Displaying Dissaproval Increases Attraction, Decreases Flakiness
October 26, 2014
Social Psychology has a strange tendency to be counterintuitive, especially when it comes to attracting women. Culture and customs condition us towards automated communication, even if it’s kind of fake or phony.
“How’s your day?”
The person asking doesn’t care and the person responding is doing so robotically. Becoming an attractive man is about saying what you authentic, not what’s automated. Sure, at work it’s best to do what’s “normal” (avoid being a target if money is involved) but outside of that, you should hold yourself to a higher standard of expressing the truth.
With women this is crucial because it sets you apart from those who are friend-zoned. Women friend zone those who still feel the need to walk on eggshells around her or treat her too highly, politely using social customs and not being too provocative I.E. being predictable, normal, standard and boring. They are not being a CHALLENGE to the girl. They like her by default, thinking intuitively that liking her, complimenting her, and accepting her for who she is going to make her like them. WRONG!
Not being a challenge to a girl is like slathering yourself with friend zone butter, extra smooth! It’s boring for her. When someone blindly accepts you it feels fake. You’re accepting her based on something superficial like her looks. To look good for a young woman really requires no skill or talent. They may look half as good tomorrow morning. To project that she’s some goddess and not just a person, works against your best interest.
This brings me to an important point; there are beautiful girls out there who can fuck your life up like a savage animal. There are girls out there that will prick your condoms because they think a baby will answer all there problems. There are girls who have never done a day of introspection or self-questioning in their life and will suck you into a world of mediocrity. Some have stolen money from ex-boyfriends. Some deep down, hate men, hate life, and just want to stay victims. WAKE UP! Don’t treat all beautiful women like they’re worthy of fawning over because they’re actually not.
Regardless of building attraction or being a challenge. Its good know who you’re dumping your semen into. More men than we would want to know have had unwanted babies, with bitches who ruined their lives. The stakes are actually real. Testing her character is for you primarily. It’s for your own mental and emotional health, as well as seeing if you have chemistry together. Even if she’s not completely insane she might be unintelligent, boring, mean, dishonest, flaky etc. Most women aren’t going to be that crazy but everyone has their moments of stupidity, be willing to call women out on it.
There’s a joke I heard that being a woman is like having endless coolers of hot dogs everywhere you go, that you can take from at any moment. That’s an analogy of how much available dick beautiful women can have. They could spend their life riding one dick after another and would never be able to ride everyone willing. This is why it’s crucial to present yourself as a challenge. Display to her that you have standards, and express disapproval if she acts against those standards that you’ve set for yourself. Become the hot dog she has to work for and she wants to see again.
There’s a disclaimer to this; if you come off too strong and serious with a form of disapproval at the wrong time you can come off controlling as well as too invested in the outcome of the interaction. The antidote to coming off too invested is to show disapproval playfully. What I often do is ASSUME stuff about her character playfully, or SUGGEST she might have negative qualities. Often I form these accusations as questions.
You’re disapproval should be subtly guided to bettering her as a person, seeing if she fits into your reality and making her laugh. Also you want to exchange numbers only if she has proven herself to be worthy of seeing again. The number’s solidity increases if she feels she’s passed a test.
“Ugh, you eat that crap?”
“Seriously, did you just do that?”
“You always go to the club on weekdays?”
“Are you the type of girl that just leads on every guy in your life to feel better about yourself?”
“You don’t know who John Lennon is, are you retarded?”
“Oh, you do that, I don’t think we can be friends”
“Do you even have any passions or interests?”
“You’re cute but so are a lot of girls in LA, if you weren’t interesting to me I might not be talking to you right now”
“You’re a hipster, aren’t you? I bet even now you’re thinking of PBR and feathers”
If they display bratty behavior “hmm I get the sense you could be one of those spoiled club girls that lack responsibility”
All statements of this type have a place and a time but there intention is to imply that you have standards and you’re not afraid to call her out. She’ll laugh at most statements like this but sometimes they can be a little more confrontational. The more heavy ones will feel kind of DTR, you act like you don’t know where you stand on seeing her again based on something she did/say/thinks.
To try and gain back your approval, women will often agree with your statements, start telling you stories of the charity work they’ve done, their accomplishments, their goals, or how they’re in the process of making positive changes, etc. etc. If this is happening you know you’re accurately displaying yourself as a man with standards. Basically they’re investing and chasing to fit into your reality.
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Often my attitude with women is one of teasing skepticism about their character. Suggesting that she might not be who she represents herself and maybe she even has really bad qualities. It actually makes the interaction really fun, she’ll open up way more and you can find out a lot about her pretty fast. A reminder that it’s important to praise and tastefully acknowledge the cool things about her.
