The Most Meaninful Post I Have Ever Written: How Meditation Has Changed My Life and in the process- My Game

Meditation has had the single biggest impact on me, my life experience, my game and the people who surround me, out of any single activity that I do on a daily basis.

At this point, I've talked to and met a lot of guys from this forum in person and seen a whole variety of people with a whole variety of skill levels. One thing that is consistent is that, whenever I meet someone who isn't approaching as much as they need to be or doesn't have the success they want, at this moment- I always ask one simple question, "Do you meditate every day?".

It's a simple question and, without fail, the answer I receive is equally as simple, "No".

It's funny- Guys in this game will go out every day, will endure incredible amounts of bullshit from girls, will entirely restructure their lives around a single goal... and yet, so many of these same guys, simply refuse to spend 30 minutes out of each day, sitting quietly alone on a cushion. This confuses me.

The only reason I can come up with for this is that these guys, truly just do not understand the profound impact that meditation will have on their game. They don't understand the profound impact that meditation will have on their daily lives, on their ability to achieve their goals, on their discipline/willpower, on their ability to accept themselves. It's similar to how someone who is overweight, simply does not realize what it feels like to be normal. The obese man doesn't realize how much extra weight he is carrying because his body and mind have adapted to his current circumstances and so he just doesn't even realize the pain he is putting himself through, the absolute carnage, he is putting his body and mind through every day, simply for an endorphin hit here or there.

Recently, I was on a plane ride back from NYC to San Francisco and on the flight, I noticed a man sitting in the aisle across from me and he had to purchase two seats because he was simply too large to fit into the customary, one seat that the rest of us, albeit uncomfortably, in the end, fit into for the duration of the 5 hour flight. I remember seeing this and immediately feeling my heart sink while simultaneously getting the overwhelming urge to reach over and just give this man a hug and tell him, "It's going to be okay.". Something deep inside told me that he hadn't gotten this enough in his life. Perhaps it was simply the chode in me, projecting itself, but something inside told me that this man was scared, misunderstood and angry at the world for not hearing his silent cries for help- all the while, cripplingly ashamed at himself for not being, “Good Enough”, for even a single person to hear his puny, inexhaustible voice.

And yet- If I were to have approached this man and said, “Sir, are you in pain right now? Let me give you a hug. It’s going to be okay”… He would have looked at me confused and thought I was absolutely crazy. The point is, this man sitting across from me is entirely unaware of his own life situation. He is entirely unaware of the incredible amount of pain that he is suffering. Worse yet, he is entirely unaware of just how responsible he is for this invisible force in his life.

Undoubtedly, he is aware that he is overweight. Doctors have told him, “You have to lose weight”, his friends and family have mentioned it to him countless times and even in the midst of his deep unconsciousness, surely, he hears at least some of the thoughts in his said, “God you are so fat, why don’t you just lose the weight”, “Life would be so much easier if I didn’t weigh this much” (These are just some of the thoughts I have had in my own struggle with weight loss).
But none of this gets to the core. In fact, these, “Surface Level” thoughts, are just another defense mechanism he has developed in order to cope with his actual pain. These judgmental thoughts allow him to be angry and to hold onto that anger, which, while not pleasant, is a peaceful alternative to the torrential storm of emotions that would be unleashed if he ever, even for just 30 minutes a day, were to sit down and just stop running. So he subconsciously picks the lesser of two evils, his unconscious mind, unable to see the light at the end of the tunnel, chooses to latch onto these, “Surface Level” emotions of “Anger, annoyance, impatience, regret etc.”, as an alternative to that which lies within the deep recesses of the cave of his own self-loathing.

I bring up the example of the large man I saw on the airplane, not because I want this post to be about fat people and losing weight, but because it is always easier to see in somebody else, the issues that you are too afraid to see in yourself. We look at others and see ourselves.
Similar to the obese man on the airplane, we are all dealing with a plethora of issues that we are entirely unaware of. In the case of the overweight man, there are very clear external symptoms of his pain, but with us, it’s different. There aren’t countless roles of fat, staring us in the face each time we take off our shirt- A constant reminder of the pain we are living. We don’t deal with our pain by eating at the same level that the clinically obese individual does. We don’t crave the rush of endorphins in the same way that the clinically obese individual does.

