now I'll worry about my safety, cuz right after I got off my subway stop I was fuckin paranoid as hell. Damn. The ups and downs of life huh ;)

Go on craigslist and find a boxing coach holmes. You can find guys that will give you amazing training for $20 an hr. Don't live in fear 

Thanks for the advice it actually helped on the way back home when I saw it today.

I don't know if I ever told you this but I boxed for about 7 months before I cracked my rib a month before Golden Gloves during a sparring session. I now know why athletes cry when they get injured. All the pain and all the time preparing for something is gone once something breaks. 

Point is I know how to hit and I definitely have a chin. I'm not scared to fight but when you pretty much get ambushed that's another level. In my scenario, it's one thing if i broke my cheekbone trading punches with the initial guy but it's another to get jumped out of nowhere. That's the paranoia of everything. 

I just have that apprehension and paranoia. I'm always thinking "yo is this nigga trying to get me out of nowhere right now". I was reading something on 50 cent and 2pac after they got shot and they said they had the same sort of paranoia. I didn't get shot, but same sort of helpless feeling like "damn random dudes are really trying to kill me".  

It will go away with time, and perhaps some therapy but even if i had the time and money I don't know if boxing would do the trick. You can hit the bag all you want but real confidence in boxing comes from the sparring. I

I got jumped 300 feet from where I live so that's the mindfuck. I got jumped by dudes in the area so they probably sized me up and were like "yo fuck that nigga" or something like that. 

It will take some time. 

 Friday 09/06


Head out to a lounge with my roommate Mike (who's a damn good natural) and AS89. I'm being silly and a bit dancing monkey-ish, nothing really relevant to report. We hit up another spot downtown. First night out in 4 weeks. Longest night time layoff since January



Get in, mainly BR throughout the night. I'm floating around, hitting up stuff, a more stop and start kind of night. Hitting sets up but that belief is lacking. My roomie was like "Yo girls would throw you the ball and you would catch it and be like 'What do I do now' ". And he was absolutely right, I was freezing up and I wasn't as sharp.



I was fuckin about with this Polish girl for awhile, which got me into the groove, very sort of emotive kind of interaction. 



Roll around, run into some black girl, manhandle her for a bit, she loves me instantly, meet her friend, 5 minutes later her friend is asking her "Do you want me to leave? Do you want me to leave?". I stand there passive as fuck. Why? I was thinking about the next day. 



Noooo! What the fuck, you're active and you speak up for the girl. Ala "hey we're going to an after party in LES, you should come. NY Fashion Week Ny FAshion week after party. Doesn't get better than that." 



I sort of chilled out. I really didn't care to be honest but in retrospect that was pretty fuckin stupid for me not to take action. Not a big deal, I wanted to wake up early and be productive. Been texting back and forth, will Day 2 her later in the week. 



Head out.



Saturday 09/07



Meet up with the homie Turok, beast of a nigga. Roll out, plucking the first set of girls off the street. Escort them to a venue, don't get in, roll up to a hotter set of girls, shoot the shit, try to bounce them somewhere. 



Roll around roll around, I'm inconsistent with the BR which is cool. I often find for me to have it work I have to do it about 2 or 3 times in rapid-fire before I find that rhythm and right tonality.



Had an awesome interaction, and met the psycho of my dreams. Rolling around, talking to some girl, Go in pretty hard on this ginger girl. Girl looks innocent as fuck. I get up in her grill ask her for deets, and she replies "I fuck guys in the ass for a living". Ding Ding Ding. I live for these fucked up chicks. Apparently she's a dominatrix. I fuck around with her and tell her I'll be her submissive and blah blah. 



Crazy chemistry right off the bat, I tell her that she can't slap one side of my face for another week because my cheekbone got repaired so she slaps the other side of my face. Yo bitch WTF. I'm a bit shocked but I keep it centered externally. I pick her up and slam her on the trunk of some car nearby and start making out with her. I was really hoping that the alarm was going to go off. Nonetheless it was really fuckin hot. She and her friend are with 2 dudes, so I grab her # and keep walking around.



Run into some cooler and pretty cute older chick while I'm trying to find Turok. Walk her around for amusement purposes, exchange info keep rolling. 



We walk into a venue, I pluck two cuties off the street. Kinda hurr durr with them in the venue for over an hour, take them to another place. Doorman won't let us in it's 3:30 at this time. They're butthurt they can't get into a second club and go home. We roll up to two chicks, talk intellectually for 15 minutes, then try to bounce them to another club. At this time it's 3:45 so we can't be bothered. 



I roll in to some chick as she's getting out the club, and chill with her for 30 minutes. I was being a bit gamey, maybe not being real enough, or doing too much push-pull. She was pretty smart and she called me out on being a PUA and I admitted it. Logistics were kind of fucked up and I really had wish Turok had been able to wing her friend. We would have sealed the deal as it was her friend's bday ;)



No big deal.



Weekend Thoughts:



- I'm not sexual enough. I do some dominant stuff but I'm missing that Manwhore/rape-esque sexual riddim, with all this leading and stuff I'm not making out with these hoes and taking things in a sexual enough direction. My game is in a weird phase right now, where I'm sussing out the kinks of BR and dominant shit. All good , just have to review some Manwhore stuff haven't been out in a month so it's actually not that bad the kind of stuff I'm pulling off. I'm itching to hit my goals with purpose so I can 



- Continue doing BR. Get it on auto-pilot by the end of the year. Then whenever I want to be normal and chill there won't be reluctance to do BR. Right now I'm in a "DO BR" trance. Waiting to switch up to a more over the top romantic style. 

To be fair, I should be pulling more. And what happened to the Katalyst that used to go for bathroom pulls. New mindset.

Yeah have some kind of "mid game" goal, and once you accomplish that, set up an "end game" goal. Possible good combo would be "move/pull"