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Dannerton's picture
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Joined: 06/21/2018

Hi all, long time lurker here, thanks for all the killer advice and posts over the months!

I was writing in because I’m looking for advice on Getting my gf on board with transitioning us into an open relationship. 

Context is shes 20, a young sexy af ballerina and head over heels for me. She’s sweet, innocent, and naïve. she’s a-fuckin-dorable and so sweet to me. She’s daddy’s lil girl.

i started out fucking her (oh gawd ballerinas are amazing in bed) about a year and a half ago. After a year I came down with oneitis and we became official, only by word of mouth though, we don’t post about each other on social media at all so it’s a lil low key. I should’ve said we can date but I’m not going to be exclusive. 

Thing is, as we continued to be in a relationship things have kind of stagnated. She’s not as fun as she used to be and I’m hella interested in fucking other girls. I still want her to be the main one because she’s such a good princess, but I’m bored and want to fuck other women. 

I love her, I love pizza too, but I don’t want pizza for every meal, ya know?

She’s also got social pressure not to do that because I’ve met a few of her friends and family. 

Shes very very very self conscious and isn’t very self confident at all. I feel like if I bring this up at all she’ll feel like she’ll take it the wrong way and get hurt. This girl has a nervous crying panic attack at the sight of a big or a mouse, I’ve had to come save her a few times. 

So with that context, do you guys have any suggestions on how to handle this successfully?

its been bugging me because I have still been fucking around with other women and I want to get ahead of the storm, because it’s inevitable that she’ll find out or I’ll mess up in some way. 

Im thinking I try to bring up a conversation every now and again about a threesome and see if she’s interested in banging other people and develop the conversation from there. 

I could also also just tell her that I’m a man and have needs and want her but I also want to keep it fresh. That might be not as good an idea though because that makes it about me and while it is about me, that’s not a very persuasive argument. 

We’re living in nyc and she’s almost finished with school, this year she’s gonna start auditioning to ballet companies and when she gets in it’s gonna involve a move so there might be a way we can play off of that too. 

I know I’m new and haven’t contributed or been active yet, but I’m gonna start and hopefully I can give back that way. 

Thanks fellas

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Joined: 01/18/2012
:\ Just break up with her,

:\

Just break up with her, tell her you need some time apart. Then start "seeing" her again. Pretty straightforward 

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Dannerton's picture
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Joined: 06/21/2018
Was hoping for some way to

Was hoping for some way to keep up the momentum and stay with her. Best of both worlds type of situation. And I get to avoid hurting her. 

That’s probably gonna be what’s gonna happen though. I didn’t like the idea at first but it’s growing on me because  I’ve been reading The Rookie Male by Rollo Pollo, are you familiar with it? In a nutshell, there’s a section in the book about causing friction/fights in the relationship on purpose to make them more into the relationship. Emotional rollercoaster stuff. 

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Joined: 01/18/2012
Homey I been around a long

Homey I been around a long time. There's all sorts of things I could tell you. But why not just keep you an honest man? If you want to bang other bishes so be it, but I'm not going to tell you on a public forum how to push your female into accepting an open relationship. If there is a will there is a way

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Daddyjihad1's picture
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Joined: 08/15/2016
Manwhore wrote: :\ Just break

Manwhore wrote:
:\

Just break up with her, tell her you need some time apart. Then start "seeing" her again. Pretty straightforward 

This is like the simplest gem piece of advice you can get man. Tell her you need some time apart, let the air clear, things settle, she's still thinking of you as the relationship is still fresh in her mind and then a month later you hit her up and watch things take their natural course. You can bang other girls in the meantime and start seeing her regularly to where you two become a "thing" again. At that point, its your perogative to make it open or not. 

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Dannerton's picture
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Joined: 06/21/2018
Honest man and break it is

Honest man and break it is y’all. Best for everyone, just gotta tell myself that when she gets real sad, she’s so fragile. 

I’m taking a vacation home next week, maybe I can tie it in with that after I come back. 

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Joined: 07/14/2013
I've dealt with a similar

I've dealt with a similar situation. Met a girl about 9 months ago. Met some of her fam at the start of the year, at which point in time she asked for exclusivity. Said I wasn't ready. Continued to see girls on the side, including one other somewhat steady plate, who recently faded out. Anyway, around May, she asked me straight up if I was dating other people and I said yes without flinching. She cried a bit but seemingly got over it. Then at the end of May we had a bit of a fight one night. In the morning I drove over to a friend's to get something (including some air) and texted a few girls while I was gone. When I got back my girl confronted me; she was on my computer and my imessage popped up. Whoops. She gave me an ultimatum and so I just decided to break it off. I was a bit sad as I do like the girl, I'm just a late bloomer and still want to have my fun, ya dig? I'm still figuring out exactly what kinds of girls I like both physically and in every other way. Anyway, about 2 weeks go by and she matches with me on Tinder. We chat a bit and I invite her over and things have now resumed. We've seen each other about 3 times since. But I used the (albeit short) breakup as a way to reset things and frame things better this time around. Admittedly, I did give her some mixed signals and agreed to do some exclusive relationshipy things like meeting fam, some social media photos... But she seems a lot more willing to accept my terms this time around. I've introduced talking about my dating a bit (not too much) and have encouraged her to share (again not too much) too. I'm still new at this kind of relationship and have mostly been relying on Todd's relationship manifestos from Women. Mostly, I've just been emphasizing that when we're together that's our time. Turn off notifications and let's be in the present moment together.

Also women aren't as fragile as you think. Honestly I think many guys get shook by breakups more than women. They have their girls. Don't get me wrong, I have my homies. But there's only so much they'll take of my whining lol. 

Hope this helps!