Alpha Lessons: Dealing with Amogs & Stressful Job Interviews
March 27, 2012
I had a couple of my readers recently contact me with questions as far as how to handle stressful job interviews and how to frame-control and out-Alpha other dudes in social situations. What started out as a simple response became a very detailed breakdown of what frame-control and being Alpha is.
Just like anyone else I am faced with situations or questions that I do not know the answer to. My default response to the unknown is the trust and belief in myself that regardless if I know the answer or right course of action to take now or not, I’ll figure it out and get it done. Even if I mess it up I’ll learn- so no reason to falter. The best way to set myself up for success is to calmly and forthrightly look at a situation and either handle it or realize you can’t and pass it on and simply say “I can’t do it/I don’t know”. I carry that with me in whatever I do. This feeling/belief of self-trust is your right as a human being. It should be taught in school but it’s just not widely known yet. People think you either have “it” or you don’t. Not true.
I remember not being able to speak in front of people back in the early days of college. Silly and worthless belief system in place. A couple years back my buddy hit me up about being at a strip club (he would go once a week to practice) and he got in a somewhat awkward situation with a stripper, where the “right” answer was fully up to interpretation. E.g. they were both right and someone needed to pick a solution. Instead he resorted to some kind of default behavior (??) and just paid her off to get himself out of an awkward situation? Not cool. This dude is a strong dude it surprised me. I explained to him that my default behavior in strange new situations was to just remain their solidly and be unflinching in the face of awkwardness. This did not mean not DO anything (some people misinterpret unreactivity as passiveness), it meant to DECIDE on what “I” would do, not some stripper.
Remember what Tyler said in the Blueprint (one of the main things that stood out to me- I was invited up as a guest to Owen’s official taping of the event), we exist OUTSIDE social tension. We don’t feel it, we can be aware of it, and acknowledge it, but be completely unperturbed by it, e.g. no emotion to it.
In my 2008 speech I described being a blackhole of emotion, just sucking all the social awkwardness into myself, and then releasing it back out as calm energy that the people around me who were previously experiencing awkwardness themselves, could then calm down to. Remember Neo in the first Matrix when he first becomes the One, they shoot the bullets at him, he says “no”. And the bullets stop. In our lives the bullets are negative emotions, potential awkwardness, or bad situations. Remember it is our REACTIONS to things that shape events, not the actual events themselves. Simply say no to awkwardness, self-clumsiness, weak physiological responses, and bad behavioral habits.
The other night my roommate asked me to go with her to get property back from this incredibly shady guy she used to do business with. He was a Las Vegas pimp for one and also involved in other dealings. To her, he was basically a “scary person” who held all the cards. She owed him money for a favor he’d done her (which was legit) but needed to actually GET the results of the favor. (None of this was in the least illegal if you’re wondering.)
I stayed out of it in the beginning so I could watch. I was super curious as to how this would go down, how he would handle this, how she would handle it, and how they would interact with each other. Fully trusting in my ability to step in at any time and deal with whatever happened.
This dude proceeded to pimp-talk her to get compliance, e.g. he wanted her to give him the money and trust that he would bring her stuff. Basically that sweet-talking, fake nonsense that girls are prone to fall for, while displaying authority over her and projecting onto her that the situation was her fault because of things she’d done before. He didn’t give specifics he was simply projecting fault onto her. If you want a day-to-day analogy just picture how cops speak and deal with citizens. They KNOW they’re crossing legal boundaries and stepping on citizens’ rights, they’re simply practicing their ability to gain compliance over citizens by using intimidation and forceful communication. If they can make you think you need to listen to them and take their word for how things are, and you give up your rights, they’ve won, you’ve made their job easier, given them an ego boost, strengthened their confidence in their own ability to steamroll over citizens, AND.. they are now fully justified in how they handled the situation. Because face it.. this is just how the world works. The strong win and the weak get stomped on. It is the law of nature you cannot resist it you can only accept it and become strong yourself.
Back to the story at-hand, thru his backwards/sidestepping “smooth-talking”, this pimp precedes to tell her the situation is her fault, she needs to trust him and give him the money she owes him and he’ll get her stuff. She is a pretty level-headed chick, but even from the get-go I could see she was actually giving this line of crap some validity in her mind. Maybe she wouldn’t fully believe it, but she’d eventually go along with it. She hesitated and with some nervousness said no she wanted her stuff first then she’d hand over the money. At which point he proceeded to again go back into his pimp-talk spiel. At the end of this she just kind of stood there looking at him, flustered and not knowing what to do. He was employing certain psychological principles used to influence people. These being: immersion (keeping the talk flowing even if it didn’t always make sense and slowly but surely beating down her defenses/reasoning with it till she got on his plan- RSD in general calls it lowering the bar for what you say, e.g. what you say has value simply because you said it, and this is also one of the premises behind why “plowing” works), fractionation – similar to previous (e.g. he kept going back into the same pimp-talk when she was done and simply by staying on track with it it would naturally gain more momentum and credibility in her mind- this simply being human nature), displaying authority over her in one area that didn’t necessarily have ANY correlation to the current issue, but by projecting authority over her in one area it would influence her to accept his authority in all areas including this one (again this is human nature), this is also related to the emotional guilt he projected onto her to weaken her resolve in her own reasoning, and the emotional pimp-talk that kept her confused and unable to focus on her issue but by him continuing to talk she’d just go along with his plan. (Brad calls this verbal-vomiting, Alex calls it deliberate illogicality, I call it simply having fun. In our hands it’s a positive thing as girls want to be convinced and feel good about their decision to spread their legs for us.)
