Passing Shit Tests: Simply a matter of not being attached to the outcome: A how to
Thu, 06/28/2012 - 19:39
So, I'm not saying I'm great this or anything, like guys, I've been going out sober and solo for like 5 nights lol so take it for what it is, seriously. All I can say is that what I'm about to write is simply based on observations about myself, so maybe they will apply to you, maybe not, but I will say that my internal shit is pretty dialed right now. I'm icy as fuck and I'm realizing that the emotional ups and downs that I used to have in the game were purely a result of the alcohol.
Without the alcohol, I take everything that happens in stride and I learn from it. There are good and bad things that happen every night. Things I do well and things I need to improve on. The ego just isn't a part of this- for true progress, the ego has to be set aside so you can allow yourself to be completely open and embracing of failure.
Anyway- One thing I realized is that passing shit tests, seems to be, in large part, a direct product of how detached from the outcome you are. The best way to pass a shit test is for it to TRULY not alter your internal state, at all. If that is the case, there is no longer the question that you see COUNTLESS times on RSDnation of, "How do I pass a shittest" etc. etc.
That question becomes completely IRRELEVENT because you no longer are TRYING to pass it. Passing a shittest simply comes down to expressing yourself fully. Since it does not bother you in the slightest, internally, you show that with your eyes and by just being like, "Okay" or ignoring it entirely. So, how do you get to a point where you truly don't care, on the inside? You become the kind of guy who is not attached to the outcome of any particular interaction.
How do you become the kind of guy who is not attached to any particular interaction? Well, folks, that's something, the answer to which, I just stumbled upon while doin some random thinking.
it's not a magic pill. So, sorry to tell you that much : /... It's not some outter game, tactic of just being like, "Yeah. Eye contact. Yeah, just ignore it"... Nope. What I'm about to tell you may actually take you YEARS to develop, depending on where you are. You may NEVER develop what I'm about to tell you, if you're not truly dedicated to improving and evolving and understanding yourself.
The answer is:
You become so grounded in your values, so grounded in your principles, that your reason for going out each night is PRINCIPLE centered and not PEOPLE centered.
You go out each night because you recognize that being afraid of talking to girls is bullshit. You go out each night because you realize that being the kind of guy who, for the rest of his life, has to drink alcohol just to deal with talking to girls, is aboslutely not in line with who you want to be. You go out each night because you WANT to walk through the fire. You go out each night because you WANT to evolve. You go out each night because you WANT to relate to girls in the authentic way you used to do before all the bullshti hit the fan. You go out each night because you WANT to develop core confidence.
You go out each night, not because you want some short term, gimme-fuck but because you are invested in your principles and in improving yourself and because going out each night you go out improves every area of your life. When this shit becomes principle centered, it no longer takes away from everything else. When this shit becomes principle centered, it begins to positively effect every area of your life. You're internal sense of self, your external expression of that and you're ability to UNDERSTAND where a girl is coming from- all of this begins to work in lockstep. There are no more contradictions, it's all pointed in one direction.
EVERYTHING in your life benefits. You eat healthy, you work out, you meditate, you do yoga, you take fish oil pills, you take garlic pills, you read, you get the job you want, you get the apartment you want- Everything in your life is IMPROVED by a very simple, but absolutely IMPERATIVE shift in your focus, in your center.
But getting to a point where you have this. Getting to a point where you go out because of your principles, because of your DESIRE to walk through the fire and become a man... THAT takes time. THAT takes failures. THAT takes a lot of bullshit- for some people.
Maybe you're reading this and you're like... well... duh! haha well in that case, all I can say is- Fuckin awesome, man! But I can say that for me, to get to THIS exact point took years... But now that I'm here....
Yeah...
You bet your ass. I'm not turning back. It's a matter of principles, of values- it's a matter of being who I want to be.
and THAT is how you pass a shit test, gentleman.
Without the alcohol, I take everything that happens in stride and I learn from it. There are good and bad things that happen every night. Things I do well and things I need to improve on. The ego just isn't a part of this- for true progress, the ego has to be set aside so you can allow yourself to be completely open and embracing of failure.