But, similar to the obese man, we have an addiction and that addiction is to our thoughts, to our fears, to our insecurities, to the stories we’ve created about our lives. Much like the obese man, we can all see external signals of these deeply held beliefs and, on some level, recognize that there is an issue. But, similar to the obese man, instead of surrendering, instead of giving in and admitting to ourselves that we are not as “whole” as, perhaps, we think… We use these stories, these fears, these insecurities as a way of distracting ourselves from the even scarier truth of what really resides inside of us. By only allowing ourselves to recognize these, “Superficial” emotions”, we completely take away our ability to make concrete growth in our lives. We take away our ability to strip everything away and take a critical look at the foundation, upon which our house is built- The only perspective, from which, core, identity-level, change can occur.

So what about these stories, insecurities and fears? What are these invisible chains that hold us back in life and make growth impossible, these invisible walls that blind our vision from the beauty of a ray of sun as it hits your face and slowly works its way down your body, warming every crevice of your body, the chirping of a blue jay on a spring afternoon, or the absolutely humbling majesty and presence of the mountains, oceans, valleys and forests that surround us on a daily basis. Collectively, we can cry out- What are these chains? What are these walls made of? Please, oh please, let us tear them down. If you are not, at this point, passionately yearning to destroy these chains and break down these walls, if you are not, at this point, passionately yearning, to walk outside and feel the warmth of the sun or the pressure of the ground on your foot or, to truly, for the first time, feel the touch of another human being- I wonder whether you have ever, truly understood what it means to be alive.

What are these chains? What are these walls? These chains and walls are nothing more than our thoughts. These stories, insecurities and fears are nothing more than our thought- the same ones that come and go constantly from us and to us day and night. That is all any of this is. All that is holding us back from truly living, breathing, feeling, seeing, listening, touching, having gratitude, feeling love, compassion and kindness… All that holds us back from truly living are our thoughts.
Going back to the beginning of this post, I mentioned how meditation has had the biggest impact on my life situation out of any single habit that I do on a daily basis. It has improved my game more than anything else I have ever done. It has created an environment within myself, where I can compassionately understand myself. It has created an environment where I have begun to truly live. It has allowed me to feel the deep pain that comes with the full recognition that, at one point, I truly believed I was “Not Enough” and then, later on, provided the catalyst for me to come to the deeper, more true understanding of myself, that I AM ENOUGH.

So, how does this translate, practically, into my game? It’s all well and good to write a poetic sounding piece and to talk about birds chirping and the sun shining, but when I’m strapping on my boots for the night and heading out to a nightclub, where girls are hammered and looking for any reason to reject you and guys are drunk and looking for any reason to fight you- Does anybody give a fuck about the birds? Does anyone give a fuck about the warmth of the sun, or the majesty and presence of nature?

When I start out a night, I generally still have some slight anxiety. It’s like a little excitement, but mainly just some nerves and overall clutter that I have to get out before I can really settle in and get down to business. What meditation has allowed me to do, in the field, is to slow down the interaction. It’s that moment when you approach a girl and you lock eye contact and everything about the interaction is slowed down, it is literally as if time is moving slower than it does normally. Being present and not having thoughts of insecurity or thoughts about “The story of my life” or fears, allows me to relax into the interaction. I put out my hand to shake hers and I truly feel her skin. I relax into her eyes and it is as if, through my own process of relaxing into her eyes, relaxing into the interaction, truly feeling her skin, it is as if through this process- she relaxes and she feels the same presence that I feel. It is as if she is able to feel my skin, not just me feel hers.

Meditation has allowed me to be present to the internal workings of my body as I approach and continue further into the interaction. As I talk to her, because of meditation, I allow myself to feel the tension in my shoulders and relax into it. I feel the slightly upward arch in my shoulders and just breathe through it and feel them relaxing and slowly lowering down, as I realize that this girl is not a threat- but a very fragile being,that has to be handled with care (And yes- sometimes this “care” means running crazy rape game).

As the interaction is slowed down, it is as if the impact of my eye contact increases, the smile on my face becomes soft and genuine, the touch of her skin feels incredible, as I can feel each and every crack in the lines of her hands and my dick gets hard from this simple process of truly feeling a girl, without the added insecurities and stories of how I could potentially fuck it up. In that moment, her skin feels amazing and her eyes glisten and her scent wafts into my nose and I can feel that moment and simaltaneously feel my own bodies response to all of this.

It is THIS that creates the massive amounts of attraction in girls, simply by walking up and saying ,”You are cute as a fucking button”. The words do not matter. It is the fact that, deep down, I am not thinking about my fears, insecurities or stories. It is the fact that deep down, I am simply feeling her skin, relaxing into her eyes and enjoying the moment. It is the fact that, because of meditation, I have come to realize that I AM ENOUGH.