Do looks matter?
Wrote this around a month ago. Want to put this topic to rest
The question is rhetorical, this serves more as a personal reminder than anything else.
I am disappointed with myself. Disappointed with what I observed tonight. I still have traces of old, societal narratives bouncing around in my head after all these years.
Just got back from a club, it's my 2nd week hitting the clubs after a long layoff. Sufficed to say I'm getting rocked. But there is no issue with that. Par for the course. What I'm actually upset about is one of the excuses that hindered me tonight.
To give some context here, I got a job as a promoter. An amazing hook up, however the guys I'm working with also got several years on me, are taller, better looking, and are sorta scummy (some scummier than others). I let myself get stopped tonight. I was in set and the head of our team comes in. The girls gravitate towards him pretty quickly…
I got intimidated and blown out of a set because for a second I believed that due to his height and looks this guy was able to pull the girls off me.
I cannot express to you guys the whackness of this sort of thinking…
Here is what society says:
Tall, handsome, rich, famous men are the ones worthy of sex. When in truth if thrown against reality, much of this narrative collapses. It's about as real as a cardboard cut-out of your favourite boyband. I used to have bad game. I didn't even know it though. But I am fortunate enough to have had girls game me before.
What I will tell you is this, we as people make decisions based off emotion and rationalize them backwards (unless you took training bitch). What I had experienced was a girl, who was below what I considered my standard looks wise at the time, game the shit out of me. Had me enraptured, and captivated.
Looking back on it, I logically knew that I "could do better" in the looks department. But because those were my beliefs, once she had me hooked emotionally, I backwards rationalized that she was much hotter physically than she actually was. See the emotions I was feeling were legitimate. But I used my internal belief systems to validate what I was feeling.
Underlying belief that looks matter + I am feeling strong emotions towards this person = they must be good looking
This is a terribly shallow interpretation of reality. And I'm sure for many people it's a testament to their immaturity and inexperience. The same works the other way. I know what I'm working with. I'm handsome but I'm no model (even the handsome part might be delusional ;). I've had girls tell me how I'm “so good looking that they can't stay away from me”. These girls also happened to hold the belief that looks matter and happened to be enraptured by me. See the causation here?
We've also all been in that situation where we go up to a girl that we think is absolutely stunning only to go absolutely flaccid as soon as she's 2 sentences in. I know for a fact women experience the same struggle. Looks didn't matter tonight. The douche's height didn't matter tonight. Society approves of him right now. But that's a great excuse to keep myself unconscious and homeostatic.
Me not taking action > bad feeling in my body (cuz I know I bitched out) > excuse/rationalization: Oh, I couldn't have done anything different in that situation. Dude was good looking :,( cry me a river sunshine
I'm just disappointed that for a second I believed it. And that moment of weakness is all it took for me to get blown out. Stop the bullshit. We think for ourselves. We lead the pack. We see reality for what it truly is. Not what is sold to the masses. Hopefully more people wake up one day. I think it's already trending towards that. But until that moment. Take care of your own mind.
Don't let this nonsense hinder you.