Anyway- One thing I realized is that passing shit tests, seems to be, in large part, a direct product of how detached from the outcome you are. The best way to pass a shit test is for it to TRULY not alter your internal state, at all. If that is the case, there is no longer the question that you see COUNTLESS times on RSDnation of, "How do I pass a shittest" etc. etc.
That question becomes completely IRRELEVENT because you no longer are TRYING to pass it. Passing a shittest simply comes down to expressing yourself fully. Since it does not bother you in the slightest, internally, you show that with your eyes and by just being like, "Okay" or ignoring it entirely. So, how do you get to a point where you truly don't care, on the inside? You become the kind of guy who is not attached to the outcome of any particular interaction.
How do you become the kind of guy who is not attached to any particular interaction? Well, folks, that's something, the answer to which, I just stumbled upon while doin some random thinking.
it's not a magic pill. So, sorry to tell you that much : /... It's not some outter game, tactic of just being like, "Yeah. Eye contact. Yeah, just ignore it"... Nope. What I'm about to tell you may actually take you YEARS to develop, depending on where you are. You may NEVER develop what I'm about to tell you, if you're not truly dedicated to improving and evolving and understanding yourself.
The answer is:
You become so grounded in your values, so grounded in your principles, that your reason for going out each night is PRINCIPLE centered and not PEOPLE centered.
You go out each night because you recognize that being afraid of talking to girls is bullshit. You go out each night because you realize that being the kind of guy who, for the rest of his life, has to drink alcohol just to deal with talking to girls, is aboslutely not in line with who you want to be. You go out each night because you WANT to walk through the fire. You go out each night because you WANT to evolve. You go out each night because you WANT to relate to girls in the authentic way you used to do before all the bullshti hit the fan. You go out each night because you WANT to develop core confidence.
You go out each night, not because you want some short term, gimme-fuck but because you are invested in your principles and in improving yourself and because going out each night you go out improves every area of your life. When this shit becomes principle centered, it no longer takes away from everything else. When this shit becomes principle centered, it begins to positively effect every area of your life. You're internal sense of self, your external expression of that and you're ability to UNDERSTAND where a girl is coming from- all of this begins to work in lockstep. There are no more contradictions, it's all pointed in one direction.
EVERYTHING in your life benefits. You eat healthy, you work out, you meditate, you do yoga, you take fish oil pills, you take garlic pills, you read, you get the job you want, you get the apartment you want- Everything in your life is IMPROVED by a very simple, but absolutely IMPERATIVE shift in your focus, in your center.
But getting to a point where you have this. Getting to a point where you go out because of your principles, because of your DESIRE to walk through the fire and become a man... THAT takes time. THAT takes failures. THAT takes a lot of bullshit- for some people.
Maybe you're reading this and you're like... well... duh! haha well in that case, all I can say is- Fuckin awesome, man! But I can say that for me, to get to THIS exact point took years... But now that I'm here....
Yeah...
You bet your ass. I'm not turning back. It's a matter of principles, of values- it's a matter of being who I want to be.
and THAT is how you pass a shit test, gentleman.
Thu, 06/28/2012 - 20:06
#1
Re: Passing Shit Tests
@buddhagames:
I agree fully. I've come to the point where I kinda convince myself that tests don't exist, just questions directed towards me.
I don't think the process needs to take years, more like it depends on how attached you are to your ego. For some people it takes months instead. But the first step imo is to realize that what you think is the real you is actually false.
Good post!
I agree fully. I've come to the point where I kinda convince myself that tests don't exist, just questions directed towards me.
I don't think the process needs to take years, more like it depends on how attached you are to your ego. For some people it takes months instead. But the first step imo is to realize that what you think is the real you is actually false.
Good post!
Thu, 06/28/2012 - 20:11
#2
Re: Passing Shit Tests
@Wonder:
Yeah, for me, to get to a point where I am as committed to my values and sense of self, took years. I had a VERY strong ego though. So yeah, that's that.
And yeah man, you hit it- you have to have a commitment to your values AND a willingness to understand that what you are currently doing is false and is covering up the real issue.
Yeah, for me, to get to a point where I am as committed to my values and sense of self, took years. I had a VERY strong ego though. So yeah, that's that.
