Being Open About my challenge..to my MOM
Fri, 06/29/2012 - 20:02
So I did something today that I was always a little nervous to do.
I told my mom.
I had been ignoring her calls... I hate talkign to her when I'm doing something that I'm kind of ashamed to tell her about (aka: Going out every night solo and alone and hitting on girls)
I finally picked up the phone today and she wasn't upset. She just said that she was really hurt that I hadn't picked up any of her calls or let her know that I was even just okay. She cares a lot and she's always been there for me, so she's one of those people that it really does feel kinda shitty to hurt.
I apologized to her and then I just told her the truth:
"So mom, I've been going out every night, alone, without drinking because it's something that I want to get handled and it's something that I think has affected my life more than anything else"
She couldn't have been more respectful of my decision. She started asking me tons of questions about what I was doing, how I was doing it, why I was doing it... and then she started telling me how she gets nervous when she's out at bars, too and that she's happy I'm doing something to deal with that, because she never did.
I have been through a lot with this woman and I'm just really happy that I have a strong enough relationship with her to be able to tell her the truth like this and have her understand what I'm doing and to be genuinely interested in it and to be happy for me, simply because I'm doing something positive for myself that makes me feel good.
I did NOT tell her that I'm getting training from a dude named, "Manwhore"... That's for another conversation... perhaps a lot further down the road ; )
I told my mom.
I had been ignoring her calls... I hate talkign to her when I'm doing something that I'm kind of ashamed to tell her about (aka: Going out every night solo and alone and hitting on girls)
I finally picked up the phone today and she wasn't upset. She just said that she was really hurt that I hadn't picked up any of her calls or let her know that I was even just okay. She cares a lot and she's always been there for me, so she's one of those people that it really does feel kinda shitty to hurt.
I apologized to her and then I just told her the truth:
"So mom, I've been going out every night, alone, without drinking because it's something that I want to get handled and it's something that I think has affected my life more than anything else"
She couldn't have been more respectful of my decision. She started asking me tons of questions about what I was doing, how I was doing it, why I was doing it... and then she started telling me how she gets nervous when she's out at bars, too and that she's happy I'm doing something to deal with that, because she never did.
I have been through a lot with this woman and I'm just really happy that I have a strong enough relationship with her to be able to tell her the truth like this and have her understand what I'm doing and to be genuinely interested in it and to be happy for me, simply because I'm doing something positive for myself that makes me feel good.
I did NOT tell her that I'm getting training from a dude named, "Manwhore"... That's for another conversation... perhaps a lot further down the road ; )
Fri, 06/29/2012 - 20:09
#1
Re: Being Open About my challenge..to my MOM
@buddhagames:
I think it's just that when you start doing something that's really important to you, it's important to be open and honest about it. There is no reason for me to hide what I'm doing, especially from the people that matter most.
Very happy I did this. It made me feel a lot better.
Lmao, I don't tell my mom everything... FAR FAR FAR from it... but I just felt that THIS was something that I wanted to be open about and tell her. Mainly because it was something that, for whatever reason, I was really feeling nervous about telling her.
Walking through little fires like this are just as important as walking through the big ones.
I think it's just that when you start doing something that's really important to you, it's important to be open and honest about it. There is no reason for me to hide what I'm doing, especially from the people that matter most.
Very happy I did this. It made me feel a lot better.
Lmao, I don't tell my mom everything... FAR FAR FAR from it... but I just felt that THIS was something that I wanted to be open about and tell her. Mainly because it was something that, for whatever reason, I was really feeling nervous about telling her.
Walking through little fires like this are just as important as walking through the big ones.
Fri, 06/29/2012 - 20:48
#2
Re: Being Open About my challenge..to my MOM
@buddhagames:
LOL, telling her your mentor is some guy called 'Manwhore' would seriously make her question what profession you're going into.
But i get you, i've only gone as far as telling my mum that i look up to a guy named 'Owen Cook' who's got great theories on social dynamics. I was such a know-it-all KJ to her at first before i was 18 actually. I've humbled a lot since going out so much, she used to ask me all the time where i was going cause it was pretty excessive how many late nights i was having. Now she doesn't ask. It's cool cause my ma knows i'm out to improve myself in the social world, learn more about myself, and she's the social type anyway who likes talking to people. A lot. She also understands the whole 'go sober' thing cause she never drinks.
My dad knows everything about RSD cause i told him lol he was hugely skeptical at first and thought it was a cult, but knows i've attended hotseats and respects my enthusiasm for all this. He made a good wing man one night when we did karaoke too ;)
LOL, telling her your mentor is some guy called 'Manwhore' would seriously make her question what profession you're going into.
But i get you, i've only gone as far as telling my mum that i look up to a guy named 'Owen Cook' who's got great theories on social dynamics. I was such a know-it-all KJ to her at first before i was 18 actually. I've humbled a lot since going out so much, she used to ask me all the time where i was going cause it was pretty excessive how many late nights i was having. Now she doesn't ask. It's cool cause my ma knows i'm out to improve myself in the social world, learn more about myself, and she's the social type anyway who likes talking to people. A lot. She also understands the whole 'go sober' thing cause she never drinks.
My dad knows everything about RSD cause i told him lol he was hugely skeptical at first and thought it was a cult, but knows i've attended hotseats and respects my enthusiasm for all this. He made a good wing man one night when we did karaoke too ;)
Fri, 06/29/2012 - 20:53
#3
Re: Being Open About my challenge..to my MOM
@Gogo:
haha Yoo that's so epic that your dad winged you. Wish I could do that... maybe some time down the line, I'll hit that up. Sounds like you have a solid relationship with him, that's really cool.
lmao- yeah, idk, honestly- she's prob trust my judgment with the whole, "manwhore" thing. When I frist told her about this dude whose helped me through a lot, she thought he was like going to abduct me into a cult (I was fucked up back then and this would have been really easy to do) but then when she saw how much better I was getting and that our relationship was only improving, she learned to love the dude as much as I do.
haha Yoo that's so epic that your dad winged you. Wish I could do that... maybe some time down the line, I'll hit that up. Sounds like you have a solid relationship with him, that's really cool.
lmao- yeah, idk, honestly- she's prob trust my judgment with the whole, "manwhore" thing. When I frist told her about this dude whose helped me through a lot, she thought he was like going to abduct me into a cult (I was fucked up back then and this would have been really easy to do) but then when she saw how much better I was getting and that our relationship was only improving, she learned to love the dude as much as I do.
Fri, 06/29/2012 - 22:04
#4
Re: Being Open About my challenge..to my MOM
@buddhagames:
Awwwwwww you're a momma's boy :)
LOL - Yeah i can relate - i actually explained to my mom 100% this past weekend about my recent issue with my lack of internal validation (which is at the end of the day - pretty much soft gayness like STILL) but i explained to her that I had an ego and a false sense of confidence because I was getting all these reactions from girls that I never used to get and that I had pretty much had low self-esteem because I never cultivated it....
Then I explained to her that I paid $440 to help me w/my self-esteem and i'm reading a bunch of books on the topic and she was like "o poor Katalyst, that's kinda un-necessary....just be confident blah blah" but then i cut her off because I knew she wouldn't understand.
It doesn't because at the end of the day like david deida says "live as if your father were dead".
PS Radical Honesty - is so fuckin liberating.
Awwwwwww you're a momma's boy :)
LOL - Yeah i can relate - i actually explained to my mom 100% this past weekend about my recent issue with my lack of internal validation (which is at the end of the day - pretty much soft gayness like STILL) but i explained to her that I had an ego and a false sense of confidence because I was getting all these reactions from girls that I never used to get and that I had pretty much had low self-esteem because I never cultivated it....
Then I explained to her that I paid $440 to help me w/my self-esteem and i'm reading a bunch of books on the topic and she was like "o poor Katalyst, that's kinda un-necessary....just be confident blah blah" but then i cut her off because I knew she wouldn't understand.
It doesn't because at the end of the day like david deida says "live as if your father were dead".
PS Radical Honesty - is so fuckin liberating.