Need help with this girl

Hello friends , I am new here .

I am here to share a story and also ask for help . So let's begin !

June 2017 : I was with an old friend at a party (María ,23yo ,blonde) she was in a relatioship and I thought she was happy but that night was drunk as hell .. I sat next to her (important: she is in wheelchair since her childhood) , immediately she started touching me and saying things like "I need a real men to make me forget my boyfriend" , minutes later she kissed me and I continued. But somehow I was shocked and ran away (literally , ran back home) . The next morning she texted me "Oh damn I am so sorry for the kiss , Do not hate me . I couldn't avoid it and I was drunk" . Since this point , I used to behave 100% beta mode.. like a 14yo teenager with those "ohh sweetheart , princess , i love u etc etc.." (I bet this is why the relationship is now dead).

Suprise ! 3 days later she asked me to hang out and have dinner.. She was really nervous and at the end she told me "I don't want a boyfriend , I am searching only for friends , only friends" . So okay , I went back home and forgot about the topic .

Only a week later I was in Finland visiting some friends and family (5000km away from this babe) , And I started receiving hearts and selfies from her , and also questions .. like: hey how are you doing , my traveller? :) . I was confused .. But I though it was normal. I was coming back to Spain , the last night in Finland she sends me a long text , basically saying : " I think I am ready to tell you , But we could try to date and see what happens , we only need love and that might bring a good relationship" DAMN SON ! I LITERALLY SPIT THE COFFEE !

Came back to our city ASAP and met her .. We used to kiss .. kiss a lot ,maybe for 3 hours . I made a mistake , she put my hand over her breasts .. My reaction ? I took my hand away , instead I took her hand .. and kissed it (yea like those gentlemans from the 40s) .. DAMN I WAS NERVOUS , I GET TOO ROMANTIC AND CHILDISH WHEN I AM NERVOUS . She looked a bit surprised/scared ...

The very next day , I got a text saying "we had to talk " basically told me she didn't felt ready so we were better as friends. I didn't accept and persisted for months being a romantic. This obviously crashed , and she told me one day " It is better we stay away from each other for a time" . (This was between August-September 2017)

October 2017 .. There we go , I realize the "romantic-sweetie" mode was even killing our friendship , So I switched to a "baddy teenager" mode .. I used to text her , at first she was like " Do you honestly think you are ready to talk again with me? " I said yes .. and she started saying stuff like "but only friends , no more" friends friends haha .. basically she started to add "friends" and "only" to the 90% of her sentences. 

A powerful men woke up inside me , and I told her something like : yes but stop saying that , we are friends but you turn me on , so I might need to go further physically ,ok ?

When I sent this , I thought .. hahaha she will blocked me, I am a fool . More like the opposite , It worked. Things improved and got her interest back , acted that way for 2 weeks.. and 3 weeks later .. We had sex  .. BOOM! I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT

I don't know what happened but I got nervous at bed .. and things ended rare , I couldn't ejaculate , my face was red , almost fainted.. I told her I was really nervous and this never happened to me before . She said "It was ok" but the next morning she told me it was better to stay away because some reasons she didn't specify ...

That day I was really fucked .. Problems at school , home , and now she says bye bye . So what happened ? I exploded . started saying rude and jealous stuff , trying to shock her . like "your ex-bf was an idiot , you only like idiots , go and found another one , but fuck off and stay away from me " , and the worst part " I have been losing my time with you , months of chatting and you disappear like a ghost , you are such a failed investment" ! she answered like : what? have you been using me ? friends don't expect things on exachange you are a fake person! .. that day I blocked her on whatsapp .

A week later unblocked her and apologised .. It was a disaster,  this time she blocked me . Thanks to a friend , she unblocked me , and tried to apologize a month later (November).. Her reaction was neutral , she accepted the apologises but the conversation was cold .. hey , ok , glad to hear , ok , bye , thanks. 

A week later tried to ask her , about what offended her so much .. she blocked me again after a long farewell text basically saying "my life is a mess and I have no time to lose ,good luck , enjoy life, focus on studies " .. Gotta remark she was going to the US for an experimental medical treatment and it was a HUGE hope for her , Days before the message she was rejected from the project .

This 31th December , was new years eve .. and also her bday ! I was blocked from all social media , so I sent her a Whatsapp using a secondary phone number from work . She appeared to be happy until she recognize me , saying " haha thank you so much whoever you are , best regars and kisses " , but then I told her it was me .. and the conversation cold down immediately . again the ok , bye , thanks ,ok ...

At least this time she didn't block me .. It was a rough conversation . Haven't tried to text her again since then ...

Now lets focus on this .. She doesn't want a relationship , either I want .. I just wanna be her friend with privileges , and I am ready .. Now I go to gym , I am stronger and my emotions are controlled.. How can I transmit this message to her ? My only gateway to her ,is via text .. and she doesn't look very open . She basically lost all her interest on me and thinks of me , as a weak , sweet and angry kid .. and I want to probe

her that I am a modern boy who can dominate and fuck her like a real man ...