DISCLAIMER: The topics and details discussed in this video are a result of the culmination of hundreds of clients and students passing through my cognitive-behavioral training program, with THOUSANDS of hours of discussion and skills development. I am speaking and describing certain emotional and mental patterns and behaviors described by hundreds of students and clients. It is a culmination of a huge breadth of first-hand knowledge and experience. It is NOT any sort of personal description. Becoming fluent, or “good”, with women can be one of the most terrifying and taxing self-development processes most men will ever go through. The primal brain will sometimes, especially in the beginning, work overtime in such circumstances and “ordeals” to shut down and sabotage “best practices”.
Beginner to Intermediate: Step #1 “Instituting Best Efforts”
One of the biggest improvements you make when learning and developing from beginner to intermediate stage in “game” skills development, is when you start being able to consistently put forth your “Best Effort” in social situations. A lot of guys do not do this naturally when learning to meet and mingle with women. They’ll invariably trip themselves up over a seemingly invisible barrier of mental/emotional/physiological exchange that leaves them floundering and unfamiliar with “what to do next”.
Tiny little inconsequential things that appear as mistakes in guys’ minds also slow them down and shut them out from proper right action by cutting off mental access to positive thought and behavioral patterns that shape better outcomes. This of course leads to a further cascading effect of self-negating behavior. The premise being that if you think you’re in danger, you’re not going to be acting very sure of yourself, or be able to properly identify social cues, handle logistics easily, handle women’s arousing emotions, or lead a woman to further intimacy with you. Genuinely these might seem like some of the hardest things in the world at that point.
And if you think romance should “just happen naturally” without any planning or intent going into it, you are deluded. Relationships take effort. Seduction is ongoing. And guys are typically terrible at both at first.
Dating and intimacy with women isn’t the only area that falls into this category of bizarre tendency to self-sabotage, but it’s definitely something that leaves guys more self-conscious than usual. Everybody seems to want to forget this is a VERY complicated and sensitive area. A LOT of guys fake having this down and really aren’t competent at ALL with women or relationshps. There are plenty of current news stories that speak to this.
Now this doesn’t have to be that difficult to achieve, or even a significant issue. Some guys hit their stride in this area quite easily. But yes some guys do take longer, have more of an initial tendency to trip themselves up or act clumsy with women. But it’s important to understand there’s plenty of causal factors for this, and MUCH of it is not through any fault of their own. Plus.. some people put on an act of being offended.. as a front. Social intimidation is simply another game you have to figure out that ends up being harmless the vast majority of the time.
Remember, this skill set is doable for everyone.
Micro-Managing.. At FIRST
This leads me to an important point in discussing these subtle nuances of emotional and mental control. My perspective on this comes from personally teaching and training HUNDREDS of guys over the years. Not group settings, not conferences or videos, but actually personally building and training and pushing guys through their journey of seductive self-actualization. So after years of having to describe in excruciating detail the processes they will go through emotionally and mentally, from second to second, in dozens of potential scenarios, all while demonstrating and improving through a range of emotional neuro-linguistic skills, both internal and external, there’s a lot of typifying and describing of mental head spaces, thought patterns, even neurological and physiological activity that seems foreign to most people. There’s certainly a higher level of scrutiny taking place here than most are familiar or even comfortable with.
Not to say this takes THAT much micro-managing, but sometimes it does, and especially for guys starting out encountering new environments or interacting with a woman they’re really into. Which happens a LOT. And hostile social situations do occur from time to time. Some people DO act shitty, aggressive, ill-tempered, insulting, etc. All these require and necessitate a type of “feedback” loop that most guys take a lot of time and effort figuring out in the beginning.
What’s being described in the video are split second responses to stimuli in the environment. Essentially we’re putting a name and face to something that everyone experiences instantly during social interactions or other “intimidating” situations but that for most people takes place below the veil of conscious thought. In the case of newbies this ends up working to sabotage their desire to put forth their “best effort”. Even simple social tasks like having a conversation with a woman can seem rather daunting.
Anyway.. that’s the disclaimer.
The skill set is learning to release yourself from these negative behavioral patterns and revolving mental frames, and free yourself to relax and enjoy the situation, open yourself up to new social experiences, and choose to apply yourself in more effective and charismatic ways.