"Bro's Vs Ho's" - How Do You Handle Competiveness Vs Friendship??
This has been my "policy" for the last several years:
1. I will not sacrifice a relationship with one of my bros which has lasted for YEARS over some girl I've known for a much shorter period. Will not do it.
2. However I expect my friends to step up and be able to stand up to some healthy competition over a chick. IE... "May the best man win."
Basically my story is:
This has been my policy with my friends ever since college. A mutually agreed upon set of rules. We don't take shit personally when it comes to chicks, because at the end of the day, she's a human being, a free agent, she makes her own choices...
If for whatever reason she likes my friend more than myself, I don't take it personally, this is not going to be an issue between the two of us as friends. Instead of jealousy, trying to learn from my friend and what he did better. "How did he connect with her better?"
"What was it about him that he did better?"
But the problem is, I have a younger friend, (who I was pretty clear with about my "policy") who is really angry at me right now. He's saying I "betrayed" him because his girl went for me. I wasn't even trying to. She just went for me. He's saying I need to "grow up" in regards to my "policy" on this matter... That "I'm not in college anymore."
I've been in his shoes before, and it sucks the first few times, when a chick you were interested in goes for one of your bros. I can empathize.
But to me, it feels like he's projecting his frustrations/inadequacy/lack-of-game at me and painting me as the "manipulative villain." At this point I've cut the girl off completely for his sake. I like the dude a lot. I wouldn't sacrifice my friendship with him over some girl.
My question is: Am I in error here? How can I improve my mindset around this? Or if not, how can I communicate this better?
What were the circumstances? Onus is always on self. I remember losing a couple girls as a kid to older more charismatic better looking buddies. That's the rub. It just made me improve my game massively. Then I was the one that had to start setting those rules down on myself.
I think the fact you cut off communication with this chick is enough but would probably need to hear more. *gets popcorn*
Circumstances: She was his date to a wedding reception. But he had no physicality established with her. In fact, from my perspective their relationship could've been classified as "platonic." There was no kissing, no hand-holding, no affectionate touching... nothing. He's 6'4" and a cop. That's the extent of his "game." He thinks he has game because he relies on those factors.
We were all at my house. We'd been drinking and she couldn't drive home. He had to go to work. So the general decision was that she would crash in my the spare bedroom. I looked the dude in the eye. I said, "I give you my word that nothing will happen." He said, "I trust you bro."
Turns out she went into my basement and found my library. Personal development. History. Classics and shit. And we had a lot in common.
My problem was, I was (against my will) painting myself as "the dude she couldn't have." So naturally it was a challenge to her. She kept trying to climb into bed with me, and I kept shoving her out. I was pretty drunk at the time and we came super close to having sex, but I stopped it. She ended up crashing out topless on my kitchen counter. Later she stopped texting my bro completely, and then he found out that she was still talking to me.
He's super pissed about it.
...Says I betrayed him. To quote him... "Youre a sneaky, conniving, lying, low-life piece of shit."
I feel like I was really clear with everybody what I'm about and how I operate. Didn't fuck the girl. But I kept texting her. I TOLD him I was. At the end of the day, I feel bad about it, to be sure, but my "policy" still stands. Reason I ask is because I want to "check myself" and make sure I'm not being an asshole.
You need to tell kiddo to man the fuck up. What's your guys' relationship? This guy needs straight talk he thinks he can push his moral weight around because he's a cop when in actuality it's simply given him a level of self-entitlement that blinds him to reality.
If you don't correct his onslaught you're allowing yourself to be steamrolled and painted as morally depraved. He crossed a line you need to correct him. This is your integrity
After thinking about this, in depth, this issue is about the lack of an abundance mentality. But to be honest, he doesn't really have a lot of opportunities what with his job, and his rural location.
TRUE, he's throwing around the moral sledgehammer. But he's doing it because from his POV I took something scarce from him. Now that I think about it, my "policy" wouldn't really apply in that scenario. In a way, he's right... it applies in a "college setting" where one has a lot of options. Like in a big city for example. He doesn't have that, so it would make no sense to him.