By applying this mentality you can maintain a huge edge over other guys because no other men actively test and challenge women! Most men are out there treating her like a goddess and trying to fit into HER reality. Deep down women want a man that is willing to call a spade a spade. If you are able to properly express disapproval and your own standards to women they will feel lucky to be around someone who is authentically masculine. If you set the bar high, she will try to jump up to it and that’s what you want. She even is likely to be more honest within the relationship later down the line because she knows you demand it.
Another common mistake is starting to revert to non-challenging behavior too early in a relationship. You don’t want to stop the testing game until you’ve had sex and even into the relationship….in fact, you never want to really stop testing her. Trust me she will NEVER stop testing you. Women get bored fast, and women can easily get bored of a relationship if she never feels challenged by it.
Friction is your friend in attraction. If the dates are going perfect you want to actively throw a monkey wrench into the whole operation from time to time. Every girly movie or song has an element of chaos. There’s always conflict and a point of almost losing everything. Women enjoy a roller coaster of emotions and if you don’t supply them with such, they can even satisfy that chaotic emotional need by sleeping with someone else. That’s why the story of the girl who can’t leave her alcoholic asshole of a boyfriend is a universal one, he provides her with constant ups and downs. Not that you should aim for dysfunction, but it’s telling of the female psyche.
Think of a Rihanna song, it is laden with rejection and yearning for that guy that keeps emotionally pushing her away and pulling her back…and guess what, all girls know every word to those songs.
Real people have friction with each other and it’s understandable that for her to fit into your reality there may be some turbulence. She digs it, she wants it… alarmingly, more than she wants your dick. The bigger the challenge you are the better, she’ll obsess over guys who introduce the right type of emotional challenge into a relationship.
As good as the initial interaction or date was, there’s still a string of other guys she has around; flings, friends with benefits, other suitors, not to mention ex-boyfriends trying desperately to get back into her life. Unless you’re a famous movie star chances are she could do without her number of guys she’s slept with pointlessly going up. Without arousing her emotions it’s all but too easy to fall to the sidelines as another hot dog she has no investment in.
I went on a perfect date with this girl, it was romantic, fun, and different. She stayed at my house for hour’s afterword and she made it clear she wanted to see me again. Not to mention she gave me head. A few busy weeks later, I hit her up to meet again, she was vague and dismissive. She blew me off and said to try again next week. I was shocked after how well the first date went. I realized things went a little TOO well, she knew I wanted to see her again, she knew if she did we’d have a fun time and have sex and it was all so boringly predictable for her. The emotional connection and friction had sizzled out and I was no challenge and no source of emotional stimulation. She could relax watch a movie instead of going through all that predictable effort, or go to the club with girlfriends or better yet call a previous fling and keep her life less complicated.
It may be intuitive for someone to say something like “hey I felt like we had a great connection, I’d like to see you again”. In dating world that would be tantamount to jumping right into the limitless cooler of hot dogs and closing the lid. I had to regain the emotional investment on her part, and I did so by displaying disapproval and teasing her. I found something to jump on as disapproval fodder in her text, she partied too hard the past weekend. I used this as an opportunity to remind her that I’m a man of standards and not just another hot dog. I said that for all I know she could be THAT girl who needs to be wheel chaired from the club. This is a funny statement (non-attached to outcome) that still accuses her of something negative. I subtly made it clear that I had disapproved of an action of hers and her tone did a 180 degree turn and started chasing my approval again. I told her subconsciously that I’m not a pushover and I’m willing to drop her like she’s hot if I don’t approve of her actions.
Suddenly I wasn’t predictable, I wasn’t someone who she could flake around with without consequences and she happily agreed to meet up when I suggested.
This also gives me eternal material to tease her with as you’ll see in the texts a bit…I can call her party girl, train wreck, hot mess, I have tease material that she will think is hilarious for the rest of the relationship…”oh that’s just your inner party girl coming out, I’m not listening” etc. etc.
Here’s certain segments of a back and forth but not all of it. I stick to the script of teasing her for being a druggie club type of chick. I’m playfully engaging her (unattached) but also challenging her in a subtle way. You can see her buying temperature for seeing me again went up dramatically.
Me: Hey, lets adventure tomorrow night. You free?
Giirl – 2 hrs 58 mins later: Heeey sorry been at work.
Giirl: I’m so wiped from New York I need a week of just no drinking and lots of yoga. Try me next week.
Me – 51 mins later: Sounds like you got white girl wasted. Hope you werent THAT girl who left the club in a wheelchair!
Me – 2 mins later: For all I know you could be THAT club girl
Giirl – 11 mins later: I did a lot of drugs one night which feels like it takes a few days to fully come down from ahh and just like restaurant- hotel hopped. Stayed out late a
Giirl: nd too much unhealthy food. Just the vacay life.
