Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish: For Experienced Guys Who Feel Stagnation

As you get "better" at anything you start to understand that you are getting better.  You also start to understand what "is" and "isn't" possible. You start to understand when the odds "are" and "are not" in your favor. In whatever it is that you start to succeed at, you begin to understand what "should" and "should not" be done because you've studied theory, gone out a lot and seen it in action- literally seen the shit that's written about, coming into reality right in front of your eyes, been rejected more times than you can possibly count, heard all of excuses/objections possible (until tonight, when you'll hear just one more that you haven't heard before). 

The fact is that as you get better at anything you start to understand what's "foolish" and what's "sane"- you start to understand the difference between, "Pushing your boundaries" and just being a "nut job". You start to understand that the highest probabilty for pulling is in the last two hours that the club/bar is open, so you stop aggressively approaching early on in the night, in favor of posting up at the bar and enjoying a beer or a glass of water, smugly watching everyone engage in their respective mating dances (which you know for certain are pointless and irrelevant this early in the night- you've gone out, for longer, more consistently and with more of a sustained focus, than anyone else in this bar has, or, probably ever will- so you know what they don't), as you just wait, not thinking about anything but just waiting becuase you know that the last 2 hours are all that matter. 

You walk into the bar and see a seated 2 set on a bench against the wall but you don't approach, but of course it's not out of fear- becuase you know for a fact that you are passed that, AA is something of the past for you. No, you don't approach becuase you know the odds are against you. You don't approach because you know how seated 2 sets where there's no place for you to sit, in the general area, tend to turn out... So instead, you don't approach and just keep a mental note of who those girls were and will approach them, in the last two hours of the night, when they are no longer seated. 

Some people say your ego gets bigger- it does. But it's not a fear of rejection holding you back. Your ego does not care about rejection anymore- getting rejected doesn't "Bruise your ego" the way it would to your buddies, all of whose mouths are constantly agape as you break conversation in the middle of the street to go approach the smoking hot woman, who they were just staring at, in the middle of the day, on your way back from lunch.  The same buddies who, after you get rejected 4 times, on the same mid-day walk, ask you,  "Why do you do it" but you don't have to respond becuase they wouldn't get it. They don't get it becuase to them, being rejected by a strange woman, in the middle of the street, during the daytime, actually matters. At this point though, the thought that something like that would actually matter is laughable and wouldn't even cross your mind, except for the fact that your frineds are a reminder of where you were just one year ago.

At this point, you are so okay with rejection, it's hardly a second thought. You just don't care. It's not about the rejection, it's about playing it safe. Why would I approach the logistically difficult, seated 2-set, when I could just wait and save myself one more opportunity for when it really counts (at the end of the night). You don't care about the rejection but about the opportunity in the future that may be lost. 

The overarching, driving force, is no longer "fear" but it's been replaced by a "certainty". The fear has been replaced by "knowing". 

But here's the thing about getting good and about all of the shit that comes with it- because anyone who has done anything for a sustained period of time, can connect with the mindset I just walked us through. 

Stagnation occurrs. Boredom occurs. We stop pushing becuase we "know" when to push. We stop approaching becuase we "know" we're better off just waiting till the last couple hours, especially if we're in an intimate, small, high-end venue, where one or two blowouts can actually have a legitimate effect on your social value at that club (which could potentailly hurt your abilty to get back in, in the future). We stagnate. We slow down and soon we're no longer getting better- we're getting worse. 

We get a little bit worse and then at a certain point, we catch ourselves. Maybe it's a couple weeks, maybe it's a month - but eventually, we catch ourselves and we look in the mirror and say, "What the fuck"- and we no longer are so "certain" and we push. We go back to approaching everything. We go back to being foolish and hungry. We go back to opening everything. We go back to that same bar and this time we open that logistically difficult seated 2set and we stand there and feel the awkwardness and learn to not give a fuck. We learn from the experience. You're excited again. The game isn't entirely about knowing what's right anymore. You've gone back to being foolish- you've gone back to pushing the envelope, even when you know it probably won't work out well but it's okay- the rejections are funny. Your wing gets rejected and you jokingly yell across the room, "YOU SUCK HUGE DICK AT THIS MAN" and then laugh as everyone around you is like, "What the fuck".. But you laugh because it's true- You suck at this. But, funny enough, that's where I'd rather be. 

When you suck and you know it- you're foolish and hungry and willing to approach/do anything to get better. There's an excitement to every approach. There's an excitement to every rejection. You're like a little kid in a candy store- willing to do all the approaches that the "pros" scoff at. 

In the beginner's mind there are many choices- in the expert's mind, there are few. I would implore you to always have the mind of a beginner. Don't become so good at this that you think you actually know anything. Continue to push hard and do the sets that are foolish. Stay hungry and approach the hottie on the street as you're talking and walking with your buddies- it's FUN. It's EXCTING. It's FRESH. You don't KNOW what's going to happen. It's a chance to explore possibilities and learn something new. Every time. Experience someone new every single time. 

We get better and then we get worse. Life and Death. It's nature's cycles. Spring follows winter and growth follows death but without death, there can be no growth. We slowly, very slowly, get a little better, a little less "sure", every time and as a result, our "negative cycles" become slightly less every time. The less certain you are, the more you will grow. 

Stay hungry. Stay Foolish.

Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish