This is a question from a forum member at MW’s Forum on handling last minute resistance while trying to sexually escalate on a girl. My response is below his:
Hey guys took this girl out from tinder, had a good convo, went out for coffee last night, we were walking around a shopping centre the whole time pretty much. The date was really fun lots of laughing, I tried to throw her in the garbage cans etc. we we’re chasing eachother around and people we’re wathcing us lol.
There was some making out in my car after. She let me put my hand up her thigh and stopped me at her pussy. We made out on a off did some talking. I was talking to my dick making up stories about it and she was laughing loving it. I tried to get her to touch it while makint out. She pulled away. I ended up taking it out. And she was trying to act like bugged out and was laughing and stuff and pretending to look away but I saw her keep looking back at it like 3-4 times. And she faked like she was going to leave but stayed in the car.
I ended up putting it away and the vibe went back to normal-playful banter joking, some kissing. Anyway eventually I take her to the train station to go home. We were a little early and it was late in a shady neighborhood so I waited with her. She kissed me goodbye, she said thanks for waiting with her and told me to text her when I got home, drive safe blah blah.
So I text her a little while later, I had to help my dad with something so it was probably about an hour longer than she would’ve expected to hear from me.
Me: safe and sound ūüėČ
Me: (20 min later; 930pm): Text me you’re alive (wide eyed teethy emoji that looks scared)
Her: (4min later 955pm): I’m alive! Sorry I was talking to my sister.¬†
Me: (1 min later): Haha it’s okay. I hope you didn’t urine all over the train…
Me: Pheww…So happy you are okay!
Her: (40 min later 1042pm): Thank you!!
Her: (1 hour later, 1144pm): Btw we are never hanging out again
Wtf guys. I think either this girls sister talked her out of seeing me again, or she is just fucking with me but I am not sure how to respond to this. I am getting better at the charisma stuff and leading but this type of stuff still is a little over my head. ¬†It could be becuase I had the dick out. I am thinking of not taking this bait and just replying…
me: That’s okay too
Honestly this is bullshit. We even also seeded a few other second dates already. This kind of stuff is really becomming a roadblock for me.
I could also go another way with it like…
Me: Oh gawd, so you did pee on the train…
And then change the subject with some funny recall from our date. Then move into scheduling day 2 if she’s responsive..
MW: Hmm. Yeah seems like an unfortunate occurrence for both parties involved. But definitely your error. If a girl has just pulled away from your dick, you probably don’t want to be taking it out.¬†¬†There were flags you ignored you didn’t have a read on the situation. Either she’s a bit sexually immature- which is pretty uncommon but still possible¬†(and which you should have seen), or she¬†actually¬†demonstrated that that¬†was¬†a boundary by evidencing discomfort (which you should have seen), or, she showed she¬†was¬†into it, but..¬†not quite yet. Which you also should have seen.
But you did it anyway.¬†The consequences are a girl loses faith that she has any physical control in an intimate situation with you, or if nothing else is potentially going to feel uncomfortable with you in that setting again. That is the game of recovery you are playing here.
One thing I cover during my training in this area is to actively be showing her “ways out”. Let her¬†feel¬†that she’s able to walk away, while still keeping the intensity on her.¬†¬†This might have to do with use of physical space, conversationally and emotionally leading her to a better more intimate place with you, or, if she’s a female douchebag you can run that game too. A little handcrafted “disapproval” goes a long way. Instead you just had her in a car where she probably felt a little “trapped” and you busted your cock out. It’s one of those situations you sorta laugh at but feel bad about it afterwards, ;).MW: Even though I’ve banged a¬†ton¬†of girls in cars relatively soon after meeting them (lol), I still run a¬†tight¬†game in that situation. Almost regimented. It’s a constrained space there are other emotional factors and socially conditioned narratives at play.
To be honest a lot of guys can get good at getting sexual with girls really quickly without fouling up here. For you personally I’d try pulling girls back to your place or theirs next time before doing stuff like this again. But you’re a good dude I trust you. If you¬†know¬†when/where you made the mistake and will act a bit more inline with each other’s intentions next time then go for it.
Scene with Robert Duvall in the movie¬†A Civil Action
If I can tell a girl likes me but isn’t quite receptive/open/ready yet I put some of the sexual tension on the backburner, it’s not off just simmering, and I transmute the energy in other directions that keep us both satisfied. This is why guys need to learn about things like “physical rapport”, “prizing your dick”, “logistical compliance”, “emotional leading”, “high value sexual escalation”. If nothing else this girl¬†might¬†have been ready if you’d been more on top of this stuff.¬†These are the nuts and bolts that keep the whole experience together and moving forward.¬†All this ASIDE from the fact you’re¬†supposed¬†to be¬†a mature male who can control his wild side.. lol. At least to a¬†point.. which you also demonstrate to her and which subsequently serves to turn her on even more ūüėČ