Arousal Problems leading to LACK of Optimistic Persistence
Sat, 03/23/2013 - 03:30
Yo dudes! Right now I'm trying to work through a sticking point I've had for quite some time. A year ago anything would turn me on. A make out, a bit of physical contact ect.. At the moment I need a fuck ton to get turned on. Like her kissing my ear, touching my dick, grinding in a VERY sexual way ect... I do make girls do this but damn you can't make EVERY girl do this haha. Now I usually have a fuck ton of fun in the night but near the end if I'm not with a girl sometimes I think "I haven't even really been turned on once this entire night." It's like I'm in a state where I don't even give a FUCK if it leads to sex. The issue here is the intent isn't even there to get laid if I'm not turned on. Obviously if I don't have the intent the girl's not going to just jump on my dick. You have to want it to a degree for it happen.
I want to make a CHANGE here. A combination of a mindset change and new habits may be the answer here.
I've tried a bunch of shit so far...
-Watching porn but not jerking it before I go out
-Back on green smoothies
-Maca
Not really helping. There is NO greater spark for optimistic persistence than the desire to have fun while you're turned on.(state) Not some loser who's horny and creeping girls but showing sexual intent in a non needy way. A couple things I'm going to implement to try and help this:
-Bring legs back into the gym. I spent 6 months building upper body.
-Visualizing fucking a girl in the moment. It's so fucked...I know the power of this. I realize it every time I DON'T pull. I usually go home and when I go to bed if I don't pass out I'll start thinking about fucking the girl I wanted to. Get super turned on FAST. Crazy. Do you guys do this? I can see the other side of this that it snaps you out the moment. Maybe visualize at the start of the night and picture it in reverse. Ie. You pulling to the start of the night.
I'm aware that you can't expect to go out every night and be turned on but I know there are some things I can tweak to produce a better result. Another theory of mine is that I'm not TRULY relaxed in the venue. One thing I've noticed lately is when I check my shoulders they're tensed up. Last night I lowered my shoulders to a relaxed position around 5 times.
I could also be looking at this the wrong way completely. Another trait I've noticed is if I don't have sex in over 2 weeks my desire to have sex just goes to shit. It's really strange. It's like the desire is VERY strong when I'm getting laid but anything that interrupts for a long period of time will dwindle my sex drive. Like right now, I haven't had sex in around 3 weeks. This was mostly due to having surgery and recovery. I've had several opportunities since that time to hit up any of my fuck buddies but I keep declining. I'd rather read, work on myself, or work on my blog. I even got hit up by a two of my fuck buddies over the last week. I turned them down to do other shit. Not that I've been neglecting everything. I did just go on a date with a hot med student on Monday.
I seem to be in a super career focused mode right now. I noticed when I'm fucking on the regular that's all I'm doing. Like...all I do is fuck or go on dates. I start to cut back on a bunch of things I love because there isn't enough time in the day to work 10 hours, do necessary tasks(eat ect..), date, AND work on ones ambitions. I'm aware that this is also a problem of my own making. I don't have to work this corporate job. I am taking steps now to get out of this and into something that will give me more freedom with my time.
I think some of this translates to short term vs long term mating strategy. I know I'm VERY wired to long term mating strategy...so when I don't get laid for a period of time I slip into working on myself HARD and I LOVE it. The things I can do when I spend my time focusing on projects are AMAZING. When I'm getting laid on the regular my brain just says "s'all good you were busy." Maybe the solution to this is just to be AWARE of what's going on. I know if I do fuck one of my fuck buddies I'll slip right back into it.
Another factor here is that I don't drink anymore! When I used to drink I was a horny fiend! Then again, that was a year ago so I was a horny fiend regardless.
It's not that I'm slipping into super gay entertainment man. I'm still making out with hoes, saying sexual shit ect... It just has much less power behind it when you're not turned on. State transfers --> she gets turned on. I'm also not saying that I never get turned on. It's just not very frequent. It takes some crazy sexual shit or a crazy connection to get me going.
This is kind of a weird one but have any of you worked through something like this? Looking for some insight if anyone can relate.
I want to make a CHANGE here. A combination of a mindset change and new habits may be the answer here.
I've tried a bunch of shit so far...
-Watching porn but not jerking it before I go out
-Back on green smoothies
-Maca
Not really helping. There is NO greater spark for optimistic persistence than the desire to have fun while you're turned on.(state) Not some loser who's horny and creeping girls but showing sexual intent in a non needy way. A couple things I'm going to implement to try and help this:
-Bring legs back into the gym. I spent 6 months building upper body.
