Advise on what to do: 35 year old married chick texts me like 10 minutes ago to meet up again tonight...

Girl: Oh PS- before u agree - honesty first- I'm not English- I'm from Long Beach
Girl: Still thirsty
Me: Hahaha was that accent fake?
Girl: Totz false-o-miter :^P
Me: That's amazing. Well played, beb
Girl: Ok this concerts bout to start so ill touch base Monday?
Me: Ill only agree to a drink if you walk in with that dress of yours and pretend to be British for a bit
Girl - 46 mins later: No ultimatums...
Me - 1 min later: Haha okay. Its up to you but that accent was cute as hell
Girl - 39 mins later: You'll meet the real me n decide who's cuter
Me - 12 mins later: : )
Girl - 17 hrs 38 mins later: Just remembered someone's taking me to theater on Tuesday! Wednesday?
Me - 3 hrs 8 mins later: Yeah that's cook, beb
Girl - 2 mins later: I didn't see a cutting board at your apt... But good excuse to meet your dog
Me - 3 mins later: Huh?
Girl - 3 mins later: Oh I read that fast & thought it said Lets Cook
Me: Ah. No, a relaxing drink sounds just fine. We can do Wednesday
Girl - 1 day 17 hrs later: Happy Monday- sorry to bother at work- I just realized I was wrong about my theatre night- the tix are for Wed. Sorry for he mistake- but is tomorrow still free for you?
Me - 16 mins later: You always this indecisive sugarbut?
Girl - 1 min later: I always know what I want... ALWAYS
Me - 2 mins later: That's kinda sexy, beb
Girl - 1 min later: So tomorrow??
Me: Mm very tempted - you still have that dress ; )
Girl - 11 mins later: I have many- but u take your time to decide - LMK
Me - 14 mins later: Well, i cant resist a gal who knows what she wants-meet me at 9
Girl - 15 mins later: You don't wanna catch any sun??!!
Girl - 1 min later: No wait its goin to rain tomorrow night...
Me: Be cool. It'll be fine
Me: Rain can't get inside the bar
Me: Lol
Me: And I'd love to grab some sun tmrw but I scheduled a phone conference with a clinet for 7
Girl - 1 min later: Then ill see ya immediately after
Me - 7 mins later: Lol you certainly are persistent
Me - 1 min later: But yeah you can see me right after- earliest would be 830
Girl - 1 min later: Confirmed

Kinda interested in getting some feedback on the end part there where she started to switch up the date or wtvr

I 'm not gonna lie- I had a part of me that started to tighten up becuase I felt like she was just tryna fuck with me but I realized that is probably delusional. Was just kinda frustrating to have her switch it up like that

Did I handle that alright- don't have a ton of experience with this.

seemed legit.

Lmao @ the english accent. I was reading it initially thinking, what the fuck is the britbish talking about she's making us look like a stereotype :D

We do fucking LOVE tea though.

Me: Hey beb, so I just realized my meeting tmrw is from 8-9 so lets do 915 . That work?
Girl - 21 mins later: Just got home from class- "are u always so indecisive?" JK-Absolutely. PS Hope if u have any close ones in Boston, u heard they are safe
Me - 1 hr 16 mins later: That's sweet of you beb- I hope loved ones are all well
Me - 10 hrs 36 mins later: Hey tootsybut, I'm looking forward to a nice drink and seeing you in that georgeous dress tonight. I will shower you with rose petals, chocolates and expensive bottles of champaigne
Girl - 1 min later: What the wha?!
Me: Haha I'm kidding. We'll prob just go to a bar near my place
Girl: Damn AutoCorrect!!
Me: Ha!
Girl: I knew Siri was taking liberties...
Me - 1 min later: Lmao- sometimes I forget about the weirdos that actually do that stuff- I'm more of a cheap drink and good sex kinda guy
Me: good TALK
Me: God damn autocorrect AGAIN
Girl - 5 mins later: I'm still deciding if that was a Siri or a Freudian slip
Me - 44 mins later: Phss No mistakes here sugarbuns , I know EXACTLY what I want ; b
Girl - 7 hrs 59 mins later: I don't wanna bug u while ur on ur call- so just LMK where I needa strut to and ill be waiting there
Me - 6 mins later: DL lounge. Its across the street from hotel chantel

