Is it better to be interested or interesting?
Hey guys, so I have a cool discussion topic. If you guys have read or heard about the old classic "how to win friends and influence people," by Dale Carnegie, you will remember that one of the chapters focuses on the concept of being interested in the other person instead of interesting to other people. When applying this to social situations and game, what do you guys think? I personally beleive in the yin and yang approach, however there is one example of being interested that particularly stands out, from the book, "The Charisma Myth," by Olivia Fox Cabane (actually a fantastic book on how to be more charismatic).
In one of the chapters she describes an old election that was happening in Britain in the late 1800s. There were 2 candidates up for elections, both of them strong and with equal support. They had the current prime minister's wife sit down and have dinner with both of the running candidates and report back to the prime minister on which candidate she thought would win. I'll just call them guy 1 and guy 2. She had dinner with both and at the end she said "Guy 1 was by far the most interesting man in London, but guy 2 made me feel like I was the most interesting woman in london." Now, guess who one the election. It was Guy 2.
Let me know your thoughts and opinions on this, it will be interesting (see what I did there ;)) to hear what you guys have to say...
Honky always add stories and reference experiences. Which is crazy 'cuz you've got at least a couple solid ones to go along with this. Otherwise you come off like a white ivory tower nerd which discourages discussion. Game follows the same suit. Too many guys make the mistake of trying to "ask 'Comfort Game' questions" but never share themselves. DURR
This Charisma Myth book.. how is it fantastic on how to be more charismatic? I remember when that book came out. I forgot to read it. Lol. But regardless, I think my program is sexier ;) :p
ever seen Tyler's video on being the most engaged yet least attached?
This is where you reconcile the whole thing of being non-needy and pursuing/showing interest.
MW's talks about this concept as the woman getting swept off her feet in a whirlwind romance. She wants an alpha male but one who is genuinely interested in her. Ofcourse this is game, there's so many outliers and variables, but on a general level I would say what she doesn't want is some super attractive guy who gives no fucks about her whatsoever.
So yes make her feel like she's the most interesting person in the world, BUT the prerequisite for that is being high value. You have to be interseting yourself, let her experience you, you are the prize and she can't believe that she caught your eye.
There's plenty of chumps who will worship/pedestal her but their adoration really doesn't mean shit.
Be high value but take a genuine interest in the girl that's in front of you, she's a person as well at the end of the day, her experience, her emotions also matter. Not as much as yours but they still do.
I think a major key is not to talk too much about yourself. Alot of people just wait for their turn to speak so that they can talk about themselves. LAME!
Talk about things you are interested in, instead! That ,is giving value. For making friends i've found being genuinely interested in them helps alot.
Yes, MW's program is sexier than any book.
From my experience talking to the ladies, I find that a nice balance must be reached. I went out last weekend and experimented with people super interested and super interesting and switching off between the two and I found that when I did both in an interaction, I got the best results. Yin-yang and balance is super important in all aspects of life, as well as game and this particular topic.
I like the approach of showing a lot of genuine interest AND pulling back and talking about yourself ;)
dont mistake interest for that cliche bullshit you see everyday. It's not just about asking someone about their day is, it's about staying on topic with the stuff that makes people excited.
It was really hard for me to show interest in other people for a while LOL then I realized that people appreciate little stuff like commenting on their photos on instagram! Apply this similar concept to speaking to people and you can start picking on little details better and going deeper into their own minds, It's a big part of being a magnet for abundance
I lost my fucking reply to this thread. Shite!