Giirl: Hahah I always keep it classy
Me – 10 mins later: Smh. Whatd u take ecstacy? That takes 3 – 5 days to kind of get your energy back
Giirl – 1 min later: Yeaaah coke and Molly and lots of whiskey. I slept most of the next day. That’s like a once a year type thing
Me – 8 mins later: Haha so you totally got white girl wasted
Me: Yeah im not really about that life anymore. Cant afford to be fucked up for a few days
Me: Its a good mix tho I cant lie
Giirl: … I totally got white girl wasted
Giirl: Ya same, but in New York I really wanted to for one night ��
Giirl: We went to a deep house venue and danced till 4am it was glorious
Me – 1 min later: Ahh to be 16 again! Sounds amazing
Giirl – 1 min later: Haha to be 23 😉
Me: You poor young girl, ignorant of the wonders of older life ;p
Giirl – 7 mins later: It’s crazy though
Me: Still I dont really condone that behavior ;p
Giirl: I don’t either!
Giirl: And besides that all I do is drink wine. And smoke weed. I’m a good
Giirl: No matter what thirty -something’s say
Giirl: I literally do that like once a year
Giirl: girl ��
Me: Suurrrree. ^youre so high you cant finish your sentences!
Giirl – 2 mins later: I smoked a cigarette today and it made me nostalgic. I felt 14 again. I took two drags and put it in my backpack. It was weird.
Giirl: I am most certainly finished my sentences Mr.! ��
Giirl: Someone had to know about that and I chose YOU
Me – 2 mins later: Am I supposed to feel special. Why back in your bag? Ur weird
Me – 1 min later: Did I influence this return to smoking? Haha
Giirl: Haha I have no idea you’re right I should have thrown it away. Maybe was saving for later?
Giirl: Just kidding
Giirl: I think it was New York, don’t feel too special ;p
Giirl: You want it? Haha
Me: These drugs are clouding your mind, making you put cigarettes in your stuff. Yeah I want it
Giirl – 1 min later: Hahaha I’ll tie a bow around it, make it all sexy and shit
Me – 8 mins later: So I dunno about next week im fairly busy. But maybe we could do something light like a movie. Hows monday?
Giirl – 2 mins later: Hahah you’re a nut but I like it. Mondays perfect 🙂
Another gorgeous girl flaked on me once to go hang out with her friends. It wasn’t that big of a deal but I had already felt the relationship becoming too easy for her, it was becoming unchallenging and predictable. Like I was just a hot dog she could grab any time. So instead of brushing it off or acting offended (generally acting offended lowers your value and makes women annoyed.) I made it imply something about her character.
I suggested (not accused. there’s a big difference because suggesting gives her the chance to correct and defend herself, while accusing makes her defensive and pissy) that she was perhaps “one of those flaky girls that can’t take commitments to people seriously” I expressed disappointment in her character and implied that if she truly was this type of person, we probably shouldn’t see each other anymore. Reason being I surround myself with people I can count on.
She felt misunderstood, challenged and taken aback, obviously she wanted to correct herself in my eyes and since the relationship was going well enough and she liked me, my value was magnified. She ended up buying me dinner and being very generous in the bedroom the next time we met up 😉
Another girl I had been on a couple of dates with and she was really difficult to crack, resisting all escalation. On the second or third date I managed to go down on her for a short time. I could tell this girl was into me. But again the interaction was losing its steam since the dates were spaced out and I had to start over again each time we hung out. I sensed all the effort exerted on my part was becoming unattractive and coming off as me chasing her, making her less hesitant to be sexual. Her texts got less consistent and her reply’s became increasingly vague. After noticing this, I decided her actions seemed selfish to me. I said something to this effect;
I think you’re cool but I’m starting to suspect your just one of those girls that likes to lead guys on, maybe to make yourself feel better, I don’t know but I’m not falling for it. I knew she liked me enough that this assumption would affect her. She swore she wasn’t that type of person, she just didn’t want to move too fast and was very sorry for coming off as selfish. I replied skeptically in a way that implied I learned something negative about her real self, but that I’d give her another chance. Needless to say, the next date there was no problem in getting her to “return the favor”.
So the message is to have high standards and express them. Some men see this behavior as manipulative. To them I say, have fun among the thousands of other consistently untouched hot dogs. Usually it’s people that unconsciously DO manipulate women the most who have a problem with this. “Nice guys” often get angry when they’re supplicating behavior doesn’t get rewarded. These men are often bitter against players and women because they follow a societal standard on how to get laid and when it doesn’t work they blame the world not themselves.
To our success,