Anyways that’s a long-winded explanation of what he was doing, and I’m not saying it was even that good, but it was having an influence on her simply by listening to it and not being stolidly attached to her own agenda. When I saw this I simply stepped out from the wall I was leaning against, rose my hand in his direction, made calm but direct eye contact with my foreheadhead slightly (just barely) pointed in his direction (using my physical presence to capture his attention), and said “Stop. No.” After a slight slight pause I told him we’d get her stuff and then she’d give him the money there’d be no problem whatsoever we were simply here to get her stuff and pay him. After a slight pause of him really checking me out and assuming a slightly sullen air he simply said “Alright follow me we’ll go get it.”
I accentuated those first two words in my story because somehow, and I wasn’t even really trying to, I emptied the wind out of his sails just with that part right there. (If you don’t know already I’m a 5’8″-5’9″ bald guy- I’m not a “naturally” physically imposing guy I’ve simply got knowledge and training in the way the world works and the understanding that I WILL influence it- which forms me into a highly intimidating presence.) All that was necessary here was a subtle display of strength and a pattern interrupt to get things back on the right track. By saying “Stop.” I was breaking his thought pattern and current behavior by literally telling him to stop, and by saying “No.” I was communicating to him that we did not at all accept his reasoning or plan of action and to standby for another plan. Also, using such an incredibly short and direct way of communicating this to him I cut off all other possibilities immediately.
I chose to stay out at first and not handle things from the beginning because it wasn’t my business to be honest and she might have resented me stepping in from the start. Honestly the way I DID handle it apparently seriously intimidated the guy and I could very well have handled it better. There was another method and I’ll explain it now. As you get more advanced and develop more charisma you don’t even face awkward situations. You project shaping energy so bad situations can’t occur. E.g. people naturally get on your wavelength and follow your lead so awkward situations don’t happen. And even if they do you can even talk about them openly and laugh at them and everyone will join you. This is what being positively dominant is about. And it’s why girls are SO drawn to this. This is WHAT an Alpha is. This is one of their #1 reasons for existence. People hate awkwardness, they find it hard to function and they’re emotionally lost. By removing awkwardness and providing a consistent emotional base and level of functionality, you become a magnet for people following your lead, and you gain large local social status.
So instead of completely stopping his emotional and verbal flow and essentially “spanking” him I could have entered the conversation more smoothly and introduced our directive in a more natural and casual fashion. This is the “nice” way of doing things and by handling this so smoothly yet firmly he would have come to see on his own that our way was the way to go.
A couple weeks back I also had a job interview over the phone for a position in a company that would literally be my dream job. When it came time to communicate the main chunk of what I needed to get across over the phone to my potential new boss (a senior VP in a fortune 100 company), I became conscious of physiological responses in my body. Constrictions and tightening in my chest were influencing my ability to breathe calmly and slowly which in turn was influencing my rate of speech- which was actually making me feel a much higher level of mental constriction. And then of course all these together would only serve to mentally and physically spiral me into even more of the same. My body and mind were leveling up into a more intense and tense state of being. You could describe this as the opposite state of “being nervous” or experiencing “stage-fright”, the body’s natural exhilarating rush of chemical-induced action.. but it is much more helpful to simplify it into its basic physiological fundamentals. (e.g. instead of seeing being nervous as a “weak” state- something to be feared and not “understood”, if you simply look at what the body is doing without attaching emotional or social connotations to it, it becomes easier to control/influence and shift to something else). Back in the military I could actually operate quite well from this feverish headspace, but during this interview it felt mostly unhelpful. This was not the military, this was Wall Street. I’m a much more calm communicator and leader now and its commonly understood that it doesn’t matter how awesome or functional you “actually” are, speaking fast and hurriedly is not as influential and easily reciprocated as remaining calm and “in control”.
At this point I’ve become very conscious and aware of my own bodily responses to events and environments (gleaned from Tolle & self-hypnosis development) so I could feel this happen and be a witness to it. At which point I actually did a pattern-interrupt on myself and simply said “Stop” and “No”. I calmed my body down, allowed/willed my body to breathe slower and deeper, and began to speak slower. This allowed space for my mind to move around in and it naturally knew all the answers and where to take the interview. (The interview went very well I ended up moving to Manhattan for a project that netted dough even six months after it ended)
As far as my roommate and this dude, we followed him to another location and while behind him I took down his license plate #, make and model of his car, and planned ahead with my other roommate in the car (who’d unwittingly come along on an “adventure” he wanted no part of) what we’d do if we faced a hairy situation. My other roommate was somewhat incredulous and asked if I was actually worried. At which point I told him I was simply planning for contingencies. Non-military or non-“driven” people don’t really understand this need for planning ahead in certain situations. Anyways this pimp didn’t end up having her stuff and told her he’d be in touch so she could get it later. So in actuality this guy WAS trying to rip her off; take her money and never deliver. Now he will have to bring her her stuff to get paid.
In your question Jforch you referenced the term “steely-eyed presence” I used in another post writing to a military person. I hope you can see it now as less of an outer-game tactic and more of a natural result of self-trust and inner discipline. It comes from a mix of fully accepting your current resources and mental faculties as well as becoming conscious of and disciplining your physiological responses to “unknown” or strange situations. By separating the emotional context from the bodily responses, you remove the layer of social conditioning that says you can’t control it, and put yourself fully in touch with your ability to control your body to your OWN purposes.
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