In a world of increasing self development there are multiple ways of going about improving yourself. I myself, have gone through Manwhore’s Skype coaching and now I am working on becoming an internationally certified NLP Coach. NLP stands for neuro-linguistic programming – a study of excellence that enables you to be the one in charge of your own life and to communicate with other people much more effectively.
I have decided to compare NLP and Skype coaching. Both methods are very effective and powerful. Moreover, both schools of thought have many similarities and also elements that make them unique.
Being the focus of attention and influencing people
Manwhore believes that to influence people and to be a social leader you need to have the right vocal projection, emotion in your voice while also needing to be comfortable in your own skin alongside being in your own reality and projecting that reality and authority onto others. The way he gets his students to reach this level of social competence is by series of drills designed to unstifle and bring out the natural personality of a socially successful person. I experienced this first hand and was amazed by the results. The way people treat you if you change your vocal projection, add emotion to your voice and project authority is extraordinary. Once you see the »matrix« nothing is ever the same again.
NLP has a different approach to becoming more socially savvy. People skilled in neuro-linguistic programming use a number of techniques designed to recognise what type of personality somebody has. Each personality type uses different words to describe the same thing or rather each has a different way of talking. What NLP coaches do is figure out what words people use and then try to use them themselves. People view and experience the world via their inner map of how the world works. That’s what NLP coaches try to tune into. They also use body language mirroring, hypnotic language patterns, anchoring etc.
Of course there’s a lot more to it, I am only presenting a general idea of how things operate. I once had a NLP coach use the techniques on me and he was able to influence and motivate me in a matter of seconds. What happened was that he was giving a presentation at the school that I used to go to and at the end I wanted to talk to him to express my thoughts about what he said. He was already talking to a girl, being animated and using his voice in a certain high pitched way, but then when it was my turn to talk, his body language changed immediately. He started talking slowly and mirrored my body language and it was if he just stole my personality from right under my nose! Now back then I wasn’t familiar with NLP as much as I am now and at first I kind of felt uncomfortable however then I started to feel like this is someone who views the world in the same way as I do.
If I was to point out a key difference here, it would probably be the fact that Manwhore works on changing an individual and developing his personal skill set, where NLP focuses more on what the other person is like and then addressing them in a certain way. NLP also changes you, although MW does it faster and more efficiently.
Now obviously both ways are very effective and can enable you to be the source of grounding energy that influences people.
NLP taught me the skills of writing a job application, and relate to people in a formal way, in business and such. It mainly focuses on hypnotic speech patterns based on Milton Erickson.
Goal setting and taking action
Manwhore is very intense when it comes to this. He’s got a history of training guys in the military and achieving a goal regardless of negative emotions holding them back. I believe that due to the comfort of our society we have forgotten what being active really means and it’s extremely difficult to get yourself going and maintain focused for longer periods of time. To cope with our bad decisions we often rationalise to make ourselves feel better. MW’s service in the military gave him the ability to motivate an individual to take charge. Before I took his coaching I thought that I was already taking action in my life, but what I didn’t realise is just how much effort it takes to actually do it. I don’t know exactly how he achieves it, but I think it’s by projecting his view of reality onto a student, and being so sure in what he says he is able to get people to agree with him. His best interest of course is the well being of his students. For example, I couldn’t make my mind about what university to apply to, and was thinking about studying something related to sociology. MW got me to realise that was a bad idea and gave me solid reasons why. I didn’t quite understand him back then but now I see that if I didn’t listen to him I’d be getting a worthless degree.
NLP has a model of goal setting that concentrates on what we internally see, hear and feel. Our attention will direct itself toward external and internal resources that are needed to achieve a goal. This model goes by the name of Well-Formed-Outcome-Model.
In this model we go through certain questions to see if a goal is really suitable.
We need to set a goal that is actually measurable and written in a positive form.
» I will have 10.000 dollars by august 1st, 2015.« is an example of such a goal.
Note that the goal has a specific deadline in order to be measurable. We don’t want it to be vague!
If we set our goals in the negative, it can have a negative effect leaving us disempowered. Our subconscious mind reads all statements as positive, so for example if we say »I don’t want to be fat« our subconscious mind hears »I want to be fat« So this is something to take note of.
The following questions are worth setting to ourselves:
1.) Does the goal describe the evidence of our progress?
– How will I know that I achieved the goal?
– What will I be doing when I get it?
2.) Is the context of the goal clearly defined?
– We need to clearly define when, where, why and how we will reach a goal. By doing so we avoid thinking about things that we don’t want and rather focus only on things that we do want. In the process we may identify steps that are needed to get us to our desired outcome.
3.) Does the goal identify the necessary resources?
– Are there people who can help?
– Do we have all the necessary tools?