-Visualizing fucking a girl in the moment. It's so fucked...I know the power of this. I realize it every time I DON'T pull. I usually go home and when I go to bed if I don't pass out I'll start thinking about fucking the girl I wanted to. Get super turned on FAST. Crazy. Do you guys do this? I can see the other side of this that it snaps you out the moment. Maybe visualize at the start of the night and picture it in reverse. Ie. You pulling to the start of the night.
I'm aware that you can't expect to go out every night and be turned on but I know there are some things I can tweak to produce a better result. Another theory of mine is that I'm not TRULY relaxed in the venue. One thing I've noticed lately is when I check my shoulders they're tensed up. Last night I lowered my shoulders to a relaxed position around 5 times.
I could also be looking at this the wrong way completely. Another trait I've noticed is if I don't have sex in over 2 weeks my desire to have sex just goes to shit. It's really strange. It's like the desire is VERY strong when I'm getting laid but anything that interrupts for a long period of time will dwindle my sex drive. Like right now, I haven't had sex in around 3 weeks. This was mostly due to having surgery and recovery. I've had several opportunities since that time to hit up any of my fuck buddies but I keep declining. I'd rather read, work on myself, or work on my blog. I even got hit up by a two of my fuck buddies over the last week. I turned them down to do other shit. Not that I've been neglecting everything. I did just go on a date with a hot med student on Monday.
I seem to be in a super career focused mode right now. I noticed when I'm fucking on the regular that's all I'm doing. Like...all I do is fuck or go on dates. I start to cut back on a bunch of things I love because there isn't enough time in the day to work 10 hours, do necessary tasks(eat ect..), date, AND work on ones ambitions. I'm aware that this is also a problem of my own making. I don't have to work this corporate job. I am taking steps now to get out of this and into something that will give me more freedom with my time.
I think some of this translates to short term vs long term mating strategy. I know I'm VERY wired to long term mating strategy...so when I don't get laid for a period of time I slip into working on myself HARD and I LOVE it. The things I can do when I spend my time focusing on projects are AMAZING. When I'm getting laid on the regular my brain just says "s'all good you were busy." Maybe the solution to this is just to be AWARE of what's going on. I know if I do fuck one of my fuck buddies I'll slip right back into it.
Another factor here is that I don't drink anymore! When I used to drink I was a horny fiend! Then again, that was a year ago so I was a horny fiend regardless.
It's not that I'm slipping into super gay entertainment man. I'm still making out with hoes, saying sexual shit ect... It just has much less power behind it when you're not turned on. State transfers --> she gets turned on. I'm also not saying that I never get turned on. It's just not very frequent. It takes some crazy sexual shit or a crazy connection to get me going.
This is kind of a weird one but have any of you worked through something like this? Looking for some insight if anyone can relate.
Sat, 03/23/2013 - 05:42
#1
Jeffy and I both went through
Jeffy and I both went through this in similar fashion 4 or 5 years ago. I forgot what happened, sorry.
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male
Sat, 03/23/2013 - 10:38
#2
No worries buddy. I'll
No worries buddy. I'll figure it out. I just got back...pulled and fucked a girl with my wing. Feeling great. I think it's a mix of a whole bunch of things. Once you get desensitized to a lot of forms of sexual attention you have to find other ways to arouse yourself. When I was dancing with this girl all I was focusing on was being in the moment and enjoying her. Result --> Boner. Result of boner --> pull and fuck.
What's absolutely CRAZY is when I'm out I'm having a complete blast. Out of my head in nearly every way for most of the night. I'm out of my head but I'm not focused on anything.
When I FOCUS on the girl and become fully present to what I'm feeling it's not that hard....er I mean it is? :p
What's absolutely CRAZY is when I'm out I'm having a complete blast. Out of my head in nearly every way for most of the night. I'm out of my head but I'm not focused on anything.
When I FOCUS on the girl and become fully present to what I'm feeling it's not that hard....er I mean it is? :p
Sat, 03/23/2013 - 11:42
#3
Yes that's pretty much it. I
Yes that's pretty much it. I found the best way to do it was to link my "charisma" (if that's what you want to call it) to something that had nothing to do with seduction. That way I was doing it for me, and not for something external (pussy) that was slowing down in its ability to inspire me. Not taking away from women here at all, because they're in the same boat.. they could not care less about guys or getting laid, and we end up getting to the same place. This is also why I designed the training/drills the way I did.. to bring out of you the funny dominant part. That's not a sales pitch that's the truth ;)
__________________
I go in and I'm crisp, clean and my vocals are fucking coming out like music. - Anonymous MW student
- Autismus Terminus Finis (Root Cause/Cure of Autism Epidemic)
- Called Off My Wedding & Other Turn Tail Signs Of The American Male