Balancing Taking Responsibility with Humillity and Compassion
Thu, 07/26/2012 - 09:14
So tonight I went out and for the first time in the enirety of my 60 day challenge, I did not approach NEARLY the number of girls that I should have. I approached three girls the entire night. For someone who has told himself that he is an approach machine, this was rather disturbing. It really got me at the core.
When I was heading home, I just had this really empty feeling in my stomach, a feeling as if I let myself down, a feeling that, in my head I think I'm "better than this" but my actions didn't show it and so, for the first time, in a long while, there was a discrepency between the way I thought of myself and the way I acted.
I went to 5 different venues and 4 of them were closed. This put me in an emotional state that was not going to, "help" me, perse... But it was certainly one that I could still game from.
Tonight I let my emotions dictate my actions and I'm not proud of that. I'm dissapointed in myself and don't want to let this happen again. Focusing on my actions has been what's gotten me this far and will be what allows me to succeed at this, but if I let what happened tonight, become a pattern, it will corrode any progress I have made and prevent further growth.
That being said, I understand that I have to have the humility to accept that I will not live up to my own standards, every single day. I can do it the majority of the time, because it is something that I do have complete control over. I have complete control of whether or not I do my approaches and make the best decisions I can at the time... But even with that, comes the neccesity of understanidng that, sometimes, we fuck up. Sometiems we do things we are not proud of or do not do things we should have, despite completely having the ability and control over ourselves to do them.
This is where humility comes into play. I have to understand that I will not be perfect every night. Even in doing the things that I have complete control over, I will not be perfect every night. I can come close. I can always put my best foot forward but I have to accept that I will not be perfect. I will not take the action I feel I am capable of every night, even though, on some level, that is exactly what I strive to do every night I go out.
Additionally, I have to have compassion for this side of myself. I have to haev compassion for the side of myself that makes mistakes, for the side of myself that is scared, upset and chodey. I have to have compassion for the chode that still lives insdie of me. Because, despite all the progress I have made and the progress I will make in the future, that chode will always exist on some level and I have to have just as much compassion for that chode as I have for the successful, empowered, action-taking, monster that lives through me the majority of the time.
This post is about balancing the three different emotions that i feel right now and understanding that all three have their place.
1. Having the maturity and discipline to understand that I am responsible and empowered enough to always be taking action, despite how hard my emotions fight to dictate what I do.
2. The humility to understand that I will not be perfect.
3. The compassion to still love the chode inside of me.
I hope that you guys can take something away from this post. Maybe you have gone through similar nights, maybe you haven't... but I'm sure that if you go through this process, eventually, you will have one or two nights that hit you pretty hard and humble you and spur you to do better next time.
When I was heading home, I just had this really empty feeling in my stomach, a feeling as if I let myself down, a feeling that, in my head I think I'm "better than this" but my actions didn't show it and so, for the first time, in a long while, there was a discrepency between the way I thought of myself and the way I acted.
I went to 5 different venues and 4 of them were closed. This put me in an emotional state that was not going to, "help" me, perse... But it was certainly one that I could still game from.
Tonight I let my emotions dictate my actions and I'm not proud of that. I'm dissapointed in myself and don't want to let this happen again. Focusing on my actions has been what's gotten me this far and will be what allows me to succeed at this, but if I let what happened tonight, become a pattern, it will corrode any progress I have made and prevent further growth.
That being said, I understand that I have to have the humility to accept that I will not live up to my own standards, every single day. I can do it the majority of the time, because it is something that I do have complete control over. I have complete control of whether or not I do my approaches and make the best decisions I can at the time... But even with that, comes the neccesity of understanidng that, sometimes, we fuck up. Sometiems we do things we are not proud of or do not do things we should have, despite completely having the ability and control over ourselves to do them.
This is where humility comes into play. I have to understand that I will not be perfect every night. Even in doing the things that I have complete control over, I will not be perfect every night. I can come close. I can always put my best foot forward but I have to accept that I will not be perfect. I will not take the action I feel I am capable of every night, even though, on some level, that is exactly what I strive to do every night I go out.
Additionally, I have to have compassion for this side of myself. I have to haev compassion for the side of myself that makes mistakes, for the side of myself that is scared, upset and chodey. I have to have compassion for the chode that still lives insdie of me. Because, despite all the progress I have made and the progress I will make in the future, that chode will always exist on some level and I have to have just as much compassion for that chode as I have for the successful, empowered, action-taking, monster that lives through me the majority of the time.
This post is about balancing the three different emotions that i feel right now and understanding that all three have their place.
1. Having the maturity and discipline to understand that I am responsible and empowered enough to always be taking action, despite how hard my emotions fight to dictate what I do.
2. The humility to understand that I will not be perfect.
3. The compassion to still love the chode inside of me.
I hope that you guys can take something away from this post. Maybe you have gone through similar nights, maybe you haven't... but I'm sure that if you go through this process, eventually, you will have one or two nights that hit you pretty hard and humble you and spur you to do better next time.