And yeah man, you hit it- you have to have a commitment to your values AND a willingness to understand that what you are currently doing is false and is covering up the real issue.
Thu, 06/28/2012 - 23:27
#3
Re: Passing Shit Tests:
@buddhagames:
Once again great post. I have trouble with this right now at my work. My boss's give me shit- (I've been a few minutes late to a couple of things and act pretty independently of the group here) and I stand up for myself unlike my supplicative coworkers who have the tonality of mice (with our bosses).
Basically I think they see that I act on my own values which are different than theirs, and so they have to be "careful" with me and watch over me and what I am doing.
Like for instance:
I was with my group of kids, and my partner counselor was taking a couple of them inside to use the bathroom, the rest were going to stay with me. Well as soon as she goes in they all decide they need to use the bathroom too. So they all run in. We are supposed to ALWAYS stay with our kids so I follow them inside. I wait in the room adjacent to the bathroom, by the door they entered. I wait like 3-4 minutes and begin wondering where they are, and then hear one of my bosses ask "who's with these kids" and think in my head FUCK they must have gone out the other door. So at this point I am standing in the doorway to the porch looking outside, pretending like I am looking for my kids (fucking dumb idea). and my boss is like "Your kids are out here" and im like "oh" and walk outside.
*stern* "What were you doing in there"
And I give him this emotional response: "Hanging out in there we were all just in there." And go to my kids. He stares me down like I just killed his mother. I break eye contact first.
What I SHOULD have done, if I was acting on PRINCIPLE and because I did NOTHING wrong... (In fact I was just trying to do my job RIGHT by following them inside):
Give him deadpan look like *are you fucking serious?* and said slowly and firmly: "I went inside with them, waiting for them to get done using the bathroom."
And that's it thats all there is to it. If he had questioned me further I would tell him "they must have gone out the other door from the one we came in"
But really, this is totally what you're talking about. Because if I hadn't allowed it to emotionally effect me, I wouldn't have blurted out an emotional response. It's like i was emotionally hurt by the fact that he was judging that I wasnt doing my job right and I'm feeling "the fucking NERVE of this guy!" when really i just need to cool it, realize that the outcome does not matter (even being fired) but what does matter is that I act on what I know is right (principle).
and another example, today we were having water wars. This one girl kept chasing me and getting me wet (no pun intended). So she ends up doing zumba a little bit away from where we were playing earlier. (this is only like 5 min later she is still soaking wet). So i fill up a bucket of water and slowly walk up behind the zumba-ers. Two of the counselors who apparently HATE fun turn around and are like "What are you doing??" as if I'm like breaking some infallible camp code or something. I just keep walking toward my girl. Then they're like, "you're not allowed to have water over here."
I'm thinking "the fuck??? who deemed yall cold hearted bitch 1 & 2," but i hesitate, and the girl turns around. I lose the element of surprise and barely get any water on her whereas if I would have just dumped it on her and ignored those sourpuss bitches it would have been MONEY$$$.
And on top of that the girl was smiling when she saw what I was doing. OF COURSE SHE WAS. We had been soaking each other w water like 3 min earlier. It's called a fucking GAME. It's like we're at fucking camp bitch how about we have some fun.
Anyways im done ranting and I wrote this up for myself mainly but your post here is really making me think about situations that I've been running into, and how right you are.
Like really, I would rather be fired from this dumb job which doesnt even pay well than to lose sight of who the fuck I am. An independent fucking thinker who is COOLER and BETTER than all these other counselors.
Sorry guys usually I dont talk like this but this really got under my skin today. I mean this girl was trying to tell me not to get a girl wet because she "doesnt want to be wet" when this girl was literally already SOAKING wet water dripping everywhere. Pissed me the fuck off.
Once again great post. I have trouble with this right now at my work. My boss's give me shit- (I've been a few minutes late to a couple of things and act pretty independently of the group here) and I stand up for myself unlike my supplicative coworkers who have the tonality of mice (with our bosses).
Basically I think they see that I act on my own values which are different than theirs, and so they have to be "careful" with me and watch over me and what I am doing.