Me: Give me a call when you get this
Girl - 2 mins later: I understand - you're changing dresses I did the same thing
Me: Hahaha I hope you were able to choose the right one to go with that sarcasm
Me - 23 mins later: Just got here
Girl - 4 mins later: Augh where?
Girl: I'm sitting w the DJs
Me - 12 hrs 32 mins later: Hey pretty girl (I mean that) I had a good time with you, in moments, last night but it seemed like you were deeply conflicted about what you wanted and constantly searching for reasons not to believe that I cared about you. I care about you but it wasn't right for you to constantly project your emotional volatility at me and make me the target of it. Its entirely in your head and I actually really cared about you in the few moments we had where we
Me: Were able to have a normal conversation
Me - 1 min later: I wish the best for you and I'm sure you'll find someone that doesnt constantly remind you of your own insecurities. Or, perhaps, you'll come to accept them and then a Guy like me will make you feel content and whole
Me - 2 mins later: Best wishes and truly hope you are able to relax and enjoy each moment...because when they are gone they are gone. Xoxo
Me - 3 mins later: And I apologize for not remaining centered enough to embrace this part of you
Girl - 9 mins later: Garret, you have an acute insight- I realize in hindsight, my behavior was unacceptable- & showcased only the nerves of a pessimistic child. I'm embarrassed. And I'm undeserving of your sweetness
Girl - 2 days 11 hrs later: In the shy attempt I can redefine my image in your eyes tonight- might you be out?
Girl - 16 mins later: I knew you were not gonna be avail part of the weekend but you never sd What day you'er leaving - you are missed
Me - 53 mins later: Hey beb, I appreciate you wanting to make it up to me tonighr but I won't be back until Sunday : (
Girl - 4 mins later: That is a frowns face indeed... You enjoy & my prodigal self awaits xo
Me - 1 day 15 hrs later: Hey oretty girl, enjoying Sunday brunch?
Me: Pretty*
Girl - 3 mins later: You are extremely kind- I made brunch for my roommy me- how's outa town?
Me - 6 mins later: Mm just got back beb, eating brunch with a friend
Girl - 3 mins later: Welcome home!! You brought the sunshine back
Me - 8 mins later: : )
Me - 10 mins later: So that offer to make it up to me in person- that one still on the table, my prodigal little girl ; )
Girl - 17 mins later: Claro! I have class Monday Thursday & Sat day so maybe if u are free Tuesday Wed?
Me - 3 hrs 37 mins later: Tuesday works
Girl - 1 hr 53 mins later: I'm tickled pink☺
Me - 19 hrs 57 mins later: : )
Girl - 1 min later: Hello mr grin...
Me: You put a smile on my face, beb
Me: When your behaving like a good girl your quite addorable
Girl - 1 min later: Heard. I'm staying off the naughty list for the rest of the year
Me: Well, its okay to be a little naughty... sometimes ; )
Girl - 4 mins later: Balance is key... tomorrow Michael Pollan is gonna be at Barnes at Un Sq @7- wanna meet around there or after? But I'm open to other means to pass the time
Me - 29 mins later: I'm going to be at work until 8. Do you have a decent kitchen at your place?
Girl - 10 mins later: It's micro small and my roommates home so don't wanna be there - I could meet u somewhere after you're off work- you LMK what time - maybe hear some music in the WVillage?
Me - 6 mins later: I'd rather do something near my place. I wanna cook after- Im in the mood. I have a decent enough kitchen.
Girl - 1 min later: Ok boo should we get grocery together before or u all stocked?
Me: I got it. I'm gonna surprise you though. I'll let you know when/where
Girl - 1 min later: Surprise??!!! Im already gleaming with anticipation
Girl - 44 mins later: So ill bring the vino of course- any favorite varietal?
Me - 5 hrs 2 mins later: Mmm beb, what a sweet text to wake up to
Me: Would only be better if you were here right now
Me - 1 min later: : )
Girl - 12 hrs 43 mins later: "Right now" is approaching soon enough... Don't work to hard. I hear smilin burns just as many calories
Me - 3 hrs 2 mins later: You can meet at my place at 915
Me - 7 mins later: My favorite wine is a 2009 trimbach riesling - amazing taste and one of the best values out there
Girl - 1 hr later: Just saw this - so u like the light sweet sips eh? Ill hunt for it- you're at Christy & ??
Me - 1 min later: So it seems I have a girl who knows how to behave herself AND knows her wines- you certainly seem like you know how to please a man.
Girl - 5 mins later: Well I'm on that resolution believe me- I was making presumptions about you using judgement impaired by liquor- so I'm more than happy to switch tonight to civilized wine
Me - 4 hrs 23 mins later: Getting ready beb?
Girl - 3 mins later: Uh... Are YOU ready? I went to the book signing after work and just left n strolling downtown now
Me - 1 min later: K. Come over at 930.
Me - 2 mins later: You gonna be okay wandering the streets all alone? Don't want you getting kidnapped by any of those pesky hipsters
Girl: I'm toting the Trimbach- so I can't vouch for my safety- they can smell a liquor and a lady Bridges away
Girl: What's your address? @ cross?
Me - 1 min later: Uhoh you better tell them that liquor already is meant for a certain man
Girl: That's a mouthful- I'm just sticking w "F OFF!"
Me: Haha that works too
Me - 4 mins later: Just as long as you make it here. I got all this food would be a shame for it to go to waste ; )
Girl - 1 min later: I'm starving! You ever see nat geo's great migrations?? I'm the caribou on its 2nd continent
Girl - 1 min later: This is the 3rd time I'm asking for your address... My sense of smell is peaked right now but ill get there faster w a Lil help
Me - 1 min later: 62 forsyth st
Me: Forsyth and grand
Girl - 1 min later: Gracias!
Girl - 37 mins later: I walked way too far... My phone sd pass canal so gimme a few mins
Girl: 62?
Me: 62-64
Girl: I'm here! What's the buzz?
Girl: Or just buzz
Me - 12 hrs 43 mins later: My roommate may or may not have live-tweeted our date last night
Girl - 1 min later: Forward it to me!! 8-P
Girl - 51 mins later: *crickets?*
Me - 50 mins later: Ill show you next time.
Girl - 8 mins later: Hope it was funny! Happy to entertain the masses- (& cook for them when duty calls=^)
Girl - 5 hrs 7 mins later: I'm going to a party at LaVie near u tonight at 11- not sure if there's a list but if ur out before or after, I'm avail to pass by & make your date jealous