– A good resource may also be a past experience that helps identify the resources we need for current goal.
4.) Is my goal ecological?
– This means knowing if the goal fits nicely into our lives. We need to make sure that the goal doesn’t interfere with our personal standards and general well-being for others. This also includes questions such as how will this effect my family?
Setting the right questions
During our coaching with MW, I noticed that from time to time he would ask questions that made me wonder ‘why is he asking me this?’, but he knows from experience what questions to ask. He needs to ask certain type of questions in order to diagnose what issues his student are experiencing. In our first session we discovered a pattern of me setting a goal and then always backing off, I never had any idea I was doing that until he pointed it out. He then asked me if I ever learned how to skii, when I replied yes he asked another question asking if I ever fell on purpose during skii lessons. I thought about it, and then I recalled that I did exactly that. He then explained that whenever things get harder I give up instead of going faster. He has incredible ability to recognise where the student is at.
Sometimes we have no idea what’s going on inside of us and we are more than likely lying to ourselves and have blindspots. Even though he holds a degree in cognitive science, the main reason for his intuition is actually the experience he gained in the military. He also asks questions that are very similar to what NLP people would call META questions, I will discuss them below. However before I do, I just want to point out his ability to motivate and inspire students to actually be excited and proud of themselves for taking right action.It’s hard to describe the feeling where you know you did everything you could.
NLP coaches are taught the following: If a student comes up with a question, you shouldn’t preach or tell them what the right thing to do is straight away. But rather you should ask such questions that get the student to come up with a solution on his own. For example if someone asks a question, on some level they are doubting their own judgement (which isn’t bad, we all need coaches from time to time) but by us giving them straight answer we just reinforce their belief that they don’t have the answers within.
I noticed that MW does exact same thing from time to time.
A well thought out question can change the person’s life. That’s why NLP has a set of questions called meta questions. They are designed in a way where they supply the necessary info. They also help figure out exactly what someone meant by what they said. When we talk we often talk through a filter and don’t express ourselves fully or we hold back on certain information without knowing it. Doing so we auto assume that our experience of reality is the same as reality itself. So in other words, meta model helps us diagnose errors in communication and then helps us fix them.
On the other hand, when the student/client is so convinced in their beliefs that they’re hurting themselves and their self-esteem, both Manwhore and NLP share the same approach. They both snap the person out of their thinking by pointing it out in a louder voice that their thinking is hurting them.. MW is a little more loud in achieving this lol.
Changing your personal history
I noticed that it’s quite common for people to be stuck in the past, and think that certain events that happened are stopping them from enjoying the present moment (I was guilty of this also).
They way MW deals with this is he’s got a specific drill that disables the power our past events have on us. The drill in question follows a rather similar format to the NLP technique for flushing out old vestigial beliefs, thought patterns and behaviours.
The way NLP coaches handle this is they first establish rapport with the client, then they find a negative experience/behaviour from the past. Once this is done, he asks the client what does he know today, that he could use in the past situation if he had the knowledge back then. Then he anchors the positive state, replacing the negative, and asks the client to imagine how will he act in the future.
There are other techniques we can use for this, such as reframing in six steps, time line and Virginia Satir technique to name a few. Virginia Satir was actually a very efficient social worker, specialised in family therapy.
The drills and techniques
Manwhore’s drills are unique and extremely powerful. I’m not saying this to convince anyone of anything, simply expressing how their effect surprised me. If you do them on a regular basis you morph into another person entirely. I was in a life situation where I couldn’t really do the drills for a period of time and I noticed how it made me shift back into my old behaviour. However if you do the drills you jump right back into that charismatic and magnetic person.
I was a hard introvert through my childhood. This means I couldn’t even relate to people and had very few friends. MW has series of drills that help you switch into an extrovert. For example when I was in my introvert state, I couldn’t understand why some people can be so carefree and not worry about their lives, or be okay with not doing anything and just party for instance. When I actively did the drills, I changed into an extroverted person, and not only that but I actually understood the way an extroverted person feels and thinks. My perception of the world changed. Manwhore believes that a high value person is a mixture between an introvert and an extrovert. I now share the same belief.
NLP also has some life altering techniques, one of them being emotional state management. This skill alone is becoming very valuable in the job market all around the world.
So to wrap things up, I would first want to state both schools of thought are life changing. Many people decide to check out NLP workshops because they heard about them from a friend or a business partner and some of them end up changing their lives by bringing more personal power into their world.
Manwhore’s coaching was the best thing that I have ever experienced, I am so lucky to have been a part of it.
(For those looking for Rsd Skype coaching there is not a better more advanced program out there. This isn’t a YouTube video that you just sit back and watch, this is a training program to unleash your verbal skills and social dominance abilities.)