Like for instance:
I was with my group of kids, and my partner counselor was taking a couple of them inside to use the bathroom, the rest were going to stay with me. Well as soon as she goes in they all decide they need to use the bathroom too. So they all run in. We are supposed to ALWAYS stay with our kids so I follow them inside. I wait in the room adjacent to the bathroom, by the door they entered. I wait like 3-4 minutes and begin wondering where they are, and then hear one of my bosses ask "who's with these kids" and think in my head FUCK they must have gone out the other door. So at this point I am standing in the doorway to the porch looking outside, pretending like I am looking for my kids (fucking dumb idea). and my boss is like "Your kids are out here" and im like "oh" and walk outside.
*stern* "What were you doing in there"
And I give him this emotional response: "Hanging out in there we were all just in there." And go to my kids. He stares me down like I just killed his mother. I break eye contact first.
What I SHOULD have done, if I was acting on PRINCIPLE and because I did NOTHING wrong... (In fact I was just trying to do my job RIGHT by following them inside):
Give him deadpan look like *are you fucking serious?* and said slowly and firmly: "I went inside with them, waiting for them to get done using the bathroom."
And that's it thats all there is to it. If he had questioned me further I would tell him "they must have gone out the other door from the one we came in"
But really, this is totally what you're talking about. Because if I hadn't allowed it to emotionally effect me, I wouldn't have blurted out an emotional response. It's like i was emotionally hurt by the fact that he was judging that I wasnt doing my job right and I'm feeling "the fucking NERVE of this guy!" when really i just need to cool it, realize that the outcome does not matter (even being fired) but what does matter is that I act on what I know is right (principle).
and another example, today we were having water wars. This one girl kept chasing me and getting me wet (no pun intended). So she ends up doing zumba a little bit away from where we were playing earlier. (this is only like 5 min later she is still soaking wet). So i fill up a bucket of water and slowly walk up behind the zumba-ers. Two of the counselors who apparently HATE fun turn around and are like "What are you doing??" as if I'm like breaking some infallible camp code or something. I just keep walking toward my girl. Then they're like, "you're not allowed to have water over here."
I'm thinking "the fuck??? who deemed yall cold hearted bitch 1 & 2," but i hesitate, and the girl turns around. I lose the element of surprise and barely get any water on her whereas if I would have just dumped it on her and ignored those sourpuss bitches it would have been MONEY$$$.
And on top of that the girl was smiling when she saw what I was doing. OF COURSE SHE WAS. We had been soaking each other w water like 3 min earlier. It's called a fucking GAME. It's like we're at fucking camp bitch how about we have some fun.
Anyways im done ranting and I wrote this up for myself mainly but your post here is really making me think about situations that I've been running into, and how right you are.
Like really, I would rather be fired from this dumb job which doesnt even pay well than to lose sight of who the fuck I am. An independent fucking thinker who is COOLER and BETTER than all these other counselors.
Sorry guys usually I dont talk like this but this really got under my skin today. I mean this girl was trying to tell me not to get a girl wet because she "doesnt want to be wet" when this girl was literally already SOAKING wet water dripping everywhere. Pissed me the fuck off.
Thu, 06/28/2012 - 23:30
#4
Re: Passing Shit Tests:
@Alex123:
I think a big thing I need to work on is taking my time to react, instead of acting on my emotional response.
But that kind of goes against what you're saying about having no emotional response to begin with because you are so grounded in you're own principles, so idk.
I think a big thing I need to work on is taking my time to react, instead of acting on my emotional response.
But that kind of goes against what you're saying about having no emotional response to begin with because you are so grounded in you're own principles, so idk.
Sat, 07/07/2012 - 00:49
#5
ached to the outcome: A how to
Good point Alex. Always stay on YOUR track, don't let some guy get you all defensive about what HE's thinking. You've already set yourself up for failure because you have NO idea what he's thinking and are lost from the get-go. Stay on track.
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Sat, 07/07/2012 - 12:21
#6
Re: ached to the outcome: A how to
@Manwhore:
This.
Last night me and wing kinda fell out over some chick, and he said somethin that could've pissed me off and got under my skin a few years back. I shrugged it off, forgave him, and carried on pimpin.
This.
Last night me and wing kinda fell out over some chick, and he said somethin that could've pissed me off and got under my skin a few years back. I shrugged it off, forgave him, and carried on pimpin.