Uhh so last text was sent like 10 minutes ago... confused if I should go

I kinda think she's giving me another chance to be a man... I really want to take it but at the same time - I'm confused at this point.

Like if I were to meet up with her- do I go for the fuck... or do I just play it chill

Again- it seems like a TOTAL bootycall.... but again- last night she was legit in my bed watching a movie and didn't want to make a move- soooo I don't really know with this girl

Actually- hold up- I don't think I went TOO romantic in this texting stuff... Anyone who reads this let me know but now that I'm actually going through the whole thing... I kept it pretty solid throughout.. no?

Duude, that was soo much.

I'm pretty positive she want's a relationship. Last text may or may not be a booty call but expect tons of LMR if you try to go for the kill.
If you're REALLY into the girl, go. Have fun, make out but don't let it go any more sexual. Do this for the next couple of meet ups and voila you're in a relationship.

If all you want is to make this girl another number on the list you can try it of course. But remembering how hard you were tripping the last time, questioning your game and shit being all frustrated.. Don't know if it's good idea. Because most likely it will play out the same.

Okay, so which part was too much?

where did the "Overly romantic" stuff begin? - can someone break this down for me.

Come on guys- I give out value like a mother fucker on this forum, I'm askin for a lil in return right now

I'm a complete beginner but the long texts you sent seemed fairly doused in romanticism. Is that bad though?

You don't find a weakness and then run from it.

Hmm, possibly. I actually sent that because I didn't want to see her again lol... I don't know if it was "romantic"- it was more just basic compassion. But sure, I'm open to the idea that this could be one area of being "overly romantic"

Thanks.

Lol, I actually meant that was a lot to read.

But yeah, I think the overly romantic stuff started before this conversation if I got this right. the text conversation seems pretty solid until that super deep message.
I know it was genuine and and emotional and all but this intensified this relationship dynamic even more. Because now you two actually "went trough something" already. You can also see it in the interaction following this. The vibe changed a bit. Later she wanted to get groceries with you and then cook, which is one of these typical boyfriend-girlfriend activities.

This is pretty much what I call slow game.

The whole physical escalation seems to be a lot slower and it's more about the connection of your relationship. And it confuses the shit out of me, too. Like even if you really like her your natural instinct and genuine feeling is to just get intimate and have sex but it doesn't work that way. It was the same with my ex and it's a completely different game. The same overall polarity of man and woman are the same but it's just way more complex, full of compromises that you're not used to as a "pooah" and it's harder to mantain a certain frame over a longer period of time.
Right now I'm seeing a chick which I might start a relationship with and it's a similar dynamic. But I'm aware of it and congruent with it this time and I have no intention of fucking her ASAP. That's what I do with the chicks I meet in the club until I have something serious with that girl going on.

So honestly I think you're stuck in slow game. There usually is no coming back from it. It's the same as being in a friendzone. You hardly won't change a relationship like that once it settled.
If you desperate about fucking her your best bet is to really show her it's not just about sex and hang out a couple of times without trying. Obviously this is pretty much lying and incongruent with your purpose and therefor pretty lame. But I don't see another way.

She sounds like a really intelligent woman. Or is talking intelligent a given when a woman is in her 30's. If she kept up the british accent, she could pass for a Bond girl. The really long message didn't seem congruent having read previous posts from you. Not escalating while she was on your bed is another very weird thing, again having known how you usually game in your previous posts. I'm very curious as to why you didn't make a move that time. The whole conversation arc between the two of you reads like an adult romance novel building up in a relationshipy kind of way. Yeah, it's just that for some reason you haven't pulled the trigger as fast as you usually would. Why is that.

I def. escalated when she was in my bed... not sure where you saw/read that I didn't...

I actually was escalating the whole night.

She opens my door- I hug her and kiss her on the lips
She's cooking dinner for me- I'm touching her all the time
She goes to take her jewelery off, before she starts cooking and walks into my room and as she's walking into my room- I slap her ass
Makeout at random times while she's cooking
Meal is done cooking- go to my room to eat
She comes in and sits on the plush chair next to where I'm sitting- I grab her hand and pull her up and she comes and sits on my lap
While she's sitting on my lap- I makeout a little
Finish food and start up a movie and tell her we're goign to watch it in my bed- she says, "How about couch" I tell her we're going to watch it in the bed
Get in bed- makeout a lil- watch the movie a lil, grab her tits and rub her leg
Go back to watching the movie
Start to makeout- take the computer and put it on the floor, start to go at it a lil and go to finger her cause she has really thin leggings on- she freaks a lil


Like literally guys- this shit doesn't make sense to me... it's not like I was being a dickless chode haha- I do forget to talk about my physical escalation in my field reports though.. so yeah, I'll talk more about that.

I was talking about this:
"...last night she was legit in my bed watching a movie and didn't want to make a move..."

Did you go to the party, by the way? I'll rereading the whole conversation again.

Oh.

As in- SHE didn't wanna make moves. I absolutely made moves she just wasn't receptive to them at all.

I mean- she even pulled like the full-on "phase shift" where like their attitude goes from playful to like SUPER SUPER serious

I don't fuck with that shit- when a girls entire demaner and attitude changes from wtvr it is to like that "SUPER SERIOUS" face- I pull back and respect that...

The string of messages about her finding someone better and her insecurities really shifted the interaction into romantic mode. What was that all about, by the way

Well I didn't want to see her again and that was how I felt. I only met up with her because she was being so polite and submissive. After that

Me - 12 hrs 32 mins later: Hey pretty girl (I mean that) I had a good time with you, in moments, last night but it seemed like you were deeply conflicted about what you wanted and constantly searching for reasons not to believe that I cared about you. I care about you but it wasn't right for you to constantly project your emotional volatility at me and make me the target of it. Its entirely in your head and I actually really cared about you in the few moments we had where we
Me: Were able to have a normal conversation
Me - 1 min later: I wish the best for you and I'm sure you'll find someone that doesnt constantly remind you of your own insecurities. Or, perhaps, you'll come to accept them and then a Guy like me will make you feel content and whole
Me - 2 mins later: Best wishes and truly hope you are able to relax and enjoy each moment...because when they are gone they are gone. Xoxo
Me - 3 mins later: And I apologize for not remaining centered enough to embrace this part of you
Girl - 9 mins later: Garret, you have an acute insight- I realize in hindsight, my behavior was unacceptable- & showcased only the nerves of a pessimistic child. I'm embarrassed. And I'm undeserving of your sweetness
Girl - 2 days 11 hrs later: In the shy attempt I can redefine my image in your eyes tonight- might you be out?
Girl - 16 mins later: I knew you were not gonna be avail part of the weekend but you never sd What day you'er leaving - you are missed
Me - 53 mins later: Hey beb, I appreciate you wanting to make it up to me tonighr but I won't be back until Sunday : (
Girl - 4 mins later: That is a frowns face indeed... You enjoy & my prodigal self awaits xo
Me - 1 day 15 hrs later: Hey oretty girl, enjoying Sunday brunch?
Me: Pretty*
Girl - 3 mins later: You are extremely kind- I made brunch for my roommy me- how's outa town?
Me - 6 mins later: Mm just got back beb, eating brunch with a friend
Girl - 3 mins later: Welcome home!! You brought the sunshine back



This body of text might've made the whole escalation bit that you broke down (though impeccable) come off as incongruent to her. The dialogue between the two of you + the way you escalated doesn't add up. It just feels like you said all that just so you could get in her pants, even though you really didn't intend for it to be that way.

Word man- yeah, that makes sense.

Thanks for the breakdown- I totally see that.

So it was that text that fucked me- I guess when I sent it I should have committed to legit not seeing her.

OR

since I sent that text- remained congruent with it and actually done LESS physical escalation than normal and basically just let her come to me, which is maybe not what I would normally do but since that text was out there... I shoulda been VERY chilled out about the whole thing... like she had to make it up to me but instead it was as if she didn't have to work for it at all

OR

maybe she wants you to be completely responsible for sex going down cause she's married.

Can you explain that some more

Well actually I thought your second option (the one where you should've let her work for it, since she's the one who's to supposed to make it up to you) best describes your solution. I wanted to know if her marriage had been a factor at all or was ever brought up as a form of resistance in this whole endeavor.

No- it was never brought up as a form of resistance. It was actually brought up more as a "oh btw"

When's the next time you're seeing her. I don't know if making her work for it and not escalating as much would correct the dynamic this time around, though.

Well right, now that strategy is sorta not on the table, as I already went full escalation last time.. so it'd just be weird.

Idk when the next time is, prob within the next week.

I was being pretty manipulative when I met up with her... I was pretending to be all romantic when really I did just wanna fuck.

I wanted more, in the future, sure- but I wanted sex and was being overly romantic. I see it. It's not actually obvious, to me- it's more in the subtle stuff that I say... almost more like I was buying into her frame of "politeness"... I instantly forgave her the second she started to behave- which is okay but I was still a little hesitant to meet up with her but I didn't express that at all

I think a lot of what I did here was out of scarcity

She treated me like shit... I called her on it... she apologised... and woh, i INSTANTLY forgave her- not even a second thought

If you break down what happened, it's actually pretty sipmle and makes a lot of sense.

yeah, this